i'm a white girl with a close minded dad wanting to get married to a half black guy .. ?

Question

Im 24 years old and in love .. been engaged for almost a year to a half black man (black dad,white mom)

Now it's time to plan the marriage and suddenly out of no where my dad said that he wont allow it even if he has to lock me in the basement and he doesnt care if i get upset cuz with time i'll forget about it

The reason why my dad doesnt want me to marry that guy is becuz he's HALF BLACK and is scared of what PEOPLE will say about him as a dad allowing his daughter to marry a (N-word) ..

Plz give me realistic answers .. i want my dad to let me marry the guy i love .. i just cant imagine my life without my fiance' or my dad

Oh more information .. im not even allowed to see my fiance' during my engagement becuz my dad doesnt allow it ..
i have so much respect for my dad and no matter what he does he's still my dad and i should treat him like one and listen to him and i wanna solve this problem keeping both my dad and fiance'

PLZ PLZ i need realistic answers

By the way .. my dad know's that my fiance' is a good person it's just the color is what he dislikes

AND .. my fiance' doesnt know that my dad changed is mind .. i dont want him to think that he's not accepted in mu family

Answer 1

Your dad will get over it in time. It will probably be a nasty struggle from the sound of it, but eventually he will probably be cool with it. How old are you, by the way? That might make a difference on how much authority he can exert.

I am like your fiance (black father / white mother), but luckily have encountered very little racism while dating. My fiance (all white), her father was nervous about meeting me, but he liked me instantly because I'm mature, level-headed, respectful, and an all arond great guy. He was hoping I wasn't ghetto trash, and it worked out well for all of us.

I am guessing your father will get over it because I have seen it happen in my faimly. My mom's sister's husband used to be a racist. He refused to even be in the same room with my dad when I was a child. But years later her got over it and they actually became friends. Now when the family gets together they both hang out and talk to each other like two normal people. Some people just need time to get over their racist tendencies. Good luck!

Answer 2

You're 24. You can do whatever you want.

As long as you let your dad run your life, he will. You may have a lot of respect for your dad, but he is dead wrong on many different levels. He is not treating you like an adult, and he is not being rational with his concerns about your fiance'. He probably never liked the idea that you were dating a black guy to begin with, and was hoping that it wouldn't last. Now that his fears have come to pass, he can no longer hide his feelings. Your Dad needs to accept the fact that this isn't about him. This is about you and what you want for yourself. He doesn't have to agree with you, but he should want you to be happy.

My advice is for you to become independent of your dad. Move out, limit your contact with him, and do whatever it takes for you to become your own woman. Once you are free from your father's control, take a good hard look at your fiance'. Is he a good man? Is he a hard worker? Will he be a good provider? Will he be a good father? Will he be faithful to you? Will he be able to put himself aside for the sake of his wife and his family? What do other people think of his character? These are the most important things for you to consider when choosing someone to marry. Your dad is looking at skin color, and you're probably looking at nothing more than how good you guys are together. Either way, no one is looking at the real person.

Answer 3

Lets see your 24 an adult by law. And im sure your dad didnt come out of nowhere with the racist garbage he always had it. Cause if the Nword comes out its always been there. Next if u really love your man not talkin about your dad then Marry HIM. If my parents had a problem who i married i would tell them "get bent". Im sure if u say im leaving and u wont see me again when u send a pic of your child he will want to see his grandchild. Funny how babies can do that sometimes. I come from the UN of familes so my parents had no problem that i married a Black woman. So go for what your heart says not your parents. Im sure his folks have no problem with u and if anything would be more than willing to help u out considering. Good Luck
Racism is an illness R U sick?

Answer 4

Sweetheart, you're 24 years old. How are you letting your father tell you that you can't see your own fiance?
Get out of the house and stay with your fiance or with a close friend for now.
If your dad cant accept who you have fallen in love with then he can't accept you and you don't need him in your life.
I know it will hurt but if your father loved you and wanted what was best for you then he would allow you to marry the one that you want to marry.
Don't let him decide whats right for you and then in the long run you end up unhappy and miserable.
Write your father a long letter about how you're dissapointed in the way he's been acting and how you WILL marry this man regardless if he shows up or not. Then leave.

Answer 5

I know you love and respect your father but you're 24 years old now and it time to make your own decisions. You have to trust your heart and judgement. He raised you already to be the person that you are and you have to explain to him that ignorance is what keeps hate going in this world. People would not be so hurtful of other races if they were more aware and educated. It doesn't matter what other people think if you really love this man. Once you take on a spouse, he becomes your family and your first priority so your father would have to take a back seat. You have to tell him that he did a wonderful job raising a daughter to love and not judge people by the color of their skin. Ask him to respect your decision because you want him to be a part of your life and his grandchildren's life. And what do you mean he won't allow you to see your fiancee??? How old are you??? Do you live under his roof?? If so, you need move so that you can live your own life not your father's.

Answer 6

Sorry sweety, but your dad is leaving you no choice but to choose between the two of them. I am sure that you love and respect your dad very much. But he is not respecting you or your feelings. You are a 24yr. old women. It is time to take control of your own life. Your dad my not talk to you for awhile, but hopefully by then he will realize how much you truely love your fiance (husband) b/c you were willing to stand by him no matter what and he will become a part of your life again. There is no easy answer here. Your dad is making that impossible. You have to let him (dad) know that you love him very much and respect him but he is leaving you no choice but to choose and you are choosing to become an adult and make your own life decisions and that you hope that he can respect that b/c you don't want to loose him. Hopefully those words will help bring him around, but if not, there isn't anything else you can do other than obey your dad and loose your man. Think about how you would feel if your fiance's family felt this way about you. Wouldn't you expect your adult fiance to make his own choice not the one of his parents??

Answer 7

The only thing I can think to tell you is this:

If you REALLY love this guy, and you're clearly over the age of consent (18 in the US), then you can do whatever you want. If this means that you have to move out and never speak to your father or the rest of your family again, then that's what you do.

You have to decide what YOU want for your life. You're never going to change your father's views on the world or his opinions on how not to be a bigoted, racist jackass. HE has to learn how to be more tolerant.

So if you want to marry your fiance, be prepared to do it on your own....without your family's love, support or financial backing.

That's as basic and realistic as it gets.

Answer 8

Dads know best. My doughtier once ask me the same thing.
I toll her that he was wanting to marries a white girl because it would give him more status in the white world. I know this dose not seam right. But I do believe it is true. She did have any thing more to do with this guy. It would have hurt me deeply. But she did marry a Russian who I love very much and look at him as my best Friend. So I do feel DADS"s know best. Look deep in your hart. There are a lot of mates out there to wed. As many may say your over eighteen do what you what. But my doughtier and son in law come to dad and ask him what she or he souled do. I tell her or him what I think and they take what I say and use it to make judgments on there life. I hope your farther is like men.

Answer 9

You really need to talk to your dad. You should be able to marry the man you want. This is so unfair to you. Perhaps, youshould talk to a counselor and get their professional opinion and share it with your dad. I think you need to think about the rest of your life and what you want. Why didnt your dad tell you this along time ago before you got engaged. You need to talk to your dad about how unfair and rascist he is being. Tell him you love him and beg him to support your decision. Does your fiance know this? He must be so hurt. I think you should do your best to shield your fiance from whatever your dad says at it will only hurt you and him in the long run.

Answer 10

Do some research on the family name, chances are, there may be a few surprizes for dear ole dad. He's a bigot, and let him know it, his grandkids are going to be bi-racial, and he'd better adjust!! If you love this man, marry him, don" let dad get in the way!! Tell him to burn his white sheet, and wake up. Don't ever be embarrassed about this, and be sure to bring him to the family reunions!! They'll let your dad know how foolish he really is.