Help me please...Divorce is not at all an option..We have been married for 4 yrs..earlier he had a affair with

Question

a girl and also friendship with three other girls. He says its friendship but it goes beyond their limits. He used to send them money and anything they want. BUT HE ALWAYS SAYS THAT HE LOVES ME MORE THAN THEM. Since he lost his mom he felt alone and maintained close relations with them. After our marriage it took me 1 year to completely get rid of their problem. I changed his phone number and our home and everything. I took his passwords and used to check his mails very often.This went for another year nothing happened so I started trusting him. But few months ago he found a girl who was one of his so called friends contact number somewhere and called her. Everytime when I ask him about these things he says I am sorry.I didnt mean to hurt you I wont repeat this..but he does it again. He stays more time on phone on computer he never likes to spend his time with me. I need to remind him that I am still alive and I need him..I am feeling insecured and lonely...what to do

I tried all the ways expalined how I fell when he talks to them he didnt stop doing them. Then only I changed numbers and address...I took his sisters help also he says he will change but never

Answer 1

Whats wrong with you are you really fat and an embarassment to him?

Some guys like spending their (and your) money on pretty girls who look up to them, kind of like a father figure.... but sometimes with benifits.... the girls treat him like Daddy, where you might treat him like your 2nd kid...

Guys like naughty girls who can be durty at times... try spicing things up with him.. call him daddy... and how about actually hug him and hold him and flirt with him.... so he dosen't have to get that else where... and lose the weight at jenny Craig... if you have too...

Answer 2

Your name "New Mom" indicates that you have a child? You did not mention this though. Is that the reason that you feel divorce is not an option because you need his financial support and a father for your child? If he doesn't start acting like a husband and father then your daughter or son will learn that this is how you treat a wife and mother by watching how he treats you. He or she will learn to cheat and hurt his or her future spouse.

The bottom line is you both need marriage counseling and fast! You can each vocalise what you want and expect from the marriage through a counselor. If he refuses to go then that would indicate he doesn't care and doesn't want things to change. But YOU do want and need things to change, so go alone and see if you can get yourself some help first because you need it for yourself.

You are allowing him to walk all over you because you let it happen and when you don't have a bottom line...like I will leave you if you continue this behavior.Without a bottom line he will continue to do what he wants. But don't threaten anything and then not follow through, because he will see it's all threats and no action. Think about it and if you really will leave if he doesn't stop this disrespectful crap with these other women, then tell him so if it happens once more. Walk out the door and do not return until he agrees to get help and that it appears to be helping. In other words don't run back to him because he says he will get help. Make sure he goes to a counselor, bettter yet you both go together. When you can see progress and the bad behavoir stops then you will consider moving back, but not until you both discuss what is acceptable and what is not.

You also mention he lost his mom. He may be hurting inside and not knowing how to handle this loss. Another reason for him to see a counselor...but maybe discussing his mom alone with the counselor would be better for him.

Ask a family member or a friend if you can stay with them for a while. Good luck.

Answer 3

Think about this logically. Are you able to stay in a relationship where you are the infidelity police more than a wife? Can you stay by your husband while he cheats on you? If he loved you would he disrespect you this way?

I guess staying with a man that cares less about your relationship and more about pleasing himself is worth your time. Get a divorce, and start your life with someone who will treat you right. Is it better to be miserable married then happy divorced?

Answer 4

I don't know why divorce isn't an option for you, but fine I'll respect that.

But you have to realise that you may have to live the rest of your life like this. And just because you won't initiate a divorce doesn't mean that he won't. You're not giving him reason to respect you.

He obviously is cheating on you and you let him. If he really does love you, he won't do this. He says he loves you because you're the only person who will take this crap! Please for the sake of your own sanity, have some dignity and self-respect and do something about this.

Answer 5

You say divorce is not an option so you are going to simply have to live with the fact that he doesn't give a damn about you. You say you NEED him well obviously he doesn't NEED you and until you get a backbone he is going to continue to walk all over you. You bring all of this upon yourself. Stop blaming him and the other women in his life for YOU allowing him to use you. Either shut up and put up with it or leave.

Answer 6

Since divorce is not an option, then you're stuck with a cheater. You can't trust this man, and you have to keep him on a tight leash by changing passwords, even your address. Give me a break. What do you want to hear? He cheats. He lies. You married a cheater and a liar. Accept it and continue to allow him to do it, or leave. You get what you tolerate. Don't complain. At this point, you're doing it to yourself.

Answer 7

Honey, one of my best friends in the world is a guy, but, out of respect for his wife, he does not keep in close contact with me. If your husband really loved and respected your feelings, he would not be keeping in such close contact with these chicks. Changing the numbers is not going to do any good if he gives the numbers out himself, or does the calling. I swear, I believe if I found concrete proof that he was cheating, then I would kick him to the curb and let those "friends" tend to his bruised ego.

Answer 8

You pose an interesting question. Have you tried developing a hobby or something that you are both interested in, spending close and quality time with him to reinforce the fact that you are closely intertwined? Men are simple creatures and can only do one thing at a time. Capitalize on this failing of nature.

Answer 9

And why again isn't divorce an option here?

If you are religious, then certainly you MUST know that it is even written in the Bible that Adultery is the only acceptable reason to divorce.

Even God Himself detests cheating.

Answer 10

other than Counseling. . .
Divorce is the only option I can think of

Why is Divorce NOT an option?

Please believe that he will continue with the same behavior.

Answer 11

Until death do we part huh, well you stay with the cheater you might get your wish no telling what little bug he may bring home to you kind of like playing Russian roulette these days..