I have an ex bf who lives 2 hours away. He left me for someone else who was decietful to say the least. The thing is it happened while I was extremely ill, I was in the hospital. Not only that but he put me through alot mentally and I was there for him and helped alot. I was very hurt and felt very betrayed when this all happened and it has taken over a year to get over. He would not talk to me and did not want to see me. Well, he found out the hard way that the girl he was seeing is not what he thought she was. Now, I want to see him in person and talk to him. I want the closure he never had the decency to give me. At one point he told me he was sorry over the phone and said it was all uncalled for, but then he stopped contact with me altogether. I am strong enough to see him, tell him in person what I need to say and walk away. Should I go see him unexpectedly? He will not respond to my calls. Its been a few months since he last heard from me. This is not about him
2007-10-28 15:45:53 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
anymore...its about me and all i went through. He left me ill in the hosptial and all I was was there for him. I mean my God....I am a human being with feelings, and I dont think I deserved all this. Should I go???
Thank you
2007-10-28 15:47:22 · update #1
no. not seing him or returning his calls will let him KNOW that you moved on. that he dosnt affect you anymore. if you go he will think every time he calls you you will come running, regardless of what your words say. ACTIONS speak louder.
2007-10-28 15:52:09 · answer #1 · answered by womanofghostbear 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you would be wasting your time going to see him now, and you have been wasting your time this past year agonizing over him. He didn't even care enough about you to be a friend when you were ill, left you for some lowlife. He doesn't deserve having anything, even a confrontation, with you. He obviously was finished with the relationship over a year ago, didn't even feel any need to connect via phone. It's time you moved on too, you've spent too much time and energy fuming about this guy. Trying to confront him now will just confirm in his mind that you still "have a thing" for him. Telling him what you think of him and what he did to you isn't going to make it right. And he may just yell stuff you don't want to hear back at you making you even more furious. It's over. We don't always get to have the last word in this life. Forget him and move on, you still have a whole life in front of you.
2007-10-28 23:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by Inundated in SF 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seeing him may simply open up old wounds again. From what you've written he's made it very clear he doesn't want any contact with you whatsoever. That's his choice and his form of closure, he said sorry over the phone. For some people that's as good as it gets.
My advice, let it drop for your own sake, take what happened as a life lesson and seek professional help if needed. Move on with your life and get the fishing rod out and see what's out there in the ocean of men.
2007-10-28 23:00:18 · answer #3 · answered by Ian W 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You want the closure on your terms. If you don't care how he responds, that's one thing. But if you're looking for him to be remorseful, guilty and beg your forgiveness, you may want to reconsider. It sounds to me like he's done. He may not want to talk to you. You say that he stopped contact with you all together; what was it that you were expecting after he apologized to you?
What he did to you was horrible and heartless, but you can't change what happened and you can't change him. Your anger is eating you alive; he's gone on with his life and the situation is over for him. You are still angry and confronting him may not be as satisfying as you think. Honestly? I'd leave him alone. I'd work on relieving myself of the anger and be grateful that he's no longer in my life. He may have eventually left regardless of if it were over someone else because of the type of person he is and how he felt about your relationship. He handled it poorly, but the outcome might have been the same.
If you feel you need to see him, fine. But don't be angrier and more disappointed if you don't get the response from him you expect. Also, you have not guaranty that he'll make himself available to listen to you. Are you prepared for that?
2007-10-28 22:58:00 · answer #4 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Will there really be anything positive from rubbing his nose in it?
If you go through all of this will it really make you feel better?
My guess is no. What happen, happen and no amount of talking is going to change that.
Stop letting him rent space in your head. Find a way to move on with your life and realize there is plenty of good things out there waiting for you.
If you keep dwelling on past negatives, you will leave no room in your soul for happiness.
2007-10-29 00:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by Hubby . 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you should not go. He treated you terrible and he said he was sorry. You must move on...don't toy with this guy, he can't be trusted. This happened to a friend and she decided to take control of her life to fill in the time. Back to school, dance lessons, new language, she did it all and is happier than ever. If you really need to say something to him - use e-mail or write a letter. Be positive , tell him you've moved on...
2007-10-28 22:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there!When the lady I was dating found out because of my back injury I wouldn't be able to work anymore she told me she didn't need me anymore and while I was in the hospital she moved her things and most of mine in with a new guy 2 states away so when I got out of the hospital I was homeless.Let it go.You be the the better person.He will try to contact you again someday,they always do and then you will have your say.Good luck and I'm sorry this happened to you.
2007-10-28 22:56:21 · answer #7 · answered by notagain49 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
LET IT GO ! it is about him and your need to find a reason to see him and have any kind of contact with him even though he has shown you he wants nothing to do with you, closure is about closing a door not trying to force your way back in, please leave him alone, he doesn't care about anything you have to say,look what he did to you in the past, you need to go talk to someone and not him, what do you expect from him? a sorry for not loving you ? we have the choice to be with who we want to be and not to be stalked by those we left behind, please don't go if you do then you have to accept you have issues that you need help resolving, and I know you hurt when that happened to you but chasing him will get you nothing but more hurt,he doesn't owe you anything not his time his words nothing let him live his life and you live yours, good luck
2007-10-28 22:57:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Closure is one thing.From where I stand ,It appears to me that You have went through enough.I would recommend that You do not waste another moment on this guy.Move on find another guy whom treats with respect that you deserve.I am glad that you are strong and hope you find a good person worthy of you.Watch out for snakes.
2007-10-28 22:56:33 · answer #9 · answered by the rocket 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, you don't need to see him. This so called "closure" you think you need is B.S.! You have NOT been able to get over him and you think that seeing him will get him to have some feelings for you. Get this straight once and for all----he doesn't want to see you. MOVE ON!
2007-10-28 23:58:56 · answer #10 · answered by Sondra 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Seeing him is not going to give you closure. I understand that you're hurt, angry, confused... pick a feeling. To me, it sounds more like you're hoping to get back together with him now that he's available. Frankly, I'd be happy that he's getting a taste of his own medicine; being left like he left you!
2007-10-28 23:21:11 · answer #11 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋