In fact, it may be a couple more months at the rate things are going. But I still live in the house--I won't abandon my kids. It hasn't been decided who's going to get what yet. Maybe I'll get the house, maybe she will. I'm not looking for a full-blown relationship, but I would enjoy the company. Maybe I should just be patient....
2007-10-29 14:18:49 · 14 answers · asked by colder_in_minnesota 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The divorce was filed last year in December, and it was announced in November. We went to one session of counseling together. All my STBX did was announce that she wasn't interested in counseling, or working out problems, or staying together, or anything. She just wanted out. And what the kids think is important, but discretion is not impossible. There's lots to think about....
2007-10-29 14:43:55 · update #1
Guess what? I'm not seeing someone on the sly. And I'm not the one who wanted the divorce. But I agree with the prevailing sentiment that I should probably wait, so thanks everyone!
2007-10-29 14:47:42 · update #2
Wow, these answers are harsh! I wonder how many of these folks replying have actually BEEN divorced! In my humble opinion, if you filed in December (almost a year ago!) that seems like enough time. So long as you don't "bring anybody home" until your divorce is finalized.
2007-10-29 15:00:54 · answer #1 · answered by Judy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I doubt you would be asking this question if not already seeing someone on the sly...
As well, your interests seem to be more for finding your own pleasures than those of the children you reared into the world...
What you should do is take a good look at your past to find out what part you played or did not play that screwed up your marriage, the girl you chose to marry for life and the lives of children that will never be the same...
Meanwhile, don't anticipate your divorce will make you free because a judge and state laws may have other plans for you...
To go further, after death or a divorce, no one should consider another relationship for at least a year. You and others may not agree, I know, but regardless of opinion, both parties need time to prepare for a new life and a new future with new goals for survival and success...
If by chance you do have something going on the side...keep it there and out of sight...your kids don't need this as divorce itself will be difficult for them for a long time ahead...
2007-10-29 14:41:30 · answer #2 · answered by farplaces 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, some harsh answers.
You need to look at what went wrong. You should make a list of what qualities you need/want in a future partner.Make another list of things you would have done differently and areas you need to work on. Seeing a counselor on your own is a good idea just to make sure you are making decisions wisely. Use this time to figure out what you can do to make sure you (and your future partner) won't have to go through the same thing again. Let yourself feel the emotions. It's a loss so you have to grieve it. That would be difficult for some to do if they started dating immediately, but maybe you are the kind of person who doesn't like to be alone. Hang out with friends. Go on a "guy's trip" for some "company." I would consider waiting to date until I was at least out of the house with your ex. Good luck, and keep your children a priority in all your decisions.
2007-10-29 14:53:20 · answer #3 · answered by Courtney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's too soon. What if the two of you some how decide to stay together for the kids sake right before the divorce hearing? I didn't wait...but I should have. I feel awful for not waiting...but I am happy with my b/f...and we're going on 5 yrs together...my exhusband is on his 10th, no 11th...no 13th...aw heck, I can't keep track of his girlfriends!! But I found a keeper!! Do what YOU want...what feels RIGHT to YOU...but don't cheat...it's not worth it...in my state once a divorce is filed were considered legally separated and allowed to date freely.
2007-10-29 14:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by luv2bake 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with the other poster that said you probably already have someone in mind.
I'm going thru the same thing. Been married over 15 yrs. 3 kids, we had our share of problems but why keep telling your spouse how much they love them and then turn around, start a new job, move the family, BAM... 2 months later, he's saying he needs to leave and he's not coming back. In mid-life crisis but denying it, he's sleeping with a 30 yr.old whore co-worker. He was 'with' her less than 2 weeks after he moved out and I'm supposed to believe that she had nothing to do with his sudden bold decision to move out and make changes? BS!
I'm glad you at least say you're not going to abandon your kids. My kids dad sees them a few hrs. every other weekend and never calls them between times so I guess he got what he wanted. A younger slut to make him feel younger, less responsibility and no kids around all the time. You don't think our kids sense that too? They tell him they love him but how they are really feeling they tell me and I'm left picking up the pieces that he left behind. And he says that he didn't discard me? Then tell me what I'm supposed to feel when he can jump in someone else's bed so fast and not think one thing about how it would hurt another person, after 17 yrs. of being together as a family. He tells me that I need to move on. Hell, it's only been since the middle of Sept. and here it is the end of Oct.? Am I supposed to be "over" it by now?
And... do I have the right to write this homewrecker a letter telling her all about her knight in shining armor and what I put up with during the marriage from him, what she'll have to look forward to? But more mean and letting her know what I think of her. Well, she's getting a letter for her birthday... hope it ruins her day as she helped ruin my family.
2007-10-29 15:28:32 · answer #5 · answered by zappedagain 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a little soon to start talking about dating. Think about what your kids will think and how they are reacting to the divorce. They need a period of safety during and after a divorce. If you start dating, they aren't going to react well and feel very insecure. This isn't about you. It's about them for both of you. Take some time to get everyone and everything back together again with this change.
2007-10-29 14:39:19 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,i think that you should give yourself a little bit more time before you get involved,,, due to the fact that things are very emotional at this time ,, you might just get into a relationship that you might regret later on ,,, don't worry ,,, you need not to rush anything ,,, things will fall into place ,,,It will take a little more time,
I hope that everything goes well for you
Good Luck
Leena
2007-10-29 14:27:28 · answer #7 · answered by leena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just got a divorce? And you want company?
Get a dog you fool. Haven't you been through enough yet? How about taking time to re-group instead of firing up your plane and slamming into the nearest aircraft carrier?
Metaphorically speaking of course.
2007-10-29 14:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, life after divorce can get really lonely. I'd suggest hanging out with friends and family to fill some void. But take it slow. You don't want to jump into a relationship right away.
2007-10-29 14:24:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should decide. Think about your kids feelings too in this decision and make sure that they feel comfortable. Remember, a new boyfriend/girlfriend could be gone in a minute, but you children are forever with you. :-)
Good luck!
2007-10-29 14:39:09 · answer #10 · answered by Not Telling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋