I had to repost this question so people would understand? Am I making too much out of it?

Question

We live paycheck to paycheck with a little extra money sometimes and when we get the extra we buy something as a family decision. Well my husband got a $1300 bonus check. He deposited 1100 of it and kept out $272. My understanding was were going to catch up stuff. I went to work tonight, and he called and said him and the kids went to get our 14 yr old a winter coat. Ok fine.....well he called back and said he spent $83 on the coat, and then left and went to wal-mart to get some shoes for our son. The issue isn't walmart, but Walmart sells nice winter coats for under $30. and that is what I said to him and he got mad????????? I buy everything at walmart, why couldn't he have bought a $30 jacket at walmart, instead of buying this $83 coat?? Am I crazy? or blowing it out of proportion?

Answer 1

You guys should compromise and shop at Target for both kids!!

Answer 2

He probably just wanted to get something nice after having to count every penny for so long. What's done is done. Don't have a big fight about it, because it will affect your 14 year old negatively. Instead, wait patiently for him to get home, do all your usual motherly things, then later in the evening, sit down without the kids and have a decent talk about why you were not happy with what happened. This gives you time to cool down before saying something you will regret. Maybe the 14 year old had been begging dad for that particular coat, and he had to keep putting it off, or some other thing. So, just work it out later. Tell the 14 yr old it's a nice coat, and mean it.

Answer 3

He's excited and not thinking. My wife and I are the same way (paycheck to paycheck) and rarely have extra money. When we do have extra money, I get a little carried away buying things that we've been living without that we 'need'. However, I always try to get the best deal, and depending on what it is, may get generic or may get name brand. Over $83 versus $30 for a coat is not that big of deal if you aren't so serious as to watch every extra dollar. You have a right to question his decision making, but don't blow it out of proportion when you do talk to him about it. You don't want this to be a fight, you just want him to understand how you feel. Good luck. Hopefully he is an open minded husband that will at least listen to you.

Answer 4

You have so many responses you may have to post again...lol

Are you re-posting because no one seems to agree with you...?

I do think many responses are self-portrait and fail to see the entire picture...

You must realize your husband feels the paycheck to paycheck as well as you do. He did deposit all but a few hundred, yes, and no doubt he had an impulse to go on a spending spree with the children...that sudden urge that makes you do something always wanted but never dared to do because of not being able to afford it...

Don't begrudge him of that simply because of purchasing something out of your budget. Instead, ease the tension you share and tell him you admire his little splurge but will kick his butt if he does it again without you...make a joke of it because his intentions were good ones regardless of the cost... You should be happy he did not have an impulse to go to a bar and do something regretful...

I know getting by financially is not so easy these days and also feel that in January you were not aware of this bonus while yet you survived, right...?

I would have a good suggestion and wish you would consider it with enthusiasm. For once, don't worry about the bills coming in...continue to outfit the kids as needed and then take what is needed for both you and your husband to share a wonderful evening away and alone...overnight, preferably...a night of pure love and romance with all the trimmings...

You both work very hard to make ends meet and both deserve a little extra to keep that wonderful bond you share alive...

I wish you both the very best of happiness...

Answer 5

Quit yer bitchin'. Damn. my wife would have been happy if I had spent money on the kids' coats and shoes. You sound like a control freak to me. If I ever got bonus checks I would usually blow at least half on myself and then see what the family needed. I needed to be rewarded afterall. Now, if the rest of the $1100 disappears rather quickly and you don't get a say then you may need to sit down and have a chat. In fact, be more outspoken BEFORE the check comes and be proactive in the process. Tell him how much better this that and the other is going to be when you get such an such paid down. Finances are very tircky. My wife was sneaking stuff like coats and shoes and tennis lessons and makeup and etc ad nauseum and her checks weren't going in the bank like mine were. But, she was bi-polar so, you know. Anyway, just don't be scared to sit him down and talk about money. Tell him you need to have a sit down talk about money every other week and make it happen. Have a "money talk session" to strategize and then make the bills out together so you both know where it all went and where you are going. Brief spikes in pay liek this can be BIG sources of animosity for years down the road so don't just sit there and fritter about how it isn't going like you though it would in yor head. Take a role and start strategizing WITH your spouse. It truly is the only way. Either that or you can split the bills and each have yor own accounts so you both can see who is more responsible. Split the bills as close as you can to right down the middle so if one makes less they can find a better job to "match up" to the others salary. Or, figure out which salary is larger and figure out what percent higher and that person can pay that percent more in bills. Be fair and equitable in it so nobody can cry fowl later. It sounds counter to marriage to split it up, but, really everyone wants financial security and everyone wants to be out of debt and everyone wants to have SOEM control over therir lives and expenses, so, everyone should have some autonomy in the fiancial realm. If one person is a spender, let them be a spender. Then when the light bill gets cut off because of their bad habit of over spending you can get them some help through over-spenders anonymous or something. You two are a team and this requires a team approach. There will be some resistance by both of you and it will feel awkward at first, but get your finances on track so you can put this issue behind you and get back to trusting each other. Without trust you will just keep spiraling out of control and when someone gets sick or injured and the money isn't there, someone is going to get the blame, and then it gets ugly. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

It sounds that you may have a trust issue when it comes to finances. You will both need to sit down and establish a firm budget and keep your reciepts to record what you have spent. Agree to collect the receipts together and work on the budget together. If he truly spent $80 on the coat and didn't pocket the cash, then spending $80 on a coat for your son is not a crime. If a tad expensive. He may be getting mad or defensive at you because he may feel you may be micromanaging his money and he feels the right to have control over his own money or that you don't trust him You both need to sit down and talk about how you're both contributing your earnings to the family expenses. It sounds like you don't have a budget set out for yourself. My husband and I take care of our own debts individually. With the income we both take in, we calculate how much our monthly expenses are and how much we earn collectively..calculate the percentage of our earnings and that's what we contribute. This way, there are no arguments about "hey..you spent 100 on a video game and we havent paid the electric bill". We have our own individual accounts, our own credit cards and our own investments. As far as bonuses are concerned, we both make each other aware of ANY income we have because we are both responsible for the household expenses. If we happen to be behind in our household bills..guess where that bonus is going to go? There's a certain responsibility to be shared here. If he can afford to bank the money, then, it's his money. Same should go for you. If you earn your money, you have the right to bank it or spend it as long as the household expenses are taken care of first. If your expenses are being met..don't bust his chops because he spent a little more than necessary on a coat for your child. It's probably the coat he really wanted.

Answer 7

First, I'm glad he deposited the $1,100 and kept the $272 instead of the other way around. Wal-Mart does carry a lot of inexpensive things, but maybe just this once since he had the extra money, he wanted to splurge a little on the 14-year-old. You should be grateful that you have a husband who takes his kids shopping and buys them things. There are a lot of deadbeat dads out there who wouldn't do something like this for their kids.

Answer 8

If you wanted a $30 coat from Wal-Mart you should have told him to go there or have done it yourself. At least it is for the kids and not being spent all crazy like on foolish stuff or another woman like that other person said. There are so many better things to fight over than a coat.

Answer 9

I think you are reacting to a decision that if you had been there it would have been much different. I have to say though, I think somebody is wearing a Christmas present. I can understand your husbands thinking, He wanted to give your son something he really liked. He doesn't have much opportunity to do that, living paycheck to paycheck. The urge to please him with an extravagant gift was a powerful thing and he decided to do it. I grew up close to that at times and every once in a while my brother and I would get something we really wanted. My mother may not have been happy about it , But she looked at them this way . My father worked very hard as a welder for Link Belt, later FMC building cranes. And she realized that to say anything was inappropriate as my father earned the money he spent on us. as I grew up I caught the momentary "what did you do" in her face for just a few seconds, But My father was pleased that he could once in a while splurge and get us a new bicycle or something we could use, a new pair of hunting boots that ended up as winter school boots.So I can understand the thought process your husband used. What you decide to do is up to you. I hope I have given you a view of why and how this decision may have been made.

Answer 10

You are blowing it way out ot proportion. Are you really going to miss the extra $50 bucks he spent on the coat for your daughter? I don't know how warm a $30 coat from Walmart would be anyways, come to think of it I have never seen a winter coat anywhere for $30. Live a little, maybe he wanted to treat your daughter, it doesn't sound like you do.

Answer 11

Honestly I thik you are crazy. Do you really want your 14 yr old kid running around in a 30 dollar coat? I was one of those kids that was teased as a kid for having the cheap shoes, and the cheap coat. Maybe your husband was too and he doesn't want his kid to be tease also. I do believe you said that your husband got a bonus check. This check was based on his hard work, not yours and believe me, you are not the only family that lives paycheck to paycheck. I think 95% of the world does. It's not like he went to the strip club. He bought something useful for your son. Give him a break!! He has everyright to get mad at you. As a matter of fact in a sign of solidarity supporting your hubby I'm gonna go buy a new gun, even though my wife will hit the ceiling.