Where did I go wrong?

Question

Oh No!!!! He is dating someone else!!He told me that I am the reason he acted this way! Will he treat her nice
Abuse? What did I do wrong.I'm depressed again?
Was he on his way to being abusive to me?We broke up three weeks ago. Why am I sad that he's gone?Am I paranoi
I met a man online in June 20 of this year. Everything was very pleasant in the begining.Then these things happened:
1:He made fun of a past relationship of mine that was abusive. He said "All Robert had to do was slap you around to get you to marry him!"
2:He got angry because I wanted to go home and punched his wall.He yelled at me and said"Look at what you made me do!"
3:After two months he wanted me to move away from my aunts house and move to the city he's in. We only live 30 min apart.He said that he would rent a car and help me move my things.He started looking at apartments in his city for me.
3:We were arguing and he told me that I was acting like a" f***ing c**t."
4:He came over and when he seen my aunts home he said" Gosh!How cold you live here?This place is depressing!" "Gosh! Look at your room! How depressing."
5:Another time I wanted to go home.He yelled at me all the way to the bus stop.Once we got there he started shoving my shoulder saying DONT LEAVE!!

Answer 1

first off..HUGS!!! and sweetie i want to tell you something... YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!
ITS NOT YOU..ITS HIM..HES AVERY CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE MAN..ALL PHYSICALLY., MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY..
GOOD FOR YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM..DONT HAVE ANY REGRETS.. BE THANKFUL HES GONE AND DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM


and btw to "quasimaund" your answer is very apauling..your answer is the typical answer to someone whose too busy to understand or even try to understand abuse..
she isnt snyviling..shes very upset for your info and you need to apologize to her..or maybe your an abuser as well
nobody likes being abused..theres a differance between liking it and having it forced on one!!!!
THIS BEHAVIOR HE HAS SHOWN YOU ALREADY.. SHOULD BE A RED LIGHT FOR YOU.. TO QUIT..DONT LISTEN TO ANYTHING HE SAYS AND STAY AWAY FROM HIM.. IF HE CALLS ..DONT ANSWER.. IF YA DO ANSWER NOT KNOWING ITS HIM..HANG UP..IF HE COMES TO YOUR HOME...DONT ALLOW HIM TO COME IN.. IF HE IS PERSISTANT.. CALL THE LAW..
this man is the typical type for being abusive and could even loose his temper and harm you to where.. well he could kill someone ..and i dont want it to be you or anyone..
hesalready made you think an feel it was you.. and thats why he left..
he did you a big favor.. he left
but he may be back..these types usually do..when they cant control and hurt one they go to another ..and another and in between sometimes go back to the others to try and make them believe hes sorry and it will never happen again.. ANOTHER RED STOP SIGN!! until he gets counseling for his anger and his ways he will never change..
actually if he was to come back.. and you believed him...it will jsut get worse..the next time he may hurt ya severely worse..he could even attempt your life..
sweetie talk to your family about what hes done to you both mentally and emotionally and also physically... let the law be alert as to him and how abusive he is.. you need to know your safe and at the same time you have this info of his abuse on record..with family and the legal system.. be sure to tell the law your scared of him and feel he could possibly harm you..
also contact the womens abuse hotline.. they are terrrific people and they also have counseling for abused women who dont live in the shelter but need it..
i know you may not want to contact them but i want to see you safe and this man is very unpredictable..
the womens shelter will also help you if you need a restraining order etc..they can give you alot of info to help you as well. also they will tell ya the cycle of abuse..and sweetie ..the cycle with him has already begun!!
it starts with calling a name, making fun of, contradicting everything.. then a shove..then told how ugly ya are ..stupid..an idiotit..etc.. they then want to make you feel this is all your fault..they cant accept the blame and they want you to feel terrible and think what did i do...what could i of done to change myself etc..this is all part of the mental abuse..kinda like brainwashing
then comes the hiting really hard to leave bruises..and possibly needing stitches..and it goes on an on til..well at times they murder the woman.. so please tell your family friends and call the abuse hotline..
GOD bless you and know im always a sec away on here if you ever need to talk or need some positive input..

Answer 2

It's good that you are no longer with that guy. He is an abuser. He abused you mentally and emotionally. He would end up being physically abusive too. Be glad you are rid of him. He is short-tempered and cannot be trusted to be sane. He is the reason he acts this way. Don't let him put that on you. A person is responsible for their own actions. He will be back again to try to talk you into trying it again. Don't.

Answer 3

You're actually pining away over this jerk? Why? Maybe you enjoyed being treated like dirt?
That could be because there are an awful lot of women out there who love being treated like second class citizens.

Maybe you should count your blessings that you're rid of this chooch. So quit snivelling. And who cares if some other female eneters into an abusive relationship with him. If they're smart they'll recognize it and leave a helluva lot sooner than you did.

Answer 4

Yeah, sounds like he WAS abusive, not just on the road. But I can understand why you're sad to see him go. Despite what's happened, it's normal for us to be sad when a relationship fails. You're not alone!

It sounds like he might follow the same pattern as he did with you. You said in the beginning he was fine, but then it just got progressively worse. Sounds like he will probably treat any girl like this. And it's NOT your fault when he was hitting you (even when it wasn't that hard) or when he punched the wall. "See what you made me do?" is his way of not wanting to accept responsibility.

Answer 5

the reason u feel bad is that your ego is hurt, he is with someone new, but he will treat her no different than he treated u, the first time she crosses him or refuses to do as he says he will abuse her just like he did u. but u are the lucky one, u are rid of him, there are so many other men out there who aren't abusive. this is not your fault, its just his way of blaming the other guy, so he will not have to be responsible or have to look at himself, u are out of there now and the lucky one, u should feel sorry for the other girl, not envy her and think he is going to be nice to her. he is who he is, but since u loved him u can't see it, but u will one day when u get a little bit more mature. its actually the thinks that hurt is that makes us grow emotionally, only when it is happening it does hurt.

Answer 6

an exceptionally ill mama dogs is an fairly stressful problem. and that i understand your anger at lots of the solutions that you gained. that's regular for you to pick to vent back to those persons a number of your anger and frustration. So, attempt to stay calm and keep your concentration on your dogs & doggies. do not enable this cloud your genuine objective - a healthful dogs. And convinced, i'd like to understand this result. Kudos to you on your speedy action in worrying for 7 doggies! it isn't person-friendly! I desire that more advantageous human beings would keep in mind that there are circumstances that stump even the finest of vets. at the same time as the calicum problem is the most person-pleasant with those indications, it isn't the in easy words reason. And your dedication to this dogs and her doggies is extremely, very admirable. So, you keep in mind that you're responding to this disaster contained in the superb way obtainable. you're doing all you could do in an fairly complicated problem. enable God deal with something else. Peace

Answer 7

It is not uncommon for women that have been in an abusive relationship for a long period of time to get into another one. It has to do with your self-esteem being so low that you feel you are worthless. My mom has been down that path 4 times. I know where you are coming from. You are more than likely glorifying some things even though the bad overrides the good. You did nothing wrong in this relationship.

Let him move on and you need to take care of you. You are not paranoid. I bet he will treat her the same way or worse than he did you. If you feel it is safe to do so and even though the other woman will not likely listen you could find her and tell her what she could be getting into. Other than that, I would not worry about it. It is not unusual for you to miss someone that you were with especially when you are single.

I don't think it is him in particular that you miss. I think it is more having some company and a distraction that you miss. It is not easy to be alone. You need to be strong within yourself. People like him and your ex have a kind of talent where they can pick certain women. They are very manipulative and that is part of the problem. You should be extra cautious in the future and I would definitely stay away from him.

My mom would have still been with my dad who abused her severely if it was not for me. By the way, men who abuse women are also more likely to abuse children as well. Statistics also show that female children who witness domestic violence are more likely to become victims themselves and male children who witness it are more likely to become abusers themselves. You need to be able to pick up on indicators of the cycle of abuse.

I would just be content being who I am and being by myself for a while because you need to work on your sense of self worth. There is better out there and you certainly deserve better. It is easier to judge from the other end. You should try to take a step back and look at the whole picture. You need to go out and do things with people that make you feel good about yourself and avoid those people that bring you down. That is no way to live.

You are very unsure of yourself I can see. Where you are going wrong is you are not believing in yourself and your abilities. You are looking and concentrating on the negative side of yourself. Don't do it. concentrate on the positive things which are harder for you to see when you are depressed. It is easier said than done I know.

Tell yourself you are strong, you can make it through anything, that you love being who you are, and that you won't put up with being abused anymore over and over again even if you don't feel it. You have likely developed a dependency on guys like this which you need to stop. You need to convince yourself that you don't need anyone and that you are fine on your own.

If someone comes along later that accepts you for who you are and is good to you then you will give them a chance but warn them from the beginning if they ever are abusive toward you at all or try to control you then you will be gone like a lightning bolt and live up to that. Remind yourself that you are not a victim anymore and you will not be a victim again.

It may help also to talk to a therapist to work your feelings out and get to the root of the problem. they can also help you with these types of self help techniques. They are typcially referred to as cognitive conditioning. I have used them and it seems to have worked with me. You can get into a compromising situation in a very short amount of time so you have to be careful as a woman.

Answer 8

Dont be sad for your loss, it is merely credence for who you thought he was, be thankful you got out before it developed into something nasty.
Abusive behaviours are complex but to be really really short and broad, generally stem from feelings of inadequacy *in the moment- im not saying this develops abusive behaviours*
Noone deserves to live with abuse, be worried for his new girl, but hope she will learn the lesson you did.

Answer 9

You sound either way to young to be in a relationship or you have issues that you need to resolve. If he treats you as bad as you feel he is then why are you wanting answers just leave.

Answer 10

Girl you need to get away from him. if these things are happening so soon in ur relationship, its all bad. Hes blaming his abusive ways on you to make you feel bad and pity him. you need to make sure you know ITS NOT YOU. AND HE HAS A PROBLEM.