Drugs or marriage?

Question

My spouse is an admitting speed user but in his own defense says atleast he provides for his family and he says he doen't spend $ on the drug. His family sees no problem with his habit because he provides for us. my main prob is he goes to work and then when he gets home from his job he either crashes out till it time to get up for work or he leaves to go hang with his friends till midnight or later...barely any family time do we get with him. We have 2 boys ages 7 & 9 . When I confront him about his actions he tells me that he wants to hang with his friends because he's been at work all day. how do I help him see he's hurting us and missing important parts of his childrens lives.....I feel he needs to grow up.

Answer 1

Like an alcoholic...any stupid excuse to justify his actions.

If he doesn't spend money on the meth...how's he getting it? I know of no dope dealer who hands out drugs for nothing.

Answer 2

well he may be a good provider ......But one thing is missing while he is using his drug speed ....He is sleeping and not spending anytime with you or the children....Therefore the drug is taking control of his life and interfering on his home life...your husband needs NA or counseling to get off the drug before it gets the best of him...no good will come out of him using..only spending money foolish and it can get costly but most of all its taking him away from his wife and children so if he has an ear to hear and be wise he will either stop on his own or go to NA meetings...just maybe you two and children ought to go to a non denominational Christan Church there are many cool ones out there where so many young couples go and really have came a long ways some were in the drug scene some not but it did wonders for them and there families and its fun for all just thought I would mention that I am in no way a holy Rollie person but I seen with my own eyes how much good this was for so many people and there are so many things to do there so much good for your children and for the both of you even if you do a;one and see how comforting and see there are so many people that care the drug scene is not the wise way to go for you nor your husband it will destroy your marriage one way or another you take care

Answer 3

Sorry but he needs to get help. I can't believe people are saying that his using speed is ok just because he is financially supporting his family. You need to take a stand and tell him that it's got to stop. He is not only putting himself in danger but your and your kids too. What if he got pulled over and had drugs on him, where would he go? Jail? Prison? What if he had them in the house and got busted. Would you go to jail too? Or what if one of the kids found the drugs and accidentally ingested them. There are so many reasons why this is not ok. I don't know how long he has been using or how much, but regardless he's got a problem that will only get worse! Trust me I know. I am a recovering addict. I have been clean for almost 4 years. My drug of choice was meth and I used for over 10 years! I hurt everyone I ever loved especially my daughter. I lied, cheated, stole whatever it took to get high I did it. I started out like him able to pay my bills and was very functional but slowly it got worse and worse.I was in jail numerous times and almost died. Drug use leads to 3 places....jails, institutions and death! I am a member of Narcotic Anonymous and it was the only way I found to get clean and stay clean. I would suggest that your husband get some help. You can't do it for him and he's got to be the one to admit he has a problem. Until he's willing to do something about it you will only continue to get hurt and so will your children. You have to do what's best for you.

Answer 4

You cannot have him see what he is doing to the family. You can nag and nag till the cows come home but he will not listen. The only thing you can do is find some way out and show this man you mean business. You need to tell him he needs to quit his drug problem and he also needs to find out what is more important spending time with friends or making special memories with his family. You need to put your foot down and mean business otherwise it will get worse and he will probably leave you for another woman.

Answer 5

Okay..seriously....this man has a family and that comes first. YOU HAVE to put your foot down..this is a serious drug that can affect the brain in so many UN healthy ways....your children do not need to be around this and tell him that if he will not get help and stay off the drugs you will leave..you HAVE to protect your children and he is too high all of the time to see that he's missing his children grow up...tell him that if he does not quit that you will use his drug uses against him. GOOD LUCK..you and your family will be in my prayers...

Answer 6

First: You most no what you want and how far you are willing to go to get it

Second: you must be consistant with your husband but start off slow. For example, if you want him to spend more family time, try getting him to commit to that at least once a week

At a time like this don't try to make him feel like he has to chose between you and his friends. If you play your cards right then the choice will be left up to you.
Try not to fuss but be very direct on the things you will not tolerate; say what you have to say and let your actions not your words back you up.

Answer 7

While substance abuse in most cases becomes an illness, you need to show some tough love here. There is no way anyone outside a rock star or millionaire can sustain a speed, crack, or herion habit for long so eventually he'll be spending your bill money on it and hurting your family! Tell him straight up, rehab or divorce! If he continues using, LEAVE! Your kids deserve better!

Good luck.

Answer 8

First of all, he DOES spend $$$ on speed. It isn' free!!!
And yea, if he's been on speed all day, he will crash when he comes home.....or he takes more to go hang out with his friends.

Try to make a compromise with him about time spent with his friends and time spent with his sons. Logically, he should be spending time with his sons, but he obviously needs some help with what he's "suppose" to do.

Lastly, take out a BIG life insurance policy on him because speed does kill. It destroys the heart muscle and he will not have a long life and you will need money to carry on. No, I'm not kidding, my ex-husband died at 55...and that was many years after he stopped using.

Answer 9

Your husband is doing the wrong thing. First of all, why does he need speed? There are many people that can provide for their family without speed. That is the first thing and I am sure it isn't good for him to be taking this drug or depending on it. And the fact that he doesn't have the desire to spend his time with his family is very sad. I wouldn't want to be married to this person :( I am sorry that you are dealing with this. He needs to know how badly this is affecting you and if he doesn't care............I would think of my options.

Answer 10

I agree with you. There is much more to providing for his family than bringing in the paychecks. He needs to be a father and a husband and he is not doing that right now. He does need to grow up.

As far as how to tell him that? There really is no other way than plainly and honestly. He knows what he is doing . . . you won't be telling him anything he doesn't know already. He just prefers the drugs to his responsibilities.

Answer 11

He sees his family as another one of his responsibilities rather than a pleasure to enjoy outside of work. He could be in a depression. You see, part of the reason he could be doing the speed is that it lifts him out of his depression temporarily, at least long enough to get his work done. Then he falls back into it and seeks way to lift his spirits, one of which being socializing with his peers. Perhpas if he receives proper treatment for his depression, he will no longer need to self-medicate. After being treated, he can learn to enjoy his family more.