Is this even an option?

Question

I just found out that I am pregnant. My partner does not want be to go through with the pregnancy. All the the reasons were about HIM, HE can't afford it, HE is not ready, HIS family will not accept it. I asked him well, what about me, and he said he is concerned about me as well, but that is as far as he goes about it. I am terrified and I am confused. I do not know what to do at all. Counsolors do not help much. I feel pressure by him to not have it. He has been by my side non stop since he found out, but he really does not want me to have it. He says we will not leave my side once "we get rid of it" but I honestly do not think that I can handle an abortion, I personally think that it is wrong. I do not think he will be any help if I decide to keep it. If I get rid of it he says he wont leave but whats to say he will not besides his word? I feel so lost, and just sont know whatto do. Has Anyone dealt with this before? If you want more details please E-mail meThank you so much

Answer 1

I went through this same thing when I was 15. I was 'in love' with a boy I had been dating for 2 years. I was pressured into getting an abortion by him, his parents, and my guardians. DON'T DO IT. Do what you think is best, don't let anyone scare you into doing anything you will regret. Trust me.
Good luck sweetheart.

If you need any help or want to talk Email me anytime

ps even after I had the abortion 'because we can always have another when we are older' he dumped me 2 days after I had the abortion...

Once he suggest you 'get rid of it' especially for the reasons he is giving, you know that he is scum...

Answer 2

I have recently been through a very similar situation so I know exactly what you are going through...

I am now 37 weeks pregnant but went though the same situation when I found out...my boyfriend and I have been together for more than 3 years and became pregnant due to failed birth control..when we first found out he told me that we had no option but to abort..we are both still young (21 and 23), just finished university...not ready etc (these were his reasons)...Although he did not say 'I will leave you if you do not have an abortion' he said he didnt know if he could handle it so our relationship would probably not survive...I also felt under great pressure from his family to abort, as they too thought we were 'not ready'

Anyway, I really didnt know what to do, he went and stayed at his parents for a while so I could make up my mind, and I couldnt eat, sleep, or concentrate or anything else but the decision I had to make...I think i really knew all along though that I could never get rid of our baby...so I decided to follow my heart and carried on with the pregnancy..

My boyfriend eventually completely changed his way of thinking and came round to the idea (he had no choice!) and now he is probably more excited than me!(as is his family..) It has made us stronger than ever, and although I will never forgive the way he acted, I understand it must have been hard for him also, and he just needed time to get his head round it..as soon as we saw our little boy on the ultrasound scan we both knew that we had made the right decision..and just wait till you feel your baby kick for the first time...

My point is that you have to follow your heart...look at it this way, you obviously do not want to abort, and if you have an abortion you will never be able to forgive yourself for the rest of your life, and may regret it deeply.You will also resent your partner for making you make this choice, and therefore it is unlikely that your relationship would survive anyway...if you decide to keep your baby, I very much doubt you would regret your decision! And I am sure that your partner(and his family) will come round, just wait till he sees his baby for the first time...

Just make the right decision for you, not for anyone else, make the decision you think you will be able to live with...follow your heart..

Answer 3

Explain to him that this is your decision,he made his when he impregnated you. His obligation now is to provide support for you and your child. He has no right to even offer his opinion about the baby. There is a third option,which is to have the child and offer it up for adoption,this will allow you to put your life back on the track that you envisioned before the pregnancy. Please don't make decisions out of fear,or from pressure by people who don't have your best interest at heart.
Someone who insists that you do something to which you are morally opposed is only thinking of themselves,and is not worthy of your affection or respect. Take the bum to court,to establish his paternal responsibilities,and then if he really has your interest at heart he'll support your decision. He'll be surprised what he can afford when the courts order it.
I believe he will dump you immediately if you have an abortion, if he intended to to help you,with out court supervision he would let you make you own decision.
And yes, my wife and I dealt with this question 47 years ago,we have three grown children and a good life together. It was not always easy,and not at all what we envisioned for ourselves, but the bottom line is what we did was right for us.
Your decision is going to affect you for the rest of your life,so try to relax and find someone to advise you that won't pressure you in either direction. I think if you can put the fear behind you and give the situation time to sink in you will be able to think clearly about everything. Contact your local resources for mental health,community services,churches(not necessarily just the one your family uses), and any other resources that you can find. I think you need someone who will just listen to your thoughts and feelings,and let you say out loud what you know inside all ready.

Answer 4

If you dont feel like you can do that, then please DON'T! You will regret it for the rest of your life.

You know if people waited till they were financally stable to have a baby, then no one would ever have a baby. There are women that are left alone with kids and raise them by their selves and support them financially! Just because conditions are not prime right now, doesnt mean that you guys CAN'T! It may be hard, but it is defintally possible and this is exactly what state assistance is made for. If nothing else, give the baby a chance and give him or her up for adoption to people that want him or her and are more financially ready. But if you have an abortion, I can tell already, from the way you think about it, you WILL regret it. Its not worth it. If he isnt man enough to step up to the plate, let him go. Good luck hun, you can do this!

Answer 5

Put it like this, a friend of mine was 17 when she got pregnant for a guy that was in his low 30's. She said she wasn't having the baby for the guy but for herself so she went on and had the baby and now wished if she only knew how things would have turned out. I honestly tried my best to show her why it wasn't a good idea to have HIS baby, but she did not listen. Why would you even want to have a baby for someone who's not ready? Are you guys even married, come on girl you gotta think! Once you have this baby you can never turn back if things don't work out between you guys. Also a baby changes your body (well, 90 something % of mothers) are you ready to give your body up for someone who's not ready for a kid? You need to ask yourself, "what am I going to benefit from having this baby?" then take it from there. You have your whole life ahead of you and you need to set standards in your love life, you shouldn't have put yourself in the position to be pregnant especially because you guys are not married. Having a baby NEVER holds a guy down, worst when they don't want the baby. By the end of the day you're gonna have to make the last call but it doesn't hurt to measure the good and the bad of the outcome.

Answer 6

Yes he helped make it, but it is YOUR body that has to carry it. That inherently makes it your decision not his. From what you've written I can tell you have doubts. And if you have doubts, you shouldn't do it. Then you have no more options. Carry the baby. If you, at the end of your term, really believe you can't handle it, then give your baby up for adoption. They can even arrange an adoption where you are allowed to see the child every once and a while if you'd like. Please don't feel pressured by him to make this decision. Go with what you feel in your heart is right for you. Think about it for 9 months. See if he stays around. Perhaps once he sees your belly growing and really realizes what a wonderful thing is happening, he might change his mind. If he doesn't then let him go. He is not worth it.

But again...never let him pressure you. Good luck.

Answer 7

Hey- I am going through this too. The guy I've been seeing for 3-4 years basically said he wanted me to "do away with it." I was hurt and upset by his reaction, but already knew I'd keep it. Now I am 21 weeks along and we barely talk. I really don't think he will "come around" as everyone says he will. But, am getting used to the idea and am so excited for baby. I hope you can come to a decision that makes YOU happy and YOU feel good about, whatever that might be. Good luck!

Answer 8

If he's not ready for it, he's not ready for it. You can't force him to accept it and you have no guarantees that he won't leave. From the sounds of it, he will probably vanish once this is over.

While it may be hard, accept him as not being in the picture (do you really want to be with a guy who would abandon you anyway?). What do YOU want? You are the only person in this situation whose opinion matters. Let me reiterate; ONLY your choice matters.

Now; all you need to do is choose what is best for you. There is nothing wrong with wanting an abortion; it is your right and your choice. If you do not want one, though, nothing in this world should pressure you into getting one.

From the sound of this question, it seems like you have already decided to keep it - just accept that your boyfriend may be a dick, tell him what's what, and let the dice fall as they will.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

You are right not to count on him.
Please consider adoption if you are not ready to be a single mom. There are many loving couples who would be willing to raise your unplanned baby as their own and could also help you with expenses during the pregnancy. It is possible (but again don't count on it) that your bf would be able to continue the relationship with you if he knew that he wouldn't have to be a father yet.

You are right to be concerned about living with an abortion. Everyone I know who has had one has serious guilt and regret issues down the road.

Your other option of course is to keep the baby and force him to at least pay child support. What other support will you have from family, friends, etc? How will you manage if you have to raise this child alone? And consider the consequences of a hostile or estranged relationship between the child and the father.

Again, I urge you to strongly consider adoption and put the baby before both your own and your bf's interests. From now on, hopefully you will use birth control or abstain from sex until you have found someone that is committed to you and ready to share the consequences with you.

Answer 10

Where do you live sweetheart? Because if you line anywhere near Poughkeepsie NY I will personally find your "partner" and kick his ***! He is in no way acting like a partner or a friend to you. He is putting you in a horrible position and trying to force you to make a like altering decision based on his selfishness.

Being a parent isn't easy but Please don't let someone else dictate what you do with this baby. If he chooses not to be a part of your life if YOU choose to have the baby..than you and your little one are better off.

Please don't be afraid to talk to your friends and family and ask for their help and support. This is a HUGE decision and you should be surrounded by people who TRULY Love you and have your best interest at heart. Which it is very clear that your boyfriend does not!

Good Luck Sweetheart and If you need to talk I am here... [e-mail]

Devon- 26 f