Compulsive lying and my marriage?

Question

I came from an abusive household and learned that the best way to avoid a hard situation is to lie through it. The problem is I am not a little kid anymore and still have a problem with compulsive lying.Even about little tiny things that don't matter and even when my husband knows I am lying. I don't even know why I do it. I feel so stupid. I have a wonderful husband, two little girls, and a great job that I love. My life is perfect, but I keep lying. About everything. I am even convincing myself that my lies are true. My marriage is falling apart. My SO is getting tired of catching me in lies. Last night he point blank asked me why do I feel the need to compulsively lie. Today I looked up signs of compulsive lying and other OCDs. It felt like looking in a mirror. But if I go home tonight and just lay out compulsive lying and howI feel and what I am doing, will he think I am just justifing what I have done and seeking attention rather than finally seeing what I am and trying to change?

I really do not know what to do, I want to change. I want my husband. Is there anything that I can do to fix that I have done?

Answer 1

It's hard to say what he may think and feel about the situation, considering, everyone is different with different views. As for me, I consider it a good thing that you have done:
1.) You "listened" to how your husband felt and took time to look up, what he feels is a problem.
2.) You took ownership to your actions, and this really is the first step to recovery.
3.) You are focused and motivated to improve for your self and spouse.
These are 3 very important steps and no matter what the out come of the conversation is, just know that you are headed in the right direction. Also, alot of people mistake reasons for justification. There is a reason behind every word and action, this doesn't make the words and actions justifyable. You explaining what you learned through your research, should help with the situation, considering you both may understand better now, and doing so, may help increase patience on both of your parts. Now, after sitting and explaining everything, maybe you both can discuss a plan together to help monitor or even change the situation. Again, I applaud your honesty and motivation to change. I'm sure your husband will appreciate your efforts. Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 2

Your lying is growing into a compulsive behavior that is getting way out of hand, and you made the first step in recovery and that is you admit and know that you are a compulsive liar, Im sure you are ashamed and are not proud of your actions, but just the idea that you want help is a great step in the right direction, but talking about getting help and doing it are two different things, so dont talk about it, do something about it today! And my recomondation is to seek therapy, you cant do this alone, you are one of millions of people who have a addiction, some people are addicted to alcohol, drugs, food, etc, you on the other hand may be addicted to lying, and this is not a good thing, so like I said, the 1st step you have taken, now take the 2nd step and get help, if you dont, you will only make your marriage disfunctional and you will grow to resent yourself more and more everyday. Good Luck, and help is out there, you just need to reach out and get it!

Answer 3

Sweetie, he knows you're a compulsive liar unless he's an idiot.

My husband has the same problem, and it does get tiresome. Most of the time it's not even about important stuff, but it's hard to distinguish between real occurrences and stupid lies.

Talk him and tell him that you acknowledge you have a problem and you want to go to a counselor about it (because you need to) and ask him if he could please be patient with you through the process. I'll bet if he's as great as you say he is, then he'll be happy to be there for you.

Answer 4

Well, If I were your husband I would be glad to hear that you are taking his complaint seriously and looking into it. A good way to approach that might be to ask him if he thinks this sounds like you and then show him the information that you've found.

My wife lies like a dog even when it doesn't matter but especially when she feels she needs to "protect her image." I could be wrong but it seems to me that she just doesn't value or have a real grasp on the truth as a real and important thing. Other members of her family lie at the drop of a hat to appear Innocent. She also seems to warp the truth in her mind to where she believes herself and she gets very hostile if you call her on any lie. So i don't bother any more. I have sympathy for your husband. It is almost impossible to live with someone who you cannot trust not to look you in the eyes and lie.

Answer 5

Compulsive lying is a common disorder often caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention. Often, the liar does not realize how often he or she is lying because it becomes second nature or habit (indeed, it is often referred to as habitual lying).

Compulsive lying alienates friends and loved ones and often brings about the opposite of what the liar wants: instead of getting the attention they often crave, they end up pushing people away. With therapy, many people can overcome their compulsion to lie and salvage their interpersonal relationships before it is too late.

Answer 6

You have to sit down with your husband and explain to him what you have just posted here and ask for his help and understanding. Open and frank communication is the key to any good relationship. You have fallen into a very bad habit based on what you learned growing up. If your husband loves you, understand what you are fighting, and knows you truly want to change I think you tow can work a plan for him to give you support and help to make changes. It will not be easy but it can be done - good luck.

Answer 7

i agree with quasimo! he too is very in sight-full. I completely understand where you're coming from with the thinking you're trying to justify the things you've done. have an action plan of what you need to do IE: see a doctor etc and tell your husband everything. He will be susceptible at first but if you truly mean you want help and make the effort he will see you're changing your ways.

Best of luck.xx

Answer 8

If you recognize that you have a problem and seek professional help, you can learn about it, find the root of the problem and change. I'm sure he is frustrated and wonder what else you lie about. It's not going to be easy to change a habit, but you need to take steps in changing and he will stick by you as long as your truthful about it.

Answer 9

It's important that you seek help,because nothing fixes itself magically.Don't be ashamed,just make sure you're serious about changing.Go to a therapist and then ask your husband to go with you.The best way to get through this is if he understands your compulsion.

Answer 10

Kudo's to you for admitting it!

Like Dr. Phill says "You can't change what you don't acknowledge" .. so you are already starting in the right direction!

As to how?! Get on Dr. Phils website, there was a mother on there that faked DR's she needed a kidney transplant and he helped her .. this show was on the other day is why I thought of it .. but she came clean, on National TV! lol .. so you can do it .. the mind is strong .. just set your hubbs and kids at the finish line and you will get there..