What should I do?

Question

Ok I know that every relationship has problems and that marriage takes so much work especially now days but lately I feel so alone in my relationship. I feel I can not talk to my husband and I find that things between us seem hostile a lot lately. He never seems to care that I am upset, hurt, concerned etc. He claims that he is but that he does not show it the same way as me. I can be crying and he carries on like nothing is going on at all and this makes me feel so alone and empty. He shows no emotion at all accept when he is angry and then all I get is yelling and stuff. I do not like to put a lot of my personal business on here but I really do feel confused, lonely and alone right now and I am scared of what is going on and at the fact that I think of leaving at times but at the same time I hate the idea of being without him. What do I do?

Answer 1

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your husband concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both of you have absolutely nothing to do. (can't give excuses, then)

Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your husband your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to their side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked them for their time, so give them your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if your husband says something you don't agree with, don't belittle him; instead,

Negotiate and ask what would be agreeable to him.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes people stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way.

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

Answer 2

Do you think your husband would be willing to go to counseling with you? I think you guys need an objective third party to work through your problems with you. When it gets to a point where both parties are feeling a lot of emotion (whether it's fear, anger or whatever) it becomes increasingly difficult to work through issues because neither of you can see what's going on without seeing it through your emotional "lens". A good counselor can help even the most seemingly hopeless situation by separating the issues from the emotion so that the issues can be worked through successfully. My sister's marriage was in big trouble and she begged her husband for a couple of years to go to counseling, and he finally gave in. It has made a HUGE difference (positive) in their relationship, so I hope you'll give it a try. Good luck !

Answer 3

Have you ever consider counseling? How long you 2 were married? Men differs from women when comes to showing emotion. And sometimes men have lots of excuses and the accuse us of being overly sensitive & emotional. Communication is the key thing. You have to sit down and talk. If he don't want to do that, well, why don't you take a vacation somewhere by yourself for days or weeks and then when you come back see what happens.

Answer 4

Is he under a lot of stress at his job? Family problems? Maybe he just has a lot of problems he's not telling you about, then when you talk to him about yours, he can't handle it. Sit down and talk about it calmly. Just tell him what you told us, and ask him why he has been so mean lately. Ask him if there's anything he wants to talk about. Communication is key in a marriage, and nothing will get solved if you don't talk!

Answer 5

Find a trusted girlfriend you can pour your heart out to.
As for hubby, maybe that's what his parents did. Or maybe he was taught if a child is crying, ignore them and they will stop, so he thinks like that. Or maybe he simply doesn't know what to do with tears and feels incapable and that makes him upset, then he eventually gets mad at himself as well and blows up. Counseling may help, on communication, etc.

Answer 6

Men like things straight to the point, without drama. I would stop the crying(it hasn't worked so far) and say what I need to say, Do not repeat yourself, if you do, then it becomes nagging. If they don't listen, then go about your life, and be happy. Men will see that you are not going to be controlled, but leading a full life and moving on, either with them, or without them. That is up to them.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear that ..i dont know what i would do if that happen to me and my husband .......you need to sit him down and have a heart to heart talk if talking dose not work try writing a letter to him .....and if all dont work do what you have to do he sounds like he might go off one day if he dont care that he's making you cry .....:)

Answer 8

It's tough, but you're going to have to make a decision if you want to be with or without this man, to mostly save your ownself. What's the problem? Has he cheated? I wouldn't divorce him if he hasn't cheated, but I might separate from him to see if he starts missing you and might pay attention to your suffering and need for attention. Good Luck!

Answer 9

You need to have a REAL heart to heart talk. I don't mean a whiny, I'm hurting, talk or an angry, I'm pissed talk.
I mean a "our relationship is not working for me right now and I need to talk with you before we end up divorced" talk.

Answer 10

you need a friend, so you can focus on someone besides him. good luck.