Might as well get the big bomb out of the way first. I'm 30 she's 19. I wasn't aware of this when I asked her out. On our first date I was so impressed by her maturity that I continued to see her in spite of how many eyebrows would be raised. She's absolutely amazing and I'm planning on proposing to her soon.
The problem that I'm encountering is that I'm not a virgin and she is. I want to respect her standards, she comes from a very religious background and I'm pretty convinced that if things went too far that she would feel very guilty and it would put our relationship at risk. We've talked about where we stand on physical subjects and she has made it clear that she doesn't want to do anything more than kissing before marriage. I want to respect her but this is a frustrating process on my part, especially since we are a year into the relationship and it will most likely be about a year until we are married. I'm wondering if anyone else has been in my shoes?
2007-10-29 10:48:54 · 21 answers · asked by mr cheesy poof 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She sounds great. My husband is 11 years older than me, and we have a wonderful relationship. We actually met when I was 18, and he was 29. We married when I was 20, and we have been together 7 years. I disagree with the people who say your age difference is too great. It really boils down to personalities and your commitment to each other. My husband is the most loving wonderrful man I have ever met, and he treats me with more respect than any man my age or even close to my age ever did. He told me that even though I am changing, he loves every change and its only for the better. He told me that marrying me was like catching "lightening in a bottle."
That being said, if you love her and are serious about this your only option is to wait. If thats what she wants, I would go along with it. I totally understand where you are coming from, I did not wait for marriage and I'm glad I didnt but that's another story. ;) Lots of cold showers, hand parties (gotta love Borat), and perhaps you could be intimate in other ways? I have heard of situations where once the engagement was in place, the rules of the game changed. Maybe she will be willing to increase the intimacy factor once she knows you are "serious".
Best of luck to you!
2007-10-29 11:46:28 · answer #1 · answered by st_melody 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her integrity by sticking to such a promise is probably one of the reasons you love her so much, whether you know it or not. You may have your sexual needs, but sticking to this promise is something she feels strongly about and I gather that if she were to break it, she would be a very different person because of the guilt she will build. Her religious faith is part of what has made her who she is, and part of why you love her. Without it, she may be another person entirely. Are you willing to take that chance?
She should understand your sexual needs, and therefore could come to a compromise? Porn and masturbation should be something you can do however often as you'd like. And if she isn't against masturbation perhaps the two of you can watch each other? A step further would be oral sex? But a warning there- don't make her give you oral sex if she doesn't want to get it from you. No woman should be giving without getting. No man, either. If the sex is too important that you can't get over this hump, you don't need to be marrying this girl or continuing the relationship. Her wishes should be respected and she should be with someone who won't pressure her to do anything she is trying hard to resist.
2007-10-30 02:19:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all. age is irrelevant, so long as she's legal, and at a maturity level you can deal with. I'm 32, my husband is 54 and I couldn't be any happier! Some women like older men, some don't. I worry about her being 19 because there is still so much out there that she hasn't had a chance to experience yet, and might later have regrets.
As to the virginity issue, if you're going to be with her, you're going to have to respect that. I'm sure you're mature enough to take care of those urges privately on your own until such time as y'all decide not to pursue this relationship, or it is time to consummate it.
2007-10-29 18:25:45 · answer #3 · answered by Ista 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a very bad idea to marry this girl. Not because of the age difference but because of her lack of experience. She will change as she grows older. She will probably wonder what it's like to have relations with other men. She knows that you've slept with other women, and she will find that most of the people she knows have had more than one partner also. That among other contributing factors will cause her to seek attention from other men. She may find that she cannot relate to most of the people your age the way she can relate to people her own age. If she had already been around, I'd say the age thing was not a big deal, but considering her inexperience, you are in for trouble.
2007-10-29 18:19:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm going to agree with sweet suzy.... she is far too young for you. you should think about letting this one go and allow her to meet a man who is willing to either wait or who lives by the same rule (no sex until marriage).
i've got two things for you. YOURE 30 and SHE IS 19! secondly ... find someone your own age. it would be more acceptable if you were 40 and she 29, i can see that. but she will be going through life whereas you've already been there. allow her to experience her early 20's and college. she may be a great girl, but i dont think it is wise of you to use the glamour a young girl sees in dating an older man to your advantage.
2007-10-29 18:09:20 · answer #5 · answered by Standing in Line 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Respect her wishes and wait! You have been with her for a year so waiting a little bit longer is not going to kill you! Btw you are way too old for her. Yeah she's legal but 19 is very young.
2007-10-29 18:07:22 · answer #6 · answered by HotKoko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As frustrating as it may be you have to respect her wishes. You might be taking alot of cold showers. Seriously what is the big deal with waiting? If you really love this girl isn't it worth the wait?
2007-10-29 17:55:35 · answer #7 · answered by Girly1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are too much older than she is anyway. Eleven years her senior is really too much. Women usually out live men you know, you maybe making sure she will be a widow in later years. Plus you will be going through life stages so much sooner than she will.
If you have any respect for her and for God's laws you won't ask her for sex, before marriage. You should also consider cutting the relationship and let her find someone closer to her own age.
2007-10-29 17:57:40 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
what is wrong with you? sex is a very important part of any relationship and you know nothing about how she is going to be once married.All the women in the world,you cant find a real woman? i have never seen so many little girls posing as men as i see on this site.dump her IMMEDIATLY,if she does not give it up asap.Go find a real woman who understands her sexuality..,not a frigid,timid, uneducated little girl.life is to short to invest that much time on someone you may not be compatible with sexually.You want to find this out once you get married?RRRUUUUNNNNN
2007-10-29 18:12:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you should just be patient and respect her wishes. It will be so worth it in the end and you don't want her to have regrets. Also, with all the skanks running around nowadays, you should be glad you found a decent girl! So hang in there, if you love her, it will be worth it!
2007-10-29 17:55:36 · answer #10 · answered by andmic510 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋