my fiancee wanted me to pay him back $50 he used on me last month for gas, and some other stuff. is this right? we are planning to get married, shouldn't we start to think as one? i am willing to help him financially in any way i can, but i don't think it's right to pay him back. yes, you pay back a friend, but to pay back your fiance cause you borrowed from him? am i crazy? is this wrong or right? im confused!!! my dad was always the sole provider, and im just used with this kind of family!
2007-10-29 10:46:26 · 15 answers · asked by victoria_b_maria 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's not your husband, he's your fiance.
He's not your father, he's your fiance.
It's his money, pay him back.
Since this is an issue now, it's a good time to start talking about finances for after you're married. Money is always a big issue, so get it worked out now.
2007-10-29 10:51:44 · answer #1 · answered by LAL 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a bigger problem that I think you realize. As the others on here have said, you need to find an intermediary (such as a counselor) to hash out important lifestyle issues with your fiance, money being one of the most important ones.
If your fiance is this rigid in his thinking, he's going to have a hard time being married, and an even more difficult time if you have children. Why do I say this? Because he is still thinking in terms of "mine" and "yours," rather than "ours," not to mention thinking in terms of what is the right or best thing to do in a situation.
What if he turns out to be really selfish? What if he hides or hoards money? What if he demands you two live a 50-50 life--according to his rules, not rules you mutually adopt--no matter how the circumstances of your lives develop? I am no fan of married people maintaining separate finances, because it creates a rigid structure that is incompatible with married/family life, and it encourages the partners to be selfish and/or competitive.
Yes, it's true you aren't married yet. If he truthfully just needs the money, that's one thing. But if he wants the money back in order to make a point about what's his and what's yours, that is what you have to deal with, head-on. I don't know the exact terms behind the $50 he did give you last month. But I would pay it back, and before I handed it over, I'd wave it around for a sec and say, "I think you and I need to have a talk about how we're going to handle money when we get married."
Don't marry this guy if you get the feeling he won't share.
2007-10-29 11:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by C R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems kind of weird to pay him back, but maybe he needed the money. If so, he should of just said so. My advice is get this stuff worked out long before marriage. Sharing finances is very hard and now a lot of men don't believe in themselves as the sole provider. Some expect you to contribute equally or sometimes more! I think it is because most younger guys now have grown up with working moms and don't see it the way it used to be.
2007-10-29 10:53:27 · answer #3 · answered by andmic510 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is always right to give back any money you "borrow" even if it is family, fiance, friends, etc. If it was clear that you "borrowed" it versus "given" the money then you need to give it back to him. If you don't like how this situation is going then you both need to sit down before you are married and talk about how finances are gonna work and come to some agreement. If you aren't on the right page when it comes to your finances when you are married it can cause a rift and be a precurser for divorce.
Talk to him about this if it is bothering you. If you can't talk now how is this gonna work when you are married. You have to be willing to be open and talk.
2007-10-29 10:55:01 · answer #4 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you borrowed it did you say can I "borrow" it or can you "give" me money for gas? He may have been raised differently than you were. He may need it now for stuff and that cut into his budget. Money plays a big part in relationships even though no one likes to admit it. It can put a major strain on it. If you are planning on getting married ya'll need to discuss how finances are going to be arranged as soon as possible.
2007-10-29 10:52:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money will break up a marriage faster than anything else.
You need to pay attention to what he's doing now before you walk down the aisle.
I would sign us up for pre-marital counseling to make sure we're on the same page about finances, etc.
2007-10-29 11:06:33 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just pay him back and get over it. You should talk to him befor you get married to see his thoughts on financial issues. I have alot of friends that are married that still do not share there money and still split the cost of all there bills. me and my husband however share our money and pay the bills together.
2007-10-29 10:51:59 · answer #7 · answered by anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not married yet, so pay him back. Did he make it clear that it was a loan? Maybe you should consider how it will be once you are married, will it change or will he think his money is his and yours is yours, or will it become our money. Better ask him about this before you tie the knot.
2007-10-29 11:05:53 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely should talk about money issues and what you expect regarding money BEFORE you get married.....or else there is going to be some major battles in your family...For now pay him to shut him up...
2007-10-29 10:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is putting his guard up before you two get married. He is afraid you are going to use him. Just pay him back.
2007-10-29 10:51:01 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋