My best friend's wife cheated on him, and he left her. He's been living with me for a month and a half. A little bit ago, he told me he's been talking with her, and he's thinking about giving it another shot. I think he's stupid for even thinking it because, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I want to tell him that nicely, but I'm afraid it'll drive him to her. Would you tell him, or would you just be there for him when she breaks his heart again?
2007-10-29 13:55:02 · 40 answers · asked by Chingy Bear 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, people. I know that phrase doesn't apply to everyone. I forgot to mention she's cheated on him before. It's just that last time, he stayed with her. This time, he's living with me, and I'm trying to make sure whatever I do won't cause our friendship to be strained. Also, I'm a lesbian. So, my friend doesn't exactly fit my type of relationship companion.
2007-10-29 14:17:04 · update #1
I would tell him in a round about way like 'you know I am there for you whenever you need but I have to tell you that I don't think this will be your last time coming to me for support' or something like that.
Btw - I totally agree with you!
2007-10-29 13:58:17 · answer #1 · answered by ~Josie~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As much as you care for your friend, it's not your place to tell him what he should do... if he asks your opinion, give it to him, without judging... I don't believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" Everyone makes mistakes, and those two have a history together... the best you can do is say, "I don't agree with your choice, but I will support you no matter what you decide" And be a friend to him regardless of the decision, even if it means being there for him all over again IF she breaks his heart again... It's his life and his decision, and sometimes people have to be burned twice or three times before realizing that some people shouldn't get second chances....
2007-10-29 14:01:02 · answer #2 · answered by This is what I think 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't buy the whole "once a cheater always a cheater" I have seen people come back from infidelity and NOT cheat again...it takes work and effort on the part of he OR she who cheats...but the reason for the cheating has underlying reasons that are NOT being discovered or talked about...there are much deeper reasons for it happening..so I tend to want to make sure that the roots of the cheating are exposed and taken care of so that it is a done deal...
people ARE able to get fixed from cheating...it may be few and far between....but it DOES happen..
it really REALLY depends on whether she is feeling guilty for getting CAUGHT..or for what she did..if it is just because she got caught,..then it isn't enough..but if it is for what happened..then the path to fixing the problem has started..
2007-10-29 14:01:36 · answer #3 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you can talk all you want, and he won't really hear a thing you have to say.
I have friends in similar situations - and while it's blatantly obvious to us "objective outsiders" that things are not copacetic, those on the inside are blinded by their own agendas & desires. We think they are stupid & just asking for trouble again & again - they think they are doing the right thing in their world of blue skies & white puffy clouds.
They will only hear what they want to hear. Only see what they want to see.
You can only be supportive. You can have a talk with him & just warn him to be cautious - that past behavior usually ends up repeating itself. But I'm guessing this friend won't care & will go back with this woman - and he will get his heart broken again. When he has had enough of the lies & the games, he'll put an end to the nonsense.
2007-10-29 14:03:23 · answer #4 · answered by Rue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard but you should just stay out of it and wish him luck. People have to learn the hard way sometimes. There's also a chance that it could work out and then he'd feel uncomfortable around you because you were so pessimistic. I know you're just trying to protect him but he'll appreciate it so much more (and, hopefully, will actually learn a thing or two) if you let him make his own choices. Maybe next time, distance yourself by not letting him live with you.
2007-10-29 14:17:21 · answer #5 · answered by chandiepoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I would first tell him what you think, then tell him, "You don't have to listen to me but I think that the best thing to do is say to him, "Don't take her back, once a cheater, always a cheater." If he goes the opposite way, don't mind him, just ignore it I know that you probably want the best for your friend but sometimes the best dosen't have good results. Well, Good Luck.
2007-10-29 14:01:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
with being a best friend comes the responsibility of being honest...it might hurt...he might be angry with you...you might even loose his companionship for awhile..but when this trick gets busted again he can look back and see that you respected him enough honest with him. Then again..if by some miracle they work things out and she becomes magicallly faithful..if he respects you as a friend he wont cut you off because you were honest. but be careful...his wife might want him to get rid of u anyway because youre the woman hes been staying with the past month...cheaters are notoriously distrustful. Be careful
2007-10-29 14:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you don't think it's the best idea and you don't want to see him get hurt again. BUT if it is something he thinks he should try, then tell him you'll support him and that he should take things extremely slowly. You don't want him to rush into things just because he already knows her. Treat it like a brand new relationship and start over as if they had just started dating. Tell him to make sure that his wife is fully committed to trying to make things work. If he can't see that she is, then he should back out of the relationship.
2007-10-29 14:04:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not every bad situation stays bad - while the odds are not good. If he is willing to forgive - you must let him try. He has much emotional attachment to the relationship and sometimes it takes a while to let go. Let him do it - but say that you will be there for him if it fails again. Keep his guard up and tell him she needs to earn his trust - do not give it so quick.
2007-10-29 14:01:37 · answer #9 · answered by Kerry Z 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it. You did your part as his friend. But this is HIS wife. This may actualy draw them closer. They will have to work on getting their marriage back on track. You don't need to down that to him. He obviously has forgiven her. If you don't be the friend and step aside, you very well may lose that friendship. If you are a true friend just as I do believe you are..you give him all the support you can whether it fails or flourishes.----Sheriee
2007-10-29 14:16:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it appears that your friend still cares for his wife as well as he doesn't agree with you that "once a cheater..... always a cheater". The question is who broke your heart. I am sad to hear that but she must've been a cold hearted ***** for you to judge your friend's wife by her. If he wants to try to save a relationship that has to now regain the trust then you should be there for him.... not use your venomous anger to destroy their chances. He might now realize some of the things that he may have contribute to her infidelity. Believe me it's not gonna be easy for him. I think you should admire his decision to try and support him as his friend.
2007-10-29 14:04:17 · answer #11 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋