Is it my problem for not trusting my husband. We have been married for 4 years. Earlier he had an affair with?

Question

a girl and also friendship with three other girls. He says its friendship but it goes beyond their limits. He used to send them money and anything they want. BUT HE ALWAYS SAYS THAT HE LOVES ME MORE THAN THEM. Since he lost his mom he felt alone and maintained close relations with them. After our marriage it took me 1 year to completely get rid of their problem. I changed his phone number and our home and everything. I took his passwords and used to check his mails very often.This went for another year nothing happened so I started trusting him. But few months ago he found a girl who was one of his so called friends contact number somewhere and called her. Everytime when I ask him about these things he says I am sorry.I didnt mean to hurt you I wont repeat this..but he does it again. He stays more time on phone on computer he never likes to spend his time with me. I need to remind him that I am still alive and I need him..I am feeling insecured and lonely...what to do

Divorce is not at all an option for me. I didnt change his number for the first time. I forgave him for 1 year expaining how I feel if he talks to them. He didnt care my words. I did whatever I need to do to change him as a last option I was going thru his mails and changed his number. I know i wont take much time to create another mailid and talk to them. But i believe in god. God will never do that to me

Answer 1

It sounds like you still cannot trust him. Why do you put yourself through this? He had an affair and you choose to forgive him. Are you going to keep forgiving him for this. It does not matter if he says that he loves you more than them. He is still doing things behind your back. Can you live the rest of your life like this? I could not. I would not have forgiven the first time. That is your prerogative to do so but I would only forgive ONCE. He has continued with all of this so I would say that you cannot trust him. I think that you deserve better than this. You deserve a little happiness instead of all this stress. Good luck.

Answer 2

If you have even a shred of dignity or self-esteem left, then get out asap. You didn't mention children so if you don't have any, then don't be greedy during the divorce. You want to sever the ties quickly. If you have no money, call Dept of Soc Services. If they aren't helpful, join a church. They will help you. If you and your husband are members of the same church, then join a different one.

As far as divorced is concerned, why would you want to adhere to the tenets of a religion where your so-called husband can violate most of them but you have to adhere to all them?. Your marriage is toxic and any belief in a tenet that would tend to keep you in it is also toxic. Your husband is not going to change - you are - and not for the better. It will be impossible for you to achieve what you are here on this planet to achieve if you stay with him.

I didn't mean to imply join a different religion - just don't be a member of the same physical church your husband is in i.e join a different one.

Answer 3

They say that you should never tell a friend to leave her husband. Well... we're strangers so I'm going to tell you, frankly, that your relationship is not healthy.
In healthy relationships, you do not sort through your spouse's mail, email, etc. You do not change their numbers- you are not in control of their personal things like that. You should feel free to talk about things, but have your own privacy.
You may be able to salvage your relationship with therapy, but if he's not willing to spend less time with other random girls and more time with you, I say move on.
You need a man who loves you for exactly who you are. A man that can trust you, and whom you can trust in return.

Answer 4

Your hubby has issues and needs to be accountable to another man (older)
I suggest that you find a good church 4 square, assembly of God or Church of God (Cleveland, Tenn). He might find a mens group or fellowship that can help him with accountability. If you do not get help now, Your children will grow up without a Father in the home. This will be devastating to your children.
First and foremost he needs to admit that he is in need of help. Your marriage can turn around and be the best thing ever, but he needs to talk with someone that can help.

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Answer 5

I think you guys need a bit of counseling to figure out what you should do from here. It sounds like you are a little bit controlling which may push him to contact other females but at the same time, I would not trust him either, so try the family counseling and see what happens.

Answer 6

Divorce him.

He is a serial cheater and will always be.

He does it to you now and will do it to the next Mrs down the road.

He has already proven he has no intention of keeping his promises and he continues to prove he is more important than you (in his mind).

This is NOT your fault, it is HIS problem.

Life is too short to be emotionally kicked around by those that supposedly LOVE you.

Answer 7

Divorce him.

He is a serial cheater and will always be.

He does it to you now and will do it to the next Mrs down the road.

He has already proven he has no intention of keeping his promises and he continues to prove he is more important than you (in his mind).

This is NOT your fault, it is HIS problem.

Life is too short to be emotionally kicked around by those that supposedly LOVE you.

Answer 8

those are some serious and deep issues that are not going to be resolved simply. honestly, i think he needs (actually the both of you TOGETHER) some counseling. the fact that he lost his mom seems to have uprooted fidelity problems; and if you love him that much i'm sure you going to want to stay by his side, but in order to do that the issue needs to be thoroughly and professionally addressed. i would seriously suggest contacting a counselor and telling them EVERYTHING that has and is going on.

Answer 9

The fact that he goes out of his way to FIND these "friends", even though he knows it makes you hurt and pissed, shows that he's an inconsiderate jerk. He's definitely giving you a lot of b.s. When he says he'll stop talking to them, then starts again, that seems like he's really addicted to the emotional relationship. I would make him choose who's more valuable, a "friend" or his WIFE.

Answer 10

Sounds like he's given plenty o' reason for you to not trust him.

I would have ditched him after the affair. The friendship with these girls can't be leading any place good.