If a man and wife don't have sex for 3-4 months on a regular basis, should it be ok to cheat?

Question

I'm just asking because at what point, without a legitimate excuse, does it become acceptable to withhold sex? Obviously marriages are important, but at what point do you say enough is enough with the sex issues. I am asking not as much for myself, but friends of mine who have wives withhold sex on a regular basis and we were talking about his the other day, so just curious about people's thoughts on this subject.

Answer 1

Sex should never be a weapon you use on a spouse, no matter what's going on. That's an immature and irresponsible way of "teaching them a lesson." When you stop having sex because you don't want to have sex with that person- you should no longer be married. Let's be frank here, a healthy active sex life is essential to a successful marriage. When things go sour in the bedroom, its a sign that things are sour elsewhere. For someone to withhold sex for whatever reason they have, it can only lead to more trouble. A spouse who is being rejected and denied of a healthy sex life with their partner will start to feel resentful and...voila- they'll start wondering when they can cheat, and justifying infidelity.

So if you get to the point where you're even HAVING thoughts of cheating or contemplating whether or not you have good reasons to- that's when you know you have reached the bottom. Get counseling, talk about it until you're blue in the face, beat the dead horse continuously. If it doesn't change from there- I think its safe to say that the marriage has reached its end.

Answer 2

In a marriage, husband and wife shouldn't withhold sex from each other for no reason. However, the sole purpose of a marriage isn't just to have sex all the time.
3-4 months is a long time, as a woman I have to say. If she isn't pregnant, or terminally ill, or extensively ill, why wouldn't she be having sex? She could suspect he's cheating...she could feel like all he wants is sex and no closeness.... she should be using it as a means to control the relationship and get other favors (I'll have sex with you if you fix my car, etc).
Is it ok to cheat because your spouse won't have sex? No, it isn't. But there needs to be some work done to find out why they are holding out for 3-4 months at a time.
Everyone has different preferences, but I really think that 3-4 months at a time is too long. The two partners should talk about how they feel, how often is enough for them, and come to a compromise.

Answer 3

Well, the Bible says that it is wrong to withhold sex from one another except by mutual consent and for the purpose of prayer and fasting for a time. That goes for both man and woman. So it is sinful to withhold sex purposefully.
However, there may be a physical illness or problem, that is understandable, I think the spouse should remain faithful despite the illness.
If the person is just withholding on purpose, it is time for some marriage counseling. That is super important. Also, why is sex withheld? Is it because the spouse is cruel or makes abusive comments? Then, whose fault is that?
Anyway, it is wrong to withhold, and it is wrong to be unfaithful. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Get counseling, it is the best thing.

Answer 4

Sex is not or should not ever be a weapon or negotiating chip in a marriage.
When withholding happens it ends up being just another asset and not the expression of love and intimacy it is supposed to be.
That becomes the beginning of the end of a relationship.

3 or 4 months of going without is not much of a marriage especially if it is due to withholding.
It would be the correct thing to separate with a plan to divorce.
Cheating is never alright. Clean up the marriage first.

Answer 5

IT IS NEVER OK TO CHEAT!!!! Chances are the wives are withholding for a reason. (even though thats not the answer either) Maybe they just need to listen more or take an active interest in their chosen mate. Or maybe couseling is in order. Women want to be close sexually when we feel close emotionally. Cheating will pretty much make a bigger mess then what is already there. If they or u need sex that bad get a divorce and start all over. There should be enough love for theses women to at least give them that much respect. Who knows maybe these women are in the same situation and they want out too. Maybe she ISNT the problem.

Answer 6

There's no 'ok' answer.

The withholding is not 'okay'. Cheating is not 'okay'. In most cultures, guess what, divorce is not 'okay' either. Its a very modern/north american attitude that cheating is horrible but divorce is no big deal.

There's no right answer on this, and I won't judge people for making the best decisions they can.

For the record, I've had some _long_ stretches. Being nice and talking about it generally make things much worse, as she began to assume that any nice action I took was 'just an attempt to get sex'.

Answer 7

It's not ok to do it, it's not ok to stay in the marriage either with that kind of circunstances when life can be so much better than that. That is a manipulative tool used on a person that is possible to manipulate. It can also be just the beginning of something that will only get worse with time, life doesn't have to be like that, and a man shouldn't have the need to have to think outside his relationship, that's why he takes work to find the right person, "the one", if someone thinks like that (do things outside his marriage and have a partner that does that), is not even close to have found the rigth person to be happy. Unless the man enjoys the game of being in that spot, it all depends.

Answer 8

Just because the couple don't have sex on a regular basis doesn't mean that it's ok to cheat. I think it's just a lame excuse to justify the wrong. Every couple should talk to each other about sexual issues. My question, why do those wives withhold sex from their husbands?

Answer 9

My thoughts, there is no excuse for cheating. Not getting enough? Three choices - put up with it, find out why and fix the problem, or get out.
Its probable that if you asked every one of those withholding wives, they would probably say that the only thing their guys want is sex - no hand holding, no cuddling, no romance, no time for her. Just a quick roll in the hay, and wham bam thank you Mame.
Guys don't seem to get that for most women, they want to feel needed, appreciated, to feel sexy. Sexiness starts long before the bedroom, or it doesn't start at all. I would take a bet that none of those guys are treating their wives with the same sort of attention and care as when they were dating. Things change, and that's not just wives who do.

Answer 10

NO!!!

There is NEVER an acceptable reason to cheat. Cheating is wrong, besides there are WAY more important things in marriage than sex.

In my own marriage I went almost a year without sex. Yes I was frustrated by the lack of sex, but NEVER did I even think about being unfaithful to my wife. Because I LOVE HER too much to hurt her like that.