My husband and i have been having trouble and he is living away at the moment to sort himself out and see if we still have a marriage. He just told me today that on Friday he had sex with his friend (girl) and that all it was, was just that. What do i do give him another chance or leave it? Should he get points for being honest with me. He said he wanted to let everything out in the open before he came back home
2007-10-28 18:36:38 · 41 answers · asked by girly girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he wants his cake yadda yadda yadda. I don't know how you feel inside. I think you know what's best for you better than I would, but from an outsider's view, he cheated on you and spit on your marriage vows. Do you want to give him another chance? What's to stop him from moving out & doing it again?
But as I said, you know what's best for you. If you feel he's telling the truth and it was only sex - with a friend (someone he sees regurlarly?) - maybe you should give him ano...sorry, I can't finish typing that sentence - it's just not right.
2007-10-28 18:49:39 · answer #1 · answered by Don 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wheter he had sex with someone else or not is irrellevant. You were seperated and he was honest with you. That is a laudable trait and rare.
The real answer is does the marriage work or doesn't it. It is more about whether a relationhip is good rather than who you or he has sex with. Don't get me wrong. Sex is a critical element of a relationship and marriage, but it is not the measure of a relationship or marriage.
May people have sucessful marriages with no sex at all, many have sucessful non-mongamous marriages (I know that because I have been happily married for 27 years to the love of my life and we are both non-manogamous), many people have sucessful marriages with various amounts of sex.
The real issue is, do you like each other? Do you care for each other? Do you feel you want him in your life? Do you trust his honesty and use it as a basis to solve the problems in your marriage or is that irrelevant? Is he creating a situation that will cause you harm and you need to look out for your self interest? Are you friends?
If you can answer these questions for yourself then there is reason to talk to your husband about working on the marriage. If you can't or the answers indicate that there is very little basis to rebuild the relationship then there is good reason to end the marriage.
You also have to answer for yourself, since the sex was with a friend of his, whether you want him back though he may continue the relationship with his friend. That is a distinct possiblity. For me, it would be fine. But for you that may be a deal breaker. You need to listen to him to decide whether this was a fling or something more. And, no matter the answer, you need to decide if you can live with the answer. If you can, then you have found a path to follow back to him. If you can't well then, I think you know the answer... It is time to move on.
He should be credited with being honest.. The amount of credit is up to you. He has given you the information to begin to make your own decisions, use it. Ask more questions about his relationship with her. Ask more questions about how he sees the relationship with you developing. Ask more questions and then make informed decisions.
Good luck.
2007-10-31 10:44:58 · answer #2 · answered by jryanwinterhaven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its so hard to decide in terms that you still have to figure out on how to solve the whole issues ..if you have children , house property and stuff like it ..which can be a pain in the Head ...but to tell you the truth , he slept with his friend and he told you that ,
to me seriously i wouldnt stay ,i would rather ask him to leave or i do ...coz what makes you think ...say if you forgave him and things were back to what we can say is normal , and how sure then will you be that he wont do that again with his close friend ...
Believe me its already done ...coz even if you take him back and
come a time say he comes home late ...and he says i was working late ...will you believe him after you already know that he once slept with his friend and in your mind some how you will be thinking maybe he went to do it again...
you wont believe him ...
so either way its still not good .He messed up this marriage, just when he took the courage to take off his clothes for another woman and did it .
i wish there was an easy way to solve it without you breaking this marriage but its already on the broken road ....he did it and hes gonna do it again ... once cant be the end ... he will still hunt for more .
But if you dont mind all this , then take him back at ur own risk...meaning
(a)crying underpillow (b)heartches (c)sad at heart and less happy(d)smilling so hard when you have visiters at ur home for lunchon or dinners ,just to put an impression that all is fine and yet ...your heart knows it all...etc....
Do what you think is right ...how did you really feel after he said it ,straight to ur face?
Hang in there and be strong to do the rite thing ....Good luck and hope you find happiness ...one way or the other .
2007-10-29 00:15:04 · answer #3 · answered by Elizabeth N 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems he is definately sorting things out all right. While you're at home trying to keep a house hold for him to come back to ,, he's out living it up.
His plea is was no commitment to this girl friend, and that makes it innocent. Where's the proof that this will be his last ? When the stress is too much, your in a bad mood, and there's a cute woman at work ?
It is good that he was strong enough to tell you, rather than keep it a secret, also a possible sign that he can't commit to you now !!
He said sex was not a comitment with this girl friend, so just what to him makes sex a commitment, could you ask him this ?
Just be careful and look out for yourself too !!!!!
2007-10-28 19:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Tom M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that on being open and honest resolves to ideas that may occur, if and when you guys get back together. Why would he even tell you that he had sex with another girl? Seems weird and out of line to just come out with that question. If shes a friend then it might be one of the reasons why you two are having trouble. I think you should get as much info on that situation as possible cause if you two do get back they might still have a fling going on.
Good luck on your decision.
2007-10-28 18:45:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have very strong values when it comes to marriage. First and formost are you strong enough to forgive him for sleeping with another women why he is married to you. Remember it is not like you to were boyfriend and girlfriend and took a break. Is the reason he took a break to be close to her (his friend). To me marriage is all about trust, do you feel you can trust him? I would not be able to let him come home. He has broke his vows to me and has cheated on me. I would have to wonder if he is trying to make you end the marriage instead of him. Please be strong and let him go before you get hurt more. The pain will be less, than if you were to let him come back and he leaves again.
2007-10-28 18:55:16 · answer #6 · answered by Fifer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can leave or live with him is the last step and before that u have to listen some words---first u will appreciate his honesty.If its done without ur knowledge then its really a bluffing thing.And another u keep in mind that if this is the first mistake by him- u will forgive him as all of us human who make mistakes in some cicumstances.But he is habituated to the same and saying after all done -- this is the right time to be separated and choose the bestone or be free for some time to reset ur peace.So, Now this is upto u.......Best of luck.
2007-10-28 18:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by ramrohit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you told me, I would say he didn't do so well sorting himself out. If he were serious about the marriage he wouldn't have had the friendly sex. It's up to you though - do you love him, are there children to be considered, do you really want the marriage to work? I don't think I would be very trustful of a man that went away to figure things out and had sex with a "friend."
2007-10-28 18:43:45 · answer #8 · answered by Kate J 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You were living apart, aka separated. You practically gave him a green light to cheat, walk away etc. I agree with the people who said you need to live in the same place ESPECIALLY when you're having problems. Give him 1 more real chance. Not a half-@ss chance where if he doesn't fix things in a week you kick him out again. Let him move back in, give him a couple months to prove himself, but only if you're still in love with him! I hope you don't have kids, for their sake..
2007-10-28 19:11:03 · answer #9 · answered by MuñecaBarbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe a marriage should have trust love and honesty. Good on him for telling you but I reckon you would have found out or the guilt was too much for him. Having separated or living away spells trouble for both parties to stray. In saying this he should have NOT had sex with another girl. Why didn't he just ring you.
I'm sorry to sound blunt, but if my wife slept with another man I would not forgive her. Best of luck on this one....
2007-10-28 22:35:09 · answer #10 · answered by Justme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋