My fiance and I are in our 50's and both married twice before. We have been engaged 4 years, and together for 5 years. Whenever I wish to talk to him about things that concern us, he responds "now is not the right time" or " I don't want to talk about that right now." The only times we sit and discuss things out honestly is online. He won't talk to me in person face to face about anything. He doesn't show affection much, so don't know if this is a part of it. He likes hiding behind walls of the internet it seems when we talk. I wonder what our marriage is going to be like when we no longer use the net to communicate?
Anyone else in such a relationship where they wont' talk to you in person? We can spend the whole weekend together or take a 2 hour trip somewhere, and not speak hardly at all to one another even though I attempt to make conversation. He will talk to me for hours on line, though. What gives????
2007-10-29 08:49:34 · 10 answers · asked by gailrussell2003 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
More info: This man has lived with his elderly mother for the past 3 years, though he has a home that he has been building for the past 5 years. When I ask him when will it be done, he says "when I decide to get it done". When I ask when are we getting married, he will say "I will let you know the day before so you will be ready." He is serious...these aren't humorous answers. This is a man who left his second wife after 4 years of marriage, but it took him another 7 years to divorce her even though he lived about 4 hours away. He just isn't in any hurry to do anything with his life it seems, and not in any hurry or mood at ANY time to talk about it with me.
2007-10-29 08:57:53 · update #1
I have made my feelings and thoughts about how he avoids talking to me in person about things very clear over the past five years.I like the suggestion about being too busy to talk so much online to him. I have dsl and messenger open all the time. I jump to answer whenever he comes online. Maybe I should not be so available.
2007-10-29 09:24:07 · update #2
he's a bit shy and doesn't want you to beat him up for something he might say.
2007-10-29 08:53:34 · answer #1 · answered by old-softy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's a better writer than a talker, and feels he can express himself better that way. Maybe he feels that speaking face-to-face is too intimate (since he's not very affectionate as well) and it makes him uncomfortable.
The important thing is that he does communicate. You can still use the net to communicate after you're married--but would you be fine with this method for the rest of your life? Do you miss having a "normal" conversation?
You can always tell him how you feel, if you want more verbal interaction, and go from there.
2007-10-29 09:06:50 · answer #2 · answered by 1selkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have used YIM and e-mail to discuss some serious issues that were causing a problem for us; it worked better than talking face-to-face because you're forced to hear the other person out, and you can think through your point of view before you type it out; it's hard to yell or slam the door and walk out when you're communicating by e-mail!
However, these occasions were few and far between; I think it would be weird if we made it a rule. We talk "in person" all the time; we have a lot to talk about. While I think that talking things over online can be a viable strategy in dire circumstances, I don't feel that it's a functional way to communicate all the time. It seems that he (or both of you) might be lacking interpersonal skills.
2007-10-29 08:56:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is using the internet as a barrier to protect himself. You need to get counseling together or separate and find someone without the walls. It may even be that he is torn between wanting the relationship to work and not wanting to get married again.
Try the counseling in order to get him to talk to you or prepare to spend time in what could be a loveless marriage. I would think if he really loved you, he would be glad to talk to you unless he has other issues and that is hopefully what the counseling could figure out.
2007-10-29 08:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate the internet for this very reason! My mother will not speak to me in person, but she can type up a lengthy email & spill whatever it is on her mind!! The internet provides a sense of security for shy people who are afraid to express theirselves. I guess be greatful you have some sort of means to communicate! Remember, what might be your cup of tea, may not be someone elses! But if you have something to say while on a trip or whatever - say it!! If he doesn't reply - tell him you expect an email on Monday!!! :) :) :)
2007-10-29 08:58:18 · answer #5 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him...Tell him you would like to talk more face to face then over the net. When you get on line and he wants to talk tell him you are busy with something and don't have time but, he can call you or you will talk when you are together...Don't let it be only on the net.
2007-10-29 08:54:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is using the Internet to choose his words carefully but I agree you can't do this forever. The relationship doesn't stand much of a chance long-term if you can't communicate in person.
2007-10-29 08:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some people have no problem freely expressing themselves face to face. Some people don't feel comfortable talking openly face to face.
The most important thing is that he is communicating with you.
And even after you're married, if he needs to do the same thing to express himself, then let him.
2007-10-29 08:54:32 · answer #8 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He's shy is my bet. Try joking around to loosen him up and maybe an adult beverage or two or four (if you're both legal age). I'm shy too, and I can totally understand it.
2007-10-29 08:59:07 · answer #9 · answered by RedEagleLaughing 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he finds it easyer, tell him how you feel or make it so you can only talk face to face.
2007-10-29 09:21:14 · answer #10 · answered by Nessaja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋