My boyfriend of 5 years (we have a daughter, a family, live 2gether, etc.) had cheated on me once. He came clean to me about it and I didn't have to find out about it otherwise.
He is a great guy, and a great dad, and I have realized he has made a mistake. I can forgive the infedilty but I have a problem with the lying.
The thing is after everything we';ve been talking and we've been trhough, we had sex for the first time in a few days, and it did not feel the same. It was good, but why didn't it feel the same.
I am willing to work this out, how do I get past this? Why did it feel different? Will it ever feel like it was again? It's almos tlike I thought about him with her, and at the same time I wanted to get past it. I don't know what to do?
I didn't think sex would fix anything but at the same time, I wanted it, so that's why I did it. I had no idea it would feel different.
2007-10-29 02:05:24 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Did we try too early to have sex?
Should I stop going on hormones and wait until I have healed a little more?
???
2007-10-29 02:05:56 · update #1
The sex was good, it just didn't feel the same. I am usually more into it, and although I had a great day not thinking about tis, when it came time for sex, everything came back to my mind
2007-10-29 04:20:07 · update #2
A cheating mate is one of the most difficult things to get over in a relationship. It is possible that it was a little too soon to have sex. And just the fact that you two had sex rather than making love was a sure clue that you weren't ready yet. It's very difficult to look at your mate in the same light after he has been with another woman. So if you plan on staying in this relationship, the two of you have to understand that it will take a lot of time to build up the trust (despite what you say, you're not going to trust him 100% for a while), and the bond that you once had. Forget about sex for a while and try to work on friendship and romance. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-10-29 02:15:26 · answer #1 · answered by wrtrchk 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think sex is okay, but only if you're ready. If you're taking hormones for a reason, or birthcontrol don't stop takin them.
I think you both still connect, but it's now different. It's ackward for you and him, because you both are probably thinking the same things when you're having sex. He feels guilty and you feel betrayed. When you put thoughs feelings in the mix sex will feel ackward. I'm pretty sure he still loves you and you love him. It's something you both have to work at. It's gonna take time.
Like I said before, you both should get tested for STD's. You may not like it, but you may want to think about condoms.
****You guys really need to get married only if you're both ready. Like Lydia said you need a committent from him.****
2007-10-29 21:56:31 · answer #2 · answered by Jaydee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If my mother had given up on my father I would have missed out on the greatest dad on earth. We all make mistakes but forgiving is always easier then forgetting. Time will make things better, No it will not make it the same as it was but it will get better. That thought will always be there in the back of your mind every time he is late, don't answer the phone, says he is going out, you name it the thought will always be there. Just remember he put it there it is up to him to take it away. You can do nothing about the thoughts except choose not to dwell on it.
2007-10-29 02:35:42 · answer #3 · answered by Atheist 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your trust was betrayed, so you don't feel the same having sex.
No don't stop the birth control. It's not good for your body to start and stop. Unless I misunderstood and your on hormones to get pregnant not to prevent it there is absolutely no need to stop. In fact, the pill has so many benefits many women who are not sexually active or in lesbian relationship stay on the pill. If contraceptives are so unpleasant for you that you can't wait to stop, change brands or methods.
2007-10-29 02:09:42 · answer #4 · answered by some female 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This simply shows how the BRAIN is the biggest sex organ out there, along with the heart.
You knew in your heart it wasn't a good idea. He could have brought you home some dread disease, for example. I would have a real hard time 'getting past this'.
However, you are shacking up, not married - so he is single and totally free to do as he wants -- so sorry....
2007-10-29 03:05:03 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For the sake of your daughter, I think it would be best to consider divorce. I'm sorry, but once a cheater always a cheater. If he's lied to you before, then theres an 100% chance he'll do it again. You didn't feel the same when you had sex because your thinking about the other women. It will always be in the back of your mind, to be honest, he's a lowlife... GET RID!
2007-10-29 02:12:02 · answer #6 · answered by Charlie. 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like the emotions aren't quite back where they were yet. It makes a difference
2007-10-29 02:10:25 · answer #7 · answered by wizjp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's different because you're different, because he's different. You don't take a blow to your relationship like infidelity and then expect everything to stay the same. Everything being the same caused the infidelity in the first place.
2007-10-29 02:09:58 · answer #8 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
being a woman you probably should wait your emotions tend to lead the way. But what was different about the sex? what do you mean it was different?
2007-10-29 02:09:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are only three ways you can sort out marital problems B,1/You work them out,either by yourselves or with professional help.
2/You tolerate them and don't mention them again.
or,3/ You leave. I think number one is your best option don't you?
2007-10-29 02:26:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋