My husband has decided in my last few weeks of pregnancy that he is not in a "good place" emotionally right now. As a result, I don't feel like I can count on him to help me through the delivery and afterwards. I don't want to spend the money on a Doula ($800), my parents are not the type to be good in the delivery room, and I have no close friends locally that could help. I also am embarassed by this whole situation, and don't really want to drag others into it. Is it unusual to show up to deliver a baby alone? Can it be done? My husband went to Lamaze with me, but he was miserable and thinks it's all a bunch of BS. I just don't think I can rely on him to be supportive and help out. I am even thinking of asking a cousin of mine to come help take care of the baby afterwards. Any advice?
2007-10-28 23:28:02 · 11 answers · asked by thechewiedog 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
oh god no. Nothing wierd at all. Dont' be embarrassed. I am a single mom of two. the first time my mom was there. She and I had a falling out (she thinks I am deceived by Satan or something because I choose a different religion). So the second baby I had a girlfriend come from out of town. If she would have not made it in from out of town in time, I would have done it alone too. You are gonig to have a baby! You are giving birth to a life! Your very own child to raise and comfort and love and screw up, lol (JK). That is not embarassing, that is just beautiful
2007-10-28 23:34:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really admire the girl above who did it alone, but there's no way I could have done it.
You might not need someone for emotional support, but it's great to have someone there for practical stuff like getting you a drink, helping you walk to the toilet, calling the nurse/midwife when you need them (there are long periods when you don't have a midwife with you) and just keeping you company.
You also need someone to be your voice in the labour room. You might have a good idea about what you want in terms of pain relief, delivery positions, monitoring of the baby etc, and you might not be capable of making your views known once you are in labour. It is great to have someone to explain things to the medical staff and encourage you to stick with your goals.
I would ask your husband to pay for a doula - after all if he's not willing to hold up his end of the bargain (he was there for the fun part of getting pregnant, wasn't he!) then the least he can do is help you find a good support person if he can't face up to his responsibiities. While family or a friend is good, a doula is professional and understands your situation.
Do you have a close friend you could bring to stay with you for a couple of weeks around the time of the birth? You will definitely need some help after the baby is born as well as for the birth.
2007-10-28 23:55:45 · answer #2 · answered by jess b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband needs to speak to a doctor about the feelings he is having. He needs to be there for you and to bond with his baby. There may be an underlying reason why he doesn't feel comfortable with the whole thing.
I think you should really have someone there to hold your hand and encourage you as it makes all the difference. Afterwards is going to be harder than the labour especially if you don't have a supportive husband to help. Speak to him about speaking to a professional about his feelings and see if that helps him.
And yes you can show up and deliver alone. I really feel for you though. Approach your mum and dad though and ask them gently for their support. Even if they are at the hospital but not necessarily in the room could be a big help to you. Knowing some one is their to share the wonderful moment the baby enters the world is not to be missed.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you. Don't do it alone, find someone to be with you.
2007-10-28 23:45:32 · answer #3 · answered by Cindy; mum to 3 monkeys! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow i reckon your husband needs to grow up, theres someone else to think of right now, and u need all the support u can get at such an important time in your life....but who knows maybe he'll come around, coz u realy need someone to b there for u, it can b comforting....
N honey, dont think ur dragging anyone into the birth, im sure they would love to b there :) Just b a little selfish coz u desearve it, carrying ur lil one into the world for 9 months!
2007-10-28 23:33:02 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'll rather advice is you must go to a maternity clinic or to the hospital where you can surely that there is no complication arises during labor and after giving birth.It is better to spend a money for goods especially to your baby and your self too.Just set aside the problem that you have to your husband ,just think first the safety of the baby and you. And after you give birth and you prepare to resolve the problem so thats the time to tackle it.I know its hard but set the priority to myour self thats all.
2007-10-28 23:56:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you really need to talk to your husband, he SEIROUSLY needs to become an adult not a child, no offence.
Secondly, when you're there in birth, especially when you bite his hand from pain or something (which a few women have done) he's not going to be so skeptical, trust me.
But the most important point is that you really do need someone there just to lean on during labour, because it's very draining, you need someone to give you some water to drink, to rub your back, to hold your hand.
My mother and I had a horrible relationship, and it's still not pretty, nor was it when I was pregnant. But I was really glad she came with me to labour, because I really really needed someone to just be there for me.
You really do need someone to help you in labour.
2007-10-28 23:42:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excuse me for saying but you havent got much of a husband if hes willing to let you go through childbirth alone!! He needs a good kick in the behind!!
I wouldn't say do it alone its a long tough road childbirth and you need someone you know who will support you through this and its sad its not your husband hes suppose to be your partner through life and be with you through the ups and downs not cop out because hes not in a 'good place'.
No woman is in a good place before childbirth either were emotional wrecks and the one person we should be able to rely on is our husbands, he needs a good slap!!
You NEED someone you know there for you xx
2007-10-28 23:35:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for it.. or if you have another family member that would like to be there for this special occasion.. then i would take them with me.. and ask them if they want to help out a bit after and when you go home a bit.
Giving birth .. bringing a baby into this world is soo exciting, and amazing.
Your husband needs to grow up!!! He is gonna miss out of one of the most amazing things ever!!! He is gonna regrett it.
2007-10-29 00:07:45 · answer #8 · answered by DrkBreizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was the birthing partner for one of my friends and am going to be again in 3 months time (different friends), some men just need to grow up and realize what they are missing out on, sad really but they do! ask your cousin or other family member to come with you, or just do it alone, you would be Betta off alone than worrying about how your husband is feeling, and getting stressed out at him being grumpy. i wish you luck, you can do this with or without him!
2007-10-28 23:42:10 · answer #9 · answered by Baby Dee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that your husband will come around well hopefully he will..but yea it would be a good idea if yuo asked your cousin and maybe through too. So you won't be alone and if you get scared she will be there to comfort you
2007-10-28 23:37:14 · answer #10 · answered by ipod 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋