My children were at their dad house for visitation and him and his new wife got into a physical fight?

Question

My children were at their dad house for visitation and him and his new wife got into a physical fight?
My daughter has never seen anything like that from me and my husband but she was defending her dad and saying he hit her step mom cause she wouldnt listen I am very worried the impression this is leaving with her my daughter is 9 my son is 11 what should I do? He was abusive to me and we have been divorced since 4/1/2000. He is very good to the kids but they argue alot when the kids come over this is the first physical fight they have had in front of the kids.How should I aproach it in a non confrontal way so he dont get defensive?

Answer 1

don't worry about him getting defensive. Tell the children that you were divorced because he was abusive to you and now he is abusive to the new wife as well, and that some people are like that if they can't control their temper, that they should learn by this what happens when you let anger take over and do not talk things out instead. You can also see if he will agree to visitation at your house instead of there and let the kids know they do not have to go to his house if they don't want to. They are old enough to make that decision and if he won't agree to that on his own the court can force him to because of the chance of domestic violence there. I don't know that I would suggest it unless it really got bad but they also have the option of calling 911 if the physical fighting gets too bad.

Answer 2

I don't know that there is a non-confrontational way to confront someone.

Tell him what the children saw. Tell him you don't want them to see it again. Tell him that you know it's not your business what goes on in his marriage, but it IS your business what the children are exposed to, and you do not want them to get the idea that physical fighting is okay.

If you can't tell your ex-husband all of that, you still need to sit down and have a talk with your kids. Explain to them that it is NOT okay for a husband and wife to get into a fight like that, and that "she wouldn't listen" is not a valid excuse. Your kids wouldn't like it if you punched them in the face because they didn't listen to you. Tell your children what it is you want them to do if they ever witness that kind of fight again (e.g. call the police, run to a neighbor's house, whatever you think is appropriate and safe). Make sure they understand that they must always tell you if they see anything like this.

If your ex continues to beat his wife in front of your kids, you may need to speak to a social worker or a family attorney about supervised visits.

Answer 3

That's a dangerous situation.
My father was physically abusive with my mother when I was young, and unfortunately I still remember, 25 years later. Your taking a risk leaving the kids in that environment, but then you have to go through the legal system to change things. Maybe request supervised visitations. That way things may not escalate again in front the kids.

Answer 4

You need to realize that there isn't a non-confrontational way to discuss this. You let this man know that if you find out he behaves this way again in front of the kids you will be filing to have his visitation supervised or stopped until he can grow up and be a man.

And you teach your kids to call 911 and get help if this happens again.

Answer 5

I'd tell him that the kids aren't coming over unless he has self control. go back to court and let the court know this is happening. your kids are not safe where a man beats women, they will be next esp when they get older. time to get a backbone!

Answer 6

If he is a threat to one persoon he can be a threat to anyone. Take him to court and win those kids back full custody!

Answer 7

Over the phone.