JUST In time for Halloween! Can you write a VAMPIRE story using these phrases??

Question

1) The smell is......irresistable!
2) That's a myth!! Come here...I'll show you!
3) Moonlight becomes you!
4) It's not exactly feeding time at the zoo!!
5) So tell me what it's like to.........
6) After 3000 years I have become somewhat........

Leave one phrase out if you must!

Answer 1

INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE

Hi. My name is Jan Brady, and I met a guy on the Internet. Just pals--nothing serious. However, when I told him I was starting a freelance job as a reporter for the “Daily Planet Newspaper,” he volunteered to be my first interview. He said his exclusive story would pretty much make my career.

I said, “How so?” and he answered, “I am a vampire.” I figured he was just kidding, but agreed to meet him at the zoo. It was a public place--should be safe enough. He said he would meet me just inside the gate after sundown. Since he was psychic, he would FIND ME--no need for description.

“Good evening, Jan,” he said, as he took me by the arm, and led me to a nearby picnic table. I replied, “Are you ‘vlad666?’ -- What is your name, anyway?” He said, “It is officially Count Vladimir von Doorlock, but most people just call me ‘The Count,’ because I love to count. Ha! Ha! Ha!”

“Are you really a vampire, or was that just a line?” I asked. The count replied, “Do you have a compact with a mirror in your purse?” I couldn’t imagine why he would ask me that question. I thought maybe that was just his way of telling me I had something stuck in my teeth.

“As a matter of fact I do,” I answered. “Hold it between us so that we can both look into it,” he directed. “Now what do you see?” he asked. “Do you see me?” I had to admit I did not. “That’s weird!!” I said. “Must be something wrong with the mirror!” The count replied, “Vampires cast no reflection.” I felt a chill go up my spine, as I moved back across to the other side of the table.

“So, Count, if I were to wear a garland of garlic around my neck--that would keep you from biting me, right??” I asked, “I just happen to have one in my purse in case I‘d need it.” Count von Doorlock laughed, and said “That’s a myth!! Come here….I’ll show you!” ….. “Damn!!” I thought, “It always works in the movies!!”

“Why did you ask me to meet you at the zoo?” I asked. The count replied, “Because this is where I hang my cape, so to speak. My coffin is hidden in a crypt beneath the gorilla’s cage.” I thought, “I’m sorry I asked. Is this guy Looney Tunes, or what?”

The count went on to say, “One of the reasons I like it here so much, is the constant flow of people. With my acute vampiric hearing, I can eavesdrop on anyone at any time. For instance, that family over there--the little one is disappointed because the animals are all asleep. His dad is explaining that the animals normally sleep after they dine. He is saying, ‘It’s not exactly feeding time at the zoo‘!!”

So tell me what it's like to be a vampire?” I asked. The count answered, “You know, a picture is worth 10,000 words. Picture yourself soaring over a city in a night-time starlit sky. The sights, the smells……sniff, sniff, sniff……Fi! Fi! Fo! Fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!! And the smell is freakin’ irresistible!”

“Focus Count, focus!!” I exclaimed. “We are conducting an interview here. You can catch up with him later.

So, what do you do during the off season, when the zoo is closed?” I asked. The count replied, “Sometimes, I hibernate. Other times, I just go out for a little snack……A mouse might scurry by, and I just grab it by the tail and suck on it as you would a dill pickle. Other times, birds are pretty much there for the grabbing, especially in the early part of the evening. I usually just bite their heads off, spit those out, and then I can suck on their hot warm blood. I tried biting them in the neck years ago, but that doesn’t work because I would usually just end up with a mouth full of feathers. Hate feathers!!”

“You know what,” said the count. “Moonlight becomes you! You should always be seen in moonlight. I could make that possible for you, FOREVER. Just think, you would never get any older, and live forever!!”

“Speaking of forever……Is it possible to end your life, er death, or whatever you call it??” I asked. “Some call it my reign of terror!!“ laughed the count. “But, seriously--two ways. A wooden stake driven through my heart as I lay in my coffin during daylight hours….or daylight itself can burn me to a crisp.”

“Well, Count, I think that about wraps it up for our interview,” I said. “I can’t think of any more questions.” The count replied, “What about my offer to make you immortal, just like me?” I answered, “Count, as tempting as your offer may be, I am a vegetarian, and the idea of being on an all-blood diet just makes me want to hurl!”

The count then said, “Jan Brady, after 3000 years, I have become somewhat set in my ways, and I ALWAYS get my way. It is useless for you to refuse me. Don’t you realize that I could NEVER have my secrets revealed in the ‘Daily Planet?’ Now, look deep into my eyes…deep……deep…...deeper…..”

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU MEET ON THE INTERNET…BwaHaHaHa!!!