When I was 19, I got involved with a man who was 36 (yes, he was married then). I loved him, but after about 3 months together, I broke things off. Still, over the next 3 years we hooked up with each other about once every month. Sometimes more, sometimes less. We talked and laughed and loved. I was crazy about him and he was about me. I knew he could never leave his wife for me and I never asked him to. I always settled for what part of him I could get. When I was 22, I got married. This ended us for about 5 years. Then, we met up with each other again. I realized then that I still loved him very much. But, I had made a committment to my husband and I honored that committment. My problem is that I still love this other man. I think about him every day. I miss him so much sometimes that it breaks my heart. He called a couple of months ago and said he still loved me too. It's not about sex. We haven't had sex in 8 years. How do I get over him and move on with my life?
2007-10-29 14:03:55 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is hard to let go of what might have been. Think about all the things you think are mistakes you have made in the past. If you could change them you would. But if you would have changed them, then other consequences would have happened and you really will never know what the end result would have been. It is easy to think about how the grass would be greener, but this is a very distructive relationship. He took advantage of you when you were 19. Most of the time an affair is an escapism from a marriage. You are realitively new in your marriage, but you must have already realized that the day to day struggles can be boring or hard to deal with (paying bills, dealing with in-laws, work schedules). When you are dating or having an extra something, it is all about you. You don't have to talk about any of the "real life" stuff. You can fantasize. You don't have to have alot of foreplay, you have already had that in your mind.
Years ago, I had someone, that kept coming in and out of my life. I would get involved with someone and this man would show up. I had been "in love" with this guy "forever". I would end the relationship I was in and start seeing this guy. Then he would disappear again. He didn't really treat me very good, but the idea of him was something I couldn't get over.
You have a husband, you chose your husband, he chose his wife. Cut him off, don't talk to him. You are in love with the idea of him. You have never really had him.
2007-10-29 15:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I saw a few answers to this question and I'm going to go the other way...
I'm a romantic and I believe that true love never dies. It's just put on hold. If it's so in your case, you have to talk to him and see if there is anything the two of you can do about it. If there's no way you can have a proper relationship together, then unfortunately you have to let it go.
You didn't say how you felt about your husband. I'm sure you do love him but perhaps not with the same kind of intensity. Can you work at it to make things grow to that level? IMHO, the best way to make your marriage work would be to cut off all contact with the other guy. Is that possible for you?
If you are still in contact, you'll fall into each other's arms sooner or later. And unless something concrete and whole can come out of that, you're just heading for more hurt.
Good luck sweetie.
2007-10-29 21:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by cherie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship with him may not be about sex, but the sex that you had formed a bond between you two stronger than what it would have been without the sex. The fact that you only hooked up every few months for three years after the three months is a high indication that you are confusing sex with love. I respect the fact that you have not gotten together with this guy after you got married. Unfortunately, he has continued to not honor his vows. Most likely, guys like this do this to more than one girl, although it may be hard to believe. If he loved you, he would not be abusing you by using your body and time with no commitment. Even though you are grown, he is older and has more experience and knows how to play the game. Please stay away from him and keep your vows. The only way to get over him is to break all contact and pray. Your husband is probably a great man when you think about it, so get passed these emotional feelings, and get back to reality. May God bless you.
2007-10-29 21:13:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! This is a tough situation. If I were in the situation, I would remember what it felt like to only get a piece of MG (married guy). The times u wished that he could have stayed just a little longer or talked a little longer. I think the memories of those times coupled with the deep commitment to your marriage can offer the answer. You will probably NEVER stop loving this man...especially if you haven't over the past eight years. But loving a piece of a person will never be as good as loving them wholly and freely.
2007-10-29 21:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you ever marry if you were still in love? That is not an easy way to get over someone. Now you have this innocent bystander who didn't ask to get hurt. I know you said you loved him but it seems to me your just holding on to false hope. He is still with his wife and it doesn't look like he is going to leave her. You need to to face that this relationship can never be. Sometimes you just have to move on, I have an old boyfriend that I cared for deeply, but I wouldn't throw my life away for the past. Take it one day at a time and maybe just maybe you will forget him.
2007-10-29 21:30:48 · answer #5 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will ask this question til you get the answer you want. Obviously the yahoo ppl aren't telling you what you want to hear...you already know the answer...you are addicted to him. It is NOT love...he is much older than you...he strings you along for his ego. It is NOT healthy and if he ever left his wife for you...you'd get bored after the first year with him. Part of the allure is the sneaking around. Give him up or be fair to your spouse and give him to a woman who can love HIM with her FULL heart...and I am not like the others...I do know that love can exist with out the sex...I carried a tourch for more than 22 yrs...but I gave him up for my boyfriend 5 yrs ago this January...and I am HAPPY I gave him up...if you can find a man you love as much as you love the married man...you will be able to give him up forever!!! You've just NOT found him yet...get a divorce...if there are NO kids involved...let your husband find a woman worthy of his love...and for you to find a man who will satisfy you in EVERY way...like I have...good luck!! He is out there waiting...
2007-10-29 21:19:23 · answer #6 · answered by luv2bake 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is an emotional affair now. Would either of you like it if your spouses were having similar affairs? Do you really know what a commitment is you have a hubby and are still messing with someone Else's spouse. Both of you are selfish and inconsiderate. For 8 years she has not had her husbands whole heart but believes she has. You need to soul search even if he doesn't want to do right by his wife you need to do the right thing by your husband or tell the truth, that you don't really love him and he wasted 5 years loving you.....
2007-10-29 21:13:35 · answer #7 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
We always want what you can't have (forbidden fruit) You two had nothing but fun. You never got to see the other side of him you know the part where he snores and farts and you never had to clean his dirty underwear and stinking socks. You know all the loving things we wives do day in and day out for our husbands. I guarantee you that if you had to do for him what you do for you husband you would get over him real fast.He is no better then your husband is he is just a memories that you won't let go of. If your husband ever found out about him i bet you get over him real quick.
2007-10-29 21:52:50 · answer #8 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very difficult situation you are in. It is very hard, I know. You just have to make the break. It is easier said than done. Hopefully, time will make it easier.
Good Luck Honey!!
2007-10-29 21:36:28 · answer #9 · answered by Zoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW- a year ago i would have been like shaking my head, but i'm kinda in this same perdictament, except i dont want to move on with my life and im not sure if were in love, but i do know we love spending time with one another, but i too never asked him to leave, told him how ifelt, but never asked him.
i dont know but when you know, let me know
2007-10-29 21:54:13 · answer #10 · answered by scandleight37 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋