The problem with that is that he seems to use this "gift" mostly in me. He constantly points out my wrongs and mistakes. He constantly uses opportunities to show me why and how something I did was wrong. I guess he is trying to help me. It makes me constantly feel like I can't do anything right. When I talk to him about it, he says that he is just telling the truth. What can I do to not let the things he says get to me? I know that you cannot change a person, but how you react to the person...
2007-10-29 02:32:15 · 15 answers · asked by Jaedyn=God has heard 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he is telling you the truth I'd ask him to tell you the truth about 2 positive aspects about you before he brings up 1 negative and he's not to use the same 2 over and over.
The criticism must be wearing your self confidence away.
He might just be doing it if he feels his input isn't valued so I'd make a point of asking him for advice or help once in a while and thanking him
2007-10-29 02:42:57 · answer #1 · answered by OzDonna 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mother and my fiancee suffer from the same gift! I've learned to cope with it by simply pointing out to them that just because I do things different from how they would do them does not mean its wrong. Their way is not the only way. As long as it gets done, then it doesn't matter how I did it. I remind them that everyone makes mistakes. Noone is perfect. Ask him how would he like it if you were constantly pointing out his short comings?? Tell him you learn from experience, so if you're doing it wrong, then you'll know how to do it better next time. At least you're trying and not waiting on him to do it all. Now, if he thinks he can do it better, then let him. That way you have more leisure time to yourself and he'll have to see what its like to handle everything. My fiancee thinks he can cook better than me and he complains about how I cook....so I started letting him do all of the cooking(Fine with me!). He soon got tired of that and I didn't get anymore complaints from him. When you put all the burden on someone they will realize how much they really need you or they will realize the good things that you do to really help.
2007-10-29 02:46:04 · answer #2 · answered by concernone 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You could just mention that if all these things are so wrong with you then why did he marry you? We all have little quirks and flaws but there's no need to pick on someone continually. Besides if he was doing it to help you he'd make an effort to deliver it in a manner that didn't hurt your feelings. It's the difference between constructive criticism and plain old mean.
If it's making you feel bad then maybe he's feeling insecure himself. Maybe deep down he's frightened you'll leave him so he's trying to make himself better by making you look bad. I don't know but it's not fair that you feel picked on all the time and he should be more sensitive.
2007-10-29 02:41:18 · answer #3 · answered by Nic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First. You both need to get into marriage counseling. He needs to figure out why he feels this overwhelming compulsion to point out negatives all of the time in order to be in control. Clearly he is feeling extremely insecure in general if he needs to keep you under wraps by being such a critic.
You might consider the benefits of counseling in being able to tell him when he is getting on your nerves and when he makes you angry. Counseling is usually covered at least in part by any sort of health insurance you have. Especially if you have some insurance from work.
Lastly. You certainly can change a person. People change every day. Unfortunately because they are not trying to improve themselves and opt to instead just act out, be couch potatoes, drink or abuse drugs or otherwise screw themselves up they are usually changing for the worse. People and guys can change for the better. You are not going to change him but he can change himself. If he is any sort of decent husband he will want to improve or become a better husband.
2007-10-29 02:39:26 · answer #4 · answered by philosopherborn 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be very polite and ask him how he would do this before you do it. Keep him in there making him explain every step, taking about 30 minutes of his time before you do anything. Pretty soon he will get tired of spending so much time instructing you on every step and either do it himself or ask why you are all of a sudden asking for all this advice. Tell him you are tired of being critized and condemned for everything you do, that it hurts your feelings, so you thought you would get his approval before anything was done. When he spends his time and gets personally involved with each little project, than maybe he will realize his being overbearing and leave you alone about it. Do not get mad, go in with an innocent and inquiring mind and ask him 400 questions, tell him you want to get it right the first time, best of luck.
2007-10-29 02:43:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not trying to help you - he either is truly ignorant about what is appropriate to say, or he is a self-righteous, self-important jerk who enjoys saying things to hurt others. I would suggest couple's therapy, or if he will not go with you, go by yourself. Or take a course in assertiveness training so that you can learn how to tell him this is not appropriate behavior and be firm about it.
Another strategy would be to completely ignore - do not acknowledge with your facial expression, do not answer, ignore that he has spoken when he says things like this. Please note that I am not suggesting the silent treatment overall - you would respond in positive way whenever he says things that are not hurtful. It's just that if he gets any satisfaction out of you feeling hurt, that makes him want to do it more. If you give him no satisfaction, eventually he will get bored and stop doing it. It's kinda like when we were in school, and there was a bully teasing us, and the teachers told us to ignore the nasty teasing.
2007-10-29 03:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by Windi Lea 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do no longer you think of he's over reacting to the placement . the main suitable difficulty to do is to purpose explaining and if that would not artwork .Get on your knees and pray to the lord that your husband's approach approximately this type of subject has to alter or you have gotten a problematic time with him interior the destiny . i've got under no circumstances considered the devil pray could be this could knock some experience into his brains .
2016-10-02 23:55:01 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he's a control-freak. He wants to find an opportunity to get involved with everything you do and he does this by finding mistakes. It's not you, it's not what you do, it's just that he (for whatever reason) is a control freak. It could be for attention, it could be for many things.
2007-10-29 02:39:36 · answer #8 · answered by Obscur 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being that he is constantly doing this I can see where it gets OLD. He must think he is perfect. Anyway, just to stay out of fighting...when he points something out just tell him that you'll think about it and see weather or not you find you agree...he will just forget all about what he pointed out weather you change it or not.
2007-10-29 02:38:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is too controlling and who died and left him boss, no one is perfect including your husband, i would have to tell him like it is and yes that habit can be changed especially when it bothers your significant other there is no need to keep pointing out all your faults, he needs to stop and respect who you are not just the other way around....
2007-10-29 03:21:47 · answer #10 · answered by Renee 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋