Torn between two, What should I do?

Question

I am a 26yr old female, I have been with my fiance for 3 years, and now I am 11 weeks pregnant with his kid. However we are living with his father who I don't see eye to eye with, and it has become a big problem, lately me and my fiance are fighting alot more than usual he has lied to me on serveral occasions but he swears it will never happen again. I have been staying with a friend for the last few weeks where I met another guy he is a year younger than me, and has everything I always looked for, he gives me a feeling that my fiance just cant supply. But yet I still don't know if I should leave my fiance, part of me believes I'm only staying with him because of the baby, part of me believes I still can make things work, Last night I went home to my fiance but all I could think about was the other guy.

maybe I should re-explain the father situation. We are out on our own, his father came to live with us, as my fiance thought it would be easier since his father is in his 60's he wants to be there. However My apartment is in my name, bills are in my name, I'm not about to be told what to do in my home. I have been living here since I'm 17 when I had my first child. I don't like to feel as though I am a stranger in my own home. But many responses have told me to get my own place and out of the fathers, it is my place.

Answer 1

From experience you shouldn't stay with someone for the child because it never works out for the child. It's better for the child to be from a broken home than living in 1. It seems to me that you have found someone that you feel comfortable with and that you feel you can be with. You feel you can work it out with your fiance because you have been with him long enough to make a baby believe me I have been here before and me staying for the kids never worked I was miserable the kids were miserable and everything ended worse than it would have if I had someone to tell me what I'am about to tell you no matter how much you may want your relationship with your fiance to work it may not work because now there will be more responsibility for the both of you which means more arguing and more fighting no seeing eye to eye you need to do whats best for you and your child and get out of the situtation before it turns into a hate relationship You can always let your partner know that he can see his child whenever that you will NEVER use the child as a weapon against him and that if things change during your time apart you will consider coming back and building alife but you will not deal with the lying. You deserve better and that you want better for your child. Try that and if you feel that you have chance at making it happen with the other person than go for it you never know unless you try. As far as your fiance let him show you he loves you and has changed before you go back.

Answer 2

You need to go back to staying with the friend until you figure this out. You didn't say that you loved your fiance and that should be the basis of any relationship. On the other hand, does the new guy know that you are pregnant?
If you and the fiancee stay together you need to get your own place away from his father and if not, you have to get your own place and if you decide to move on with this new guy, you have to make sure that he is everything that you have ever looked for and not just an alternative to the bad situation with the fiancee.
Perhaps if you can get some counseling somewhere it will make it easier for you to decide by talking all of this over with someone. It may be that you need time to work on why you got into the relationship with the fiancee to begin with if it was because of low self esteem or wanting to be with someone so much you overlooked some faults in him, like living with his father at 26 years of age, assuming he is the same age as you. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Answer 3

The 'feeling that my fiance just can't supply' is the newness of the relationship.

You havn't lived with this guy, had dissagreements with him, you don't know about his obsesive mother :), he 'LOOKS' as though he's problem free.

But he's not. As soon as you move in with him, you'll find he's not perfect, and the problems with him will just be different then the problems you're having with your fiance.

Get your own place to live. !!!! Then work it out with your fiance without the dad around. The dad is probably disgusted that he has both of you in his house.

Someday, you don't want to look at this baby to come, and say, " I was living with your dad, and we were going to get married, but there were some problems. And it was just easier to switch to another guy away from the problems instead of solving them. Sorry. "

Answer 4

You need to think about you, your happiness and YOUR life. What do you want for you and your child in life? Keeping this child and moving on means you will still have to deal with the child's father in life. Get set to go thru a whole range of emotions. You dont need the extra added BS in life (ie with the lying etc). You need to focus on you and your child and the life you want to live. Not too mention if this other fella is ready to take on another man's child before it's even born. I think some soul searching needs to be done. Good luck!

Answer 5

Hey girl :), don't sweat it. Besides your guy acting the way he did, ur also in a vulnerable stage, due to the hormones in the pregnancy and what not. Maybe if you wait until the baby is born, you will feel differently. But, if there's a chance that it just ain't working, Hope you the best.

Answer 6

you should think of delivering the baby first, safe and sound, before any other thing.

when you see your baby, by then i know you can decide wisely. im not concluding you'll choose the father of the child, but it will be a different flow of emotions when you're already a mother. you can sit then and talk to both men in your life and discuss your feelings towards each of them and about the child's future in case. let's face it girl, you're emotions are not the only one important here but your baby as well.. got it babe!

Answer 7

i would stay with the babies daddy , you found someone to replace the need of the daddy, get out of the fathers house first and make a life as the three of you deserve and of course yournot hetting along with the father , you have not earned his respect your shackedup @ his house playing house with his son and you wonder why you dont get along? duhmake daddy get ya'll a home then you play house . you put the pie in the oven before you even own one what sense does that make.

Answer 8

You need to sit down and talk to your finance about your feelings. If you are sticking around for the sake of the child, this is not good.

Prior to sitting down with your finance, you better think hard about your feelings for this other guy. Are you sure this is not because of living in a household of fighting with the father?

If you sit down, make sure it is in an enviroment where you and him are not fighting..

Good luck

Answer 9

Your hormones are all over the place at the moment.Try to find a place of your own,ask the father of your child if he intends to marry you or what.I think that living with parents,yours or his is dicey at the best of times.

Answer 10

the new guy is exciting now.. but if you were to take up with him you would still have problems - no relationship is 100% perfect.. the secret is learning how to deal with the flaws...

if you are living with your fiances dad and playing "grown up" isnt it about time you actually do grow up? eg. move out..
as you said his dad is part of the problem..
if you guys are playing marriage - getting pregnant etc.. its about time you took up the role completely - buy a house and move the heck out of dads place...