Sickeningly enough, the guy I have lived with for over a year got drunk this weekend and when I wasn't looking went up a girl's skirt and then followed her to the bathroom asking to be let in. She called the cops and they wanted to arrest him but had no witnesses. He claimed she was crazy but then admitted the next day after I pointed out that he was stupid drunk that he could have done it but he doesn't remember it (although he remembers stuff after that incident). Should I tell him to get out or should I try to work through it? He swears he'll never drink again. Even after I told him I doubted it.
2007-10-29 10:34:42 · 13 answers · asked by Kris 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
a month ago he signed up for a casual sex website and made a profile indicating he was in our city and wanted to play while the cat wasn't looking and sent out a couple of provocative messages. When I confronted him, it was another case of, "I was really drunk, I swear, I don't even remember doing this!"
2007-10-29 10:45:41 · update #1
That's an alcoholic blackout - and yes he can be telling the truth that he remembers some things and not others.
You don't say anything about his previous drinking but alcoholic blackouts are a sign that he is likely somewhat allergic to alcohol - and that's a tendency that often co-incides with alcoholism. His readiness to promise to never drink again suggests that he's already aware he has a problem with alcohol.
Without counselling/ attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous he's unlikely to permanently put down the drink so if I was you I wouldn't believe he's serious unless he does go get help to stay away from the alcohol.
Only you can decide whether to kick him out or give him a chance - with the condition that he gets help.
Good luck!
2007-10-29 10:46:52 · answer #1 · answered by dakinijones 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was this a one time incident or is he an alcoholic? If this is a one time incident and he is otherwise a good man and has been good to you, I'd give him another chance. However, if this is typical behavior for him or he is out of control with his drinking, you need to kick him out, no ifs and or buts. I dated an alcoholic for a year and a half and I've heard all the apologies and promises 100 times over. I finally wised up and kicked him out.
In that case - DUMP HIM NOW!!!! For every incidence you discover, there are 10 more you didn't.
2007-10-29 17:40:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be easy for me a perfect stranger to say to leave, but in all honesty, if you really care about him you could try to talk it out with him and see if he is willing to do something about the drinking, if that doesn't work, then get out. But don't ignore the chasing girls part of this and don't just excuse it as a drunk thing, you should address his attempt of infidelity too because that may actually be just as bad if not worse than the drinking! Good Luck!
2007-10-29 17:41:24 · answer #3 · answered by crazesillyme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a recovering alcoholic, the road to the "bottom" can be many, Drinking can be a fun time and all but sometimes drinking brings out "who" you really are..There are some small thing's that he is doing which are very inappropriate, I would suggest you sit him down while he is sober and explain to him what you are thinking and feeling. Don;t rely on the.."next time" & "I'll see what he does next time" rouitne either..He'll only get worse. You must be up-front and eye-to-eye when you talk to him and make damn sure he is hearing you. Ultimately, there are consequences to his behaviour in regards to you and the relationship...Perhaps you should remeind him of those...
God bless and keep your head up...And your dreams alive..
2007-10-29 18:22:41 · answer #4 · answered by sablelemarr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well lets see. Is this typical behavior for him? You did not mention if he has a drinking problem. If you believe that it was an isolated incident then I would just rag him about it but not too much. If he has a drinking problem I would recommend he go to AA. If you want things to work then you must go with him. This way he sees that you are on his side and willing to help him.
2007-10-29 17:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by fantasy gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he likes to drink for the buzz and then he happens to act out, then that's not a good sign. Not to mention now you might feel insecure when he goes out, bc what if he gets a buzz-on and then cheats?
I never thought alcohol abusers made for good marriages or good daddies.
If you don't have alcohol issues yourself, perhaps you'd do best to find a partner who doesn't have the issues either. Might make your life happier in the long run.
I read your update: hello, you can do better, dump him!
2007-10-29 17:43:52 · answer #6 · answered by Contemplative 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just using it as an excuse for his behavior that you have caught. The only way he will stop drinking if he is alcoholic is if he wants to for himself. He will not quit for anyone else even if he wants to. I don't think this is an issue with alcohol so much as it is an issue with him being unfaithful.
2007-10-29 19:19:29 · answer #7 · answered by PUMA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call Alcoholics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest Al non meeting. You will find the best help there.
2007-10-29 18:16:51 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's using alcohol as an excuse for his questionable memory problems and to justify his bad behavior. He needs help, both for his drinking and his lying.
2007-10-29 17:47:52 · answer #9 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he need to get help ...
if you know he is a good guy help him...
which will let him know he doesn't have to go through it alone ...
also video tape him while he is drunk and show it to him when he is sober so it can make him realize he needs help...
most of all be a friend and don't try to force him
2007-10-29 18:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by SuDuCtIvEkIsSeS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋