My friend's brother is a thief who just got out of the joint, am i wrong for not wanting him in my house?

Question

My good friend has a brother that just did 3 years in jail for burglary and he has a rap sheet a mile long for various petty crimes. My friend told me that they were going to come over yesterday and i kinda freaked out. I have a lot of expensive electronic equipment in my house like dvd players, video games, a 55 inch HD big screen tv, plus expensive musical instruments. I told my friend that he could come but i really didn't want him to bring his brother, who has never been in my house before. My friend got all bent out of shape and pissed off saying that he knows that his brother wouldn't steal from me, then he said that if his brother can't come, then he won't come either. I tried to get him to see it from my point of view, but he didn't want to hear it. Did I overreact? I just don't want a known thief in my crib, but I also didn't want to lose a close friend over it either, so what should i do? We're currently not talking at the moment.

Answer 1

Guess what! I understand how YOU feel. I don't blame you...and they BOTH need to understand that society has some feelings, boundaries and expectations. This is a price he will continue to pay....(even tho he has done his time). Grow up!....you are not the victim...the people you burglarized were. The rest of us pay for insurance premiums, expensive home and auto security systems and have lost family heirlooms that have sentimental value that are priceless and irreplacable. Have some remorse and understanding for the crap you have caused and the reactions people have toward you.

The fact that he has a rap sheet PROVES he has an antisocial/sociopathic personality disorder. Leopards don't change their spots (USUALLY). It takes more than jail/prison to change...usually some commitment to "long term psychotherapy".

It is YOUR option to determine RISKS based on how you feel about your stuff. Your friend might feel rejected by you and angry....that's OK! But, you are entitled to be protective. It is the same reason you wouldn't go into an intercity bar dressed like a tourist flashing cash from your billfold at 1:00 am.

He might not take anything...but you don't know that he won't comment to a buddy about "what cool stuff you have". "Birds of a feather flock together!" Sociopaths and antisocial personalities think alike so they are comfortable to be in each others company. People like you and I....our nasal hairs start to twitch!

Your gut reaction is not without some merit...you don't have to apologize for it. I might soften it a little for your close friend...but, I think you have some rights to your feelings. Hope you have a home security...you won't regret the piece of mind.

I have had things taken from me that I have worked very hard and saved to get...

That is my BEST ANSWER! I'd be happy to talk to them both! Every relationship has boundaries....you are just making yours clear. He might have to support his brother over you and that is OK.

Answer 2

skip the friend and go straight to the source of your fear if it's possible. I'd tell the brother that you're pleased he's home again and that you've heard some great things about him but you also heard the other stuff too, say your sorry you're basing your opinion on only what you've heard but it makes you really fearful to have him come over. You could leave it at that if thats all you're afraid of, if not you could suggest they all meet for lunch somewhere instead.

Answer 3

BIG BIG BIG NO. Don't even entertain the idea of letting your friend's brother inside your house. I have a bad experience on this. Your friend can NOT help you if all your stuff are stolen and where on earth can you recover your things, and where on earth you will look for that guy. And you only have yourself to blame. The warning sign is there already = heed it.

Answer 4

i totally agree with you

the brother has earned mistrust through his own actions and his own fault and although he has served his time he needs to learn about building trust with people and not expect everyone to be as gullible as your friend

i think you have done the right thing in banning a known (and convicted) thief - you never know if he would be casing out your joint

also on top of that is your friend inviting his brother round to your place and making it a condition upon YOU doesn't show his loyalty or respect for you in a good light. Give him time - when his brother starts thieving again he will realise why you had misgivings and perhaps even apologise

Answer 5

I used to have a friend like that, stealin' my s**t. The first Limp Bizcit c.d. and Resident Evil 2 for the PS1. That f**ker is so lucky I didn't catch him in the act. He would've lost ten pounds the hard way. If he wants respect, he needs to earn it.

Answer 6

I would havedont the same thing ur friend can't understand because he doesn't have to worry about his brother stealing from him but u do don't sweat it if ur friend is gonna be a dick and not come over because he can't see things from ur point of view then that's his problem eventually his bro will go back to jail and u can hang out again sorry that this happened though I kinda went through the same thing but not with just a theif with a person a lot worse and they don't understand why I don't like their brother either so yeah get out while u can don't get caught up in their drama

Answer 7

You were wise to state your feelings. Your friend has no clue whether or not his brother would steal from you or 'case the joint' for a future burglary.

Answer 8

Stay away from people like this - they are deadly poison. You're right to be wary, stay that way & keep your hard earned belongings. In most cases, people just don't change that much & he has probably only learned more tactics in prison. Call the cops at the first hint of problems. If your friend hates you for it, re-evaluate your friendship.

Answer 9

well.. u can keep all your expensive equipment in a safe place and i don't think he can possibly bring that big TV out of the house.. u can just tell ur friend to make sure his brother does not steal.. maybe u overreacted a little because maybe some people are sensitive towards all these mistakes.. maybe u can tell ur friend to bring his brother to a councellor or something like that or get someone to talk to him..

Answer 10

Guests in your house should be people you're comfortable with.

For your friend to give you an ultimatum - either take my brother as a package or you can't have me - is prettty lame.

Stand your ground. Your home and your property are yours. Feel free to share them with the people you WANT to share them with.

Hang tough.

Answer 11

You have normal reactions. I'm sorry about your friend and her brother, but what to do? Wait. See what happens in the future. Keep the door open to your friend, but let him look for you.