How do you resolve the conflict between wanting to be loved and being terrified of it?

Question

Because I am....and I'm sick of it.
I push people away when they get close to me. Its unconscious compulsion. I dont even realize I'm doing it until its too late.

Answer 1

# 1.Everybody wants to love and be loved. It's beautiful .You want to love and be loved too.. Aknowledge that a lot.
Make a personal mantra for yourself expressing it.
If being on the recieving end is most difficult for now, start on the easier, giving side: do random acts of kindness.be nice to children, strangers, animals, or:
answer questions on Yahoo in a loving way.If being with men is difficult, start with loving women more. Postpone 'till later what is difficult for now.
#2.Important distinction: You are not terrified of love, you are terrified of non-love:
being hurt and rejected and laughed at and critized at the very moment of opening up trustingly.
I think you have experienced situations like that in your upbringing. Maybe with parents, siblings, teachers.
You can work on this issue on a self-help basis: explore situations in which you were hurt, and see them with different eyes, from the perspective of a stronger, more mature person. It's easier now than as a vulnerable child. Allow yourself to be angry with those older people, who should have treated you better.
# 3.Concentrate on your strengths:
Know that you are more capable now to handle hurt than you were as a child. Accept it as a fact that there are hurtful people around you:They are hurting inside like yourself, and don't know a better way. Put emphasis on the fact that your inner resources are big, and that you can choose the best envirronnement for yourself now. (You couldn't do that as a child.)
# 4. Expect something else: as soon as you have a loving person in your life: your hidden fears of being hurt, of being not lovable, of being unworthy and "ugly" will be intensified. These are the old outdated feelings stored in your system. Notice them, don't let them guide your choices. The more loving the person is, the more intense these feelings may become. Or you find yourself to be very amazed how and why a nice, worthwile person can appreciate you. Sweat them out. After a while you will be able to let love in without fear.
Of course -when affordable and available- it may be easier to work on these issues with a therapist, who is able to help you make the distinction between real dangers and hidden distress feelings. But you can do a lot yourself too, e.g. by reading. (See suggestions in the source list.)