My husband drinks beer everynight...?

Question

My husband drinks beer every single night without fail. He works 7 days a week without fail so his excuse is working to much and his games on TV. Its not only that.. he won't eat dinner until midnight when its cold and been sitting out for hours and comes to bed expecting relations even if I say no I am tired and/ or am a sleep but he doesn't take NO, he just keeps groping me until I give in. I love him so much but am tired of having relations with a drunk every night. He is not abusive or anything and has never been but he doesn't understand that I can't stand him drunk everynight. I have tried to talk to him when he gets up in the morning and he simple says he is sorry and will try better but never does, its a pattern he has now. How am I suppose to deal with this, everything else in our relationship is almost perfect, we are friends and do have fun with each other and can talk to each other about things. ITs hard for me because we do love each other so much.

Answer 1

make it clear.......'you're drunk...no sex'. It isn't that hard to do you know. If he doesn't like it...tough. try coming to bed sober with a hard on instead of using alcohol to get 'in the mood'.

Frankly....I'd consider it an insult.

Answer 2

He's an alcoholic plain and simple. I would tell him so in a way like dear your drinking is starting to interfere with us, and I am concerned about your health and wondered if you are interested in taking a break from alcohol or keeping it on the weekend if he wont and let him know that you want him,all of him when you have sex. That you want the two of you to enjoy each other without false stimulation's. Tell him that since he is drunk all the time you never get to see the real him. Ask him what is bothering him.Was he drinking like this when you met. Alot of the time it progresses over time and could stem from life before you.Whatever you do don't accuse or nag. Or say things like you always,you never etc etc .It is always best to say it like I am concerned when or I want the best for you and it is really worrying me that...... My husband is sober 7 months and is 45,he has drank since he was 12,started drinking because of old Grandpa giving it to him and parents split. Somehow your man needs to open up and face the real issues at hand. He will not quit until "HE" is ready,threats do not work,begging does not work,he has to want it and sadly some people have to hit rock bottom first and hope you two catch this before it happens and before children get involved. Be gentle kind and loving with him and let him know it cant continue to work in this manner.Good luck.Love and patience conquere but take care of you too,dont enable him or be a co-dependent.I suggest you do some research on the subject of alcohalism and co-dependency. I said tell him to take a break because if you say stop now he will only drink more out of fear. Alcohal is chemical dependency and people dont choose this it happens in the brain and is a desease and since your married you must realize this desease deserves love and healing as well as any desease. You dont have to give into sex,just say no your too drunk honey.

Answer 3

First of all things are not going to change. In fact they will get worse, your husband is an alcoholic. Yeah I know, it's "just beer" Just beer is still an alcoholic beverage and if he has to have it every night then he is addicted/alcoholic.
"he just keeps groping me until I give in." Then get up and move to another place to sleep, the livingroom sofa, where ever. When he asks why you don't sleep in the bedroom tell him the TRUTH that you are tired of being gropped and pawed by an alcoholic. If he doesn't change then chalk it up to him loving the beer more and join AlAnon to figure out what YOUR next step will be.

Answer 4

A few ideas.

(1) You initiate sex with him when he gets home, when he's still sober. Or in the morning.

(2) You didn't mention kids, so I assume it's just the two of you eating. If he doesn't want to eat until midnight, make dinner later.

(3) If you're worried about his alcohol consumption, ask him if he wouldn't mind switching between real and no-alcohol beer. There are some decent no-alcohol beers, like Clausthaler.

Answer 5

Sex with a drunk big turn off living with a drunk is a big turn off... Ask him which is more important to have in his life a loving understanding wife, best friend, lover or a twelve pack of beer because it's one or the other and as of right now it's his choice but time is running out so make a choice or you will make it for him...

Answer 6

He has a problem and needs help from his partner, his equal... YOU. Try seducing him before he gets drunk. Perhaps he will be more motivated to go with change if he is presented with change in a positive light. But if you would rather not take my advice, consider the possibility that he will feel bad about what he's doing (because he knows you don't like it), and he will drink more to make himself feel better. The the cycle will continue. The only thing that will change is he will feel worse and worse about himself (and maybe grow a bigger belly from all the beer).

Answer 7

If talking to him hasn't helped, then I would take things into your own hands. Before he eats and drinks, seduce him one night. If you have kids, send them to bed early or get a sitter for one night. Give him the most mind-blowing sexual experience when he's still sober so that he can see what he's missing out on. When it's all over and done with, tell him there's more to come (no pun intended!) if he would just respect your wishes and not try to molest you while you're sleeping.

Answer 8

It sounds like you are pretty unhappy but still committed to making the marriage work and salvaging your love. However, it sounds like your husband isn't respecting your needs, both sexually and as a partner in general.

I would suggest talking to a therapist or social worker. If you have health insurance, call your provider to find out about therapists in your area. There may be a number on the back of your card specifically for "mental health." If you do not have insurance, try this link to find affordable services:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/getting-help-locate-services/index.shtml

Many people deal with issues like this all the time, so I think a little professional guidance will help you clear your head and organize how you would like to proceed. Alanon could help you by allowing you to talk with others in the same situation. Alanon is an organization designed to offer fellowship and support for people whose lives are affected by a loved one who drinks. You can find an Al-Anon meeting by checking its Web site: www.al-anon.org or calling 888-425-2666.

I hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 9

Your husband is an alcoholic! You are co-dependent, and making excuses for him! This isn't about making him change, it is about setting boundaries for yourself. If you are tired of sleeping with a drunk, then DO NOT sleep with a drunk. Believe me when I tell you.....this will take a toll on you and your relationship! You will reach the point of no return! Eventually the feelings of love that you have for him will be replace with disrespect and disgust! He has to hit rock bottom and you have to allow him too. It is hard! I've been there! But, I promise you, if you set boundaries for yourself and stick to them, you will feel better and he may take you seriously and get help for himself!

When you approach him, do not do it with "You need to change", simply tell him what you will and will not live with. Such as... "I love you, and you are entitled to live your life however you'd like, however, I am too." etc......

Good luck!

Answer 10

Your Husband is an Alcoholic, there are many many people with serious drinking problems that do not abuse their wife's and continue to perform adequately at work, etc... unfortunately sooner or later the alcohol abuse will not only effect your relationship as it is now, but will effect his job and more importantly his health. The bad news is you will not be able to convince him he has a problem, he has to recognize it himself and seek professional help before it is way too late.
I hope for the best for you and him.

Answer 11

When you give in, he has no reason to take you seriously.
Put your foot down. Tell him the next time he gets drunk, you're putting his stuff on the front porch and changing the locks. THEN DO IT. Stand up for yourself. You can't love someone who doesn't love themself. People who drink like this need a wake-up call before they change. You can't keep enabling his behavior or it'll never stop.