Help!! I just got married and my husband doesn't want sex!?

Question

I am 20 and my husband is 22 and we just got married this month. My husband has no sex drive at all, and I want it at least 3-4 times a week. I am very pretty, not fat, and I am very fun to be with. I don't understand what is going on?!?! I try to talk about it to him and he says that it will get better....but its been this way for the past 5 months or so. Can anyone help? I feel so ugly and unwanted, its killing me!

Answer 1

Reality has struck him, he has realized that at 22 his happy life of freedom and Independence is now over.

Answer 2

Don't feel ugly and unwanted, there is a problem and believe you need to get your man to the doctors. Don't wish to gloat, but I still cant get enough and I've been married for 10 years. IIf he thinks it will get better and its taken 5 months already... sorry bit it wont till he address it. Don't feel down coz I'm sure its not you, just continue to discuss it together,but try and both or at least himself go to get professional help.

It wouldn't want to continue as you will only feel disappointed. Wish I could do more for you. Hope it works out. Would be interest to find out the cause of all this.

See ya

Answer 3

So.. you're afraid to have sex with your husband because of your figure? So why did you marry him, then? Marriage should be based on trust. If you're not sure you can trust him enough not to make fun of you, then you shouldn't be married. You shouldn't have married someone you're afraid to have sex with! I really hope you're joking.

Answer 4

I feel your pain - literally. Look at Grace's answer and read it carefully. If you truly love him and care about him, then find ways to communicate to him that you're very worried. You need to be clear though that it is a problem and that it needs to be solved.

Don't let it become habit or normal and don't go assuming he's getting it elsewhere. Show him you love him in other ways and tell him that this is driving you crazy and making you unsure of your place in his life. Tell him that you need to work at the problem rather than wait and you need to know what you can both do to fix the problem.

Just because he's seemingly okay with the status quo doesn't mean that there's no problem - he just needs to see it from your perspective to start to work on it with you.

Good luck

Answer 5

My husband is the same. Pretty much since i gave birth to our first child, the sex has realy tailed off. We dont have sex anymore really. I have talked to him about it several times. He says its because we live in a one bedroomed flat so he doesnt want our children to see us (but what about the front room???). He says its cos the walls are thin so he doesnt want the neighbours to hear. he also says he feels stressed because he hasnt got a job at the moment (???).

Basically he is full of excuses!! I love him and wouldnt want to end things with him, especially since we have 2 kids, but I am not willing to raise the issue again, i am tired of raising it.

Mind you my husband is 41, not early 20s.

Answer 6

Maybe 3-4 times a week is to many for him. How many times can he a week? Perhaps he needs to see a Urologist to see if there are any physical problems. I hate to ask this but could he be gay? Is he faithful? Compassionate? Truthful? Considerate? Non-drug or alcohol user? Financial provider? Those are the things that outweigh sex over the years. Don't take it personal.

Answer 7

It's NOT you Sweetie. This is about him. He needs you more than ever right now.

Stop searching for something you've done wrong, or something you could be lacking to have cause his unusual behaviour. It's pointless, and may even make the situation more emotionally charged and complicated for you both as a result.

There is a good chance he may feel inadequate, embarrassed or (like you)just plain confused and unsure, as to what is going on to make him feel this way.

Men may often find it difficult to admit they have a problem, sometimes due to the fear of appearing less masculine. They are often also lacking the skills to express how they feel in the first place ( unlike us Females) and may feel exposing their vulnerability is a sign of weakness, worried about appearing weak, or "less than" comfortable jeopardising his so called "'Manhood", associated with a bunch of perpetuated stereo-types.

Assuming you have exhausted all other plausible explanations for his change in mood or behavior(and by the sounds of it you have) then - Please, see a Doctor sooner rather than later.

This advice is based on my personal opinion only, the info.you provided in your question and is only grounded in Speculation. I am no expert and am not cliaming to have the correct answer here, but I've seen this before... in many couples. Just an option to consider.

Lack of Libido,or interest in Sex, is usually the first and most significantly obvious symptom exhibited as by Males suffering Depression. Other symptoms are present but may often be hidden.

If it is determined that he is suffering from Depression here's some ideas---
-Be patient.
-Listen, rather than speak.
-Forget Sex for now. That will come. This needs to be addressed first, so just embrace him, showing affection in other non-sexual ways for a while.
More than ever you should make make him feel loved, and he wants to know he has your unyielding support.
-Encourage him to share his feelings with you without pressuring him. Pressuring him before he is ready will only drive him further away from you.
-Education. Find out as much as you can about it to help you both gain a greater sense of understanding. -Research.Try the net, books, listening to the personal experiences of others Y!/A, Medical Professionals in the fieldetc Exhaust every resource and outlet you can find.
-Empathy.
-Love and support.

A Men's Depression Support Group has proved very effective for a lot of Men I've heard. Knowing they are not the only Man to experiecne it could make a huge difference. It can also be a great way for him to work through his feelings discreetly. It is a form of Group Therapy where he would talk amongst other Men who've been there too, and who speak to others he can really identify with.

You also need to consult a Medical Professional to discuss possible treatment options. Not doing so may present a far greater problem in the long-run.

If you do nothing else, PLEASE do this. It won't hurt, but it may help a great deal. Just go with an open mind.

Like I said ignore this if I am in fact wrong in my assumption. I just wanted to make sure you covered all possible causes, and Depression needs to be addressed & fast.

of any problems he is having, be it Depression or otherwise. Believe it or not, you may even find it strngthens your relationship with one another, and brings you closer together. You'll experience plenty of these moments in your Marriage...this is just one of them.

I sincerely hope I have helped you... Stick together, and I truly believe your realtionship may even be strengthened by the experience.
--Gracie

Answer 8

Don't blame yourself sweetie. A normal, healthy relationship makes love once a day, not less than six times a week.
Try wearing sexy dresses when his home, make him drool. Or maybe make a dinner recipe that has onions, it is an aphrodisiac, increases sexual appetite. If it won't work for him, tell him you'll cut his dick off one day and feed it to the dog!

Answer 9

Make him get a physical examination to make sure nothing is wrong with him and then get counseling. There is either something physically or emotionally wrong when someone that young gets married and does not want to have sex with his wife.
If you can't solve the problem it is better to get a divorce than to be tempted to cheat on him and end up in a divorce later anyhow.

Answer 10

Hm....perhaps this should've been talked about, BEFORE the marriage.

Anyways, you'll just have to find a neutral ground when it comes to that. Sex isn't everything, but it shouldn't be nonexistant in a ''newlywed'' marriage, either.

3-4 times a week isn't asking for much! As him WHY he doesn't feel up for making love to you.