men esp., my husband and i have 2 babies,?

Question

and we both work fulltime. but i do the majority of the housework, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids. when we get up at 5am, im the one who gets up first, i get myself ready, get the baby changed and dressed, then begin to get the 2 yr old changed and dressed, which is really hard because she doesnt like waking up. by the time ive done thost things he's barley brushing his teeth, and then i never get the chance to eat my own breakfast b/c we have to be out the door by 6am. alot of the time i feel very resentful that he doesnt at least help in getting one of the kids ready. can anyone , guys esp, suggest how i can talk to him w/ out sounding like im bitching?

Answer 1

While I'm a stay at home mom, I sometimes feel like I do most of the work. My husband is very helpful and a majority of the time he helps out. At times he gets in a slump. I usually remind him and he gets back into the swing of things. Calmly talk with your husband. Tell him you are exhausted and need help. Maybe share, you do one week and he does the other? Or do every other day? Or every 2 days. Whatever works for the both of you. It's definitely not fair for you to have to do it all the time, every single morning. That will only make you resent your husband. Tell him you don't want that. That you want/need a healthy working relationship with him . For the both of you & your kids. I bet he has no idea, men are like that. They sometimes (conviently put blinders on when it comes to childing rearing) . If after your calm discussion, he doesn't pitch in, then get bitchy.

Answer 2

Tough question.
This may be the most difficult thing to ask without sounding bitchy.
Maybe you could come up with a housework budget where he takes more responsibility for the evening meal and putting the kids to bed. At least then you can prep for the next morning.
My wife and I did much the same thing and since I'm not a morning person the time shift helped greatly.

Keep up the good work. This is not easy with both of you working and raising kids. I can tell you that it will give you a lot more belief in your own capability.

Answer 3

Girlfriend you have to get him to help take some load off for you! he has to realize that these children are his too. You are doing 3 peoples jobs between your house chores, children and full time job. God help you! You just need to talk to him. Maybe you need to let him read some of these answers. I mean it sounds like your main gripe is that you need help with the kids in the mornings. I mean, honey you have to eat too. Do you even get to brush your own teeth? I think I would have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel. He had fun making the babies. Now he needs to help you to take care of them. I bet the 2 year old is hard to get up and going. I also bet when you all get home in the evening that he doesn't help you with meals, cleaning, bedtime, or bathing the kids either , does he? I do not like to say get a divorce. But I will say that if things do not change maybe you need to leave him home to babysit one night and you need to take a girls night out just to let him see how hard it is just to get them ready for bed, and then tell him well buddy, you should try getting them up in the mornings. Let's trade places just for one day, but you have to do all of my jobs for me. Tell him you will even let him have a practice turn on a Saturday. So he doesn't have to get up by 6:00am but still make sure you have a dead line to meet that is still at a time when they have to be rushed and they are not up and awake yet.... I wish you the best out come on this one!

Answer 4

You are focusing on one thing. There maybe another time during the day where he is picking up your slack. Overall it might balance out, however if you feel this to still be an issue. Talk to him and ask if their is something more you can do so he can put in more work in the morning.

Remember being fair isn't about being fair on EVERY task, but about supporting each throughout the day.

Answer 5

You have three babies, including your husband.

What ever you do, you need to have more babies . . . because having two or three more kids will help.

Also, you've gone YEARS doing this . . . don't expect changes over night.

Remember when you were ill, or the days after the second child was born . . I'd guess he did some of the work, but waited for you to take over.

You have a long, dark, uphill tunnel ahead of you.

Answer 6

Best advise I ever got was....you'll never get what you don't ask for. Don't try and manipulate, just ask. I think women often get in the habit of assuming our men must know what needs to be done, but they think differently than us! Good Luck!

Answer 7

I think you have a right to bitc*! When both parties work it should be 50/50.Tell him you are a mother but your not his mother.Next time he wants sex tell him you might feel like it more often if he did his share.Talk to his mother and explain it to her,I bet she can get him off his butt! Good luck.

Answer 8

Unless you think it will fuel his fire, GET B*TCHY with him. If this shlep won't help out his own family, you not b*tching about it isn't going to help. He needs to know that you're having a hard time with everything. Until you confront him about it (be peaceful about it first) He's not going to know that anything is bothering you.

Get his *** up when you get up. Make him get up.

Answer 9

You sound very cool as a wife. I think you should just sit with him and say it calmly that you would like if he could just help out a little even if its just one thing.

Email me back at [e-mail] we can chat more.


Andreas

Answer 10

he sleeps while you do all that???
when does he get up?
i wouldnt turn the alarm off. i would let it go on and on to wake im up.
have you tried talking to him about it? he needs to help out more tho.
does he help out at night at all when he comes home?