Would you forgive or at least feel better if your spouse/partner took you to the person the affair was with, broke up with them and then told them that their intention was not to have a relationship or leave their current partner, but because he/she was lonely?
2007-10-29 14:14:33 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no that wouldn't help
I had the other woman on the phone and she was kind
she did not know he was married
she wanted to help ME
and I still am wounded and hurt....life is not easy and nothing makes this better
2007-10-29 14:19:14 · answer #1 · answered by just duky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will feel sorry for anyone that is doing that, and for the guy for being lying to a woman that way, making all that scene to convince her when he perfectly knew during all times what he was doing. The woman wont feel any better since it's known what is the real thing, that buys some peace time for the man, if time is given and once things get in peace he has the door open again to go out and this time be more careful and don't get caught, that's the way it is. The woman if she doesn't love herself, she will force herself to believe such a thing. But if the woman love herself and she can step out of the relationship and she knows she can be by herself, or even find someone better than that, she wouldn't have second thoughts about breaking up or getting divorce. It all depends on how much trapped that woman is in the situation (not relationship), and how much she respect herself, if she things she worth nothing, she most likely will believe and just take whatever is being given to her. Since she took that, the next thing to take will be a lot heavier and more difficult. That's not something enjoyable for the man either, being a guy with a woman you don't love and doesn't respect herself, it's pointless in many aspects, sooner or later he will leave her because of boredom and loneliness as he said it was the cause of his unloyal actions.
2007-10-29 17:21:53 · answer #2 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this situation needs to be handled on a person to person basis. You and only you know the person you are with from the inside out. Famous saying once a cheat always a cheat... not nessisarly. I have been in your shoes.. i have even had my husband invite the affair over and tell her in front of me that she was a mistake and that he was just lonely cause I was working all the time.. I knew how I felt and when I saw her eyes and the pain in them I knew that he was telling her more than what he said.. if a man can lead someone on like that then their were some strong fellings on the mans side. what is harder to forgive a one night stand or a meaningful fling.. because of this situation i decided to go into psychology and become a marriage counc cause when I needed answers there were none..
you need to feel the true remorse from the person that you are with and feel out whether they are genuine or not... don't be scared to save a family or forgive but dont be blind to the truth either..
2007-10-29 14:25:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
All you people saying "no" have never been cheated on. It's easy to say no, but until you've been in those shoes you have no flipping idea. I would say that sure, it would help, in the short term, but you would still have to deal with the fact that your spouse cheated. That doesn't go away for a long time. It may help you to forgive, but you'll never forget. Find out why the spouse was lonely and fix the problem so it doesn't happen again. Overall, it would depend on your relationship from the get-go.
2007-10-29 14:29:31 · answer #4 · answered by grinningflower 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only reason to do that would be to hurt and humiliate the person. What kind of excuse is that to have an affair, because they where lonely, well what do you think the mate was feeling when they where out having fun and the other one sitting at home. Sorry whom ever is having the affair is a loser.
2007-10-29 14:23:59 · answer #5 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no because to me, it would seem like he only did that because he was caught.
if you didnt know about it, im sure the affair would continue.
he could easily have did all that infront of you and ended it with that girl and just start seeing someone else or he might even go back to that same woman and tell her a story as to why he said and did what he did etc.
i wouldnt trust him.
i know its hard and i can never say never until i am (god fobib) in that same situation.
do what your heart tells you.
if you can honestly forgive him and continue to have a happy marriage, then thats your choice but i know im stubborn and when someone hurts me really bad, thats it for me.
if you decide to stay with him though, keep your eyes open and always know that there is a higher chance that it will happen again.
2007-10-29 14:47:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't forgive him right away as he would have to show me that he really did make a huge mistake. I forgave my husband and it worked out fine, but if he would ever do such a thing again, I wouldn't even think twice about leaving him - I'd be gone in a second. No one really knows how they will react until it happens. Only you and he can decide what is best for you. So, once I would forgive, but not twice
2007-10-29 16:04:08 · answer #7 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, forgiveness is for me, not for him. He shouldn't have been in that situation at all if he valued his marriage. Because I was present when the affair officially became over doesn't put a feather in his cap because he was in the wrong to begin with. If your intention was not to have a relationship, then you don't have a relationship!
2007-10-29 14:18:52 · answer #8 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if they dont have a problem then there is nothing wrong if they have dont the forgiving and making a go of their relationship then its all good now if it was because the other was lonely then they need to work on that in their house and make sure it doesnt happen again
2007-10-29 14:54:49 · answer #9 · answered by toofavorable 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if your intention was to hurt the other person.
It takes two to cheat and your spouse is the one who is in a commitment and thus should know better.
As for 'once a cheat, always a cheat', unfortunately it's quite true. He'll be good for a while. Maybe even a long while. But once you let your guard down and the opportunity presents itself, it'll happen again.
2007-10-29 14:20:26 · answer #10 · answered by cherie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi! yes I would forgive, but how do you know this act was not preplanned to convince that person that the affair is over. You can forgive, but that does not mean, you should trust, the cheather has to prove themselves......Jesus loves you
2007-10-29 14:27:20 · answer #11 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋