Help with my son's Step-mother?

Question

I have always maintained good a working relationship with my Ex-husband. We both agreed that everything we did we would put the children's best interests first.

I have never undermined the children's Step-mother and most often agree with her parenting methods and tell my children so.

I have never been anything other than friendly and civil towards her, however she does not extend me the same courtesy. She sometimes sends nasty emails (one received this morning), trying to make me feel guilty about not being my sons full-time mother.

For more than 10 years now I have maintained the ability not to respond to her baiting me, but I am getting tired of this.

She has as many if not more problems than I and I could start throwing them in her face.

My sons are now 16 & 18 and very self-sufficient...I no longer feel like I need to keep up this facade for their benefit (they have their own opinions about, based upon their own experience of her.

What should I do?

Thank you everyone for your support. I just needed reminding not to let her get to me. At least one of us can act like a lady...

Answer 1

I would continue to ignore your don't stoop down to her level because girlfriend your better than that.. Your sons are older now and they are at the age where they understand and they will love you no matter what. She is just jealous because your a better mom than she is:)

Answer 2

Man, you're my new idol! I've just recently learned not to play the game with my ex's wife and have never been happier. She's done everything including getting orders of harassment placed against me even though the judges have always quashed them. I've always been one to take her bait and now realize it's not worth it. I've also found out that nothing irratates her more than being ignored. Your ex's wife is obviously unhappy in her situation and she's trying to drag you down with her. You've put on a good show for this long, don't disappoint your sons or yourself by falling prey to her now. Change your email address and don't tell her. She doesn't really have any reason to be contacting you about your kids anyway.

Answer 3

you are now and have always been in the right. I think the womans problem is she feels like she takes second place, you must have heard the saying, "what goes around, comes around", it may very well be, that her's has been coming around for a long time, because of her nastey baiting attitude. So leave her to her own punishments. She seems to have something against you, she may feel that you and your ex get along better, you never know what's been said in anger or otherwise, her feeling or beliefs don't have to be fact, but she obviously has jealousy issues for some reason. She may want your company......you know what they say about MISERY, don't give it to her, she's already eating herself up, nothing you could do would be worse.

Answer 4

Since your children are pretty much grown up, I'd leave it to them to decide what they'd like to happen. Inform them of the messages your getting from their step-mother, and explain to them what this woman is doing, without sounding like you are totally wicked and against her.

Maybe if you still have a strong enough bond (friendly bond) with your ex-husband, you could bring the issue up with him. Of course, while doing all of this you need to keep your concerns pointed towards your children's needs, not your own anger towards this woman's lack of manners.

And how does she expect you to be a full-time mother, when I'm sure court laws state your children should be spending time with their father? You are doing the best parenting job you know how, she really has no right to undermine your parenting skills when you are their biological mother, and she has no real blood relation to them.

Try not to throw her miseries back in her face, I know it seems like it would be a great revenge. But it would be childish and you would be allowing yourself to stoop to this woman's level. Anyway, try to sort out things before you do anything drastic.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Congratulations on having a good relationship with your ex where your children are concerned. His wife seems to be a bit immature and the best thing you can do is continue to ignore her. The kids will soon be out on their own and hopefully that will settle her problem where you are concerned. You can't change her but you don't have to join her in being rude and less than a lady.

Answer 6

Bounce the message back to her, and if she sends anymore keep bouncing them. Or send it to your ex and ask him why this is happening. Or you could confront her.
Sounds like there is a bit of jealousy here. Some people just think that they are "it" can say and do as they please, they are; best mother's, the best employee's, the best friend, the best lover, you name it. She has issues that is obvious, just remember what ever your reaction, she will have a response. It is very hard to deal with nasty. I myself, can tolerate a lot of things, except nasty. Your children are of age to understand, but not put in the middle, you may be surprised at their support and understanding of your feelings. One more thing, Before you react, just remember, this is her psychotic episode and you don't even have to acknowledge getting any email. :-)

Answer 7

Just remember your beliefs and morals! Stand by them and be the bigger person. If you have to put a block on her email address as spam maybe so that way the emails are not coming into your in box.

As a step-mother my self I have had similar issues with my husband ex (they were never married) I have always tried to maintain and be pleasant to her even when She was not to me. I have always included her in everything that we do as a family. And have fought very had for my step-daughter and my son (they are 1/2 brother/sister) to have a relationship. Despite her coming along and wracking everything.

Just keep you head up and be the better person. The kids are grown now so maybe distancing yourself from the stepmother a little at a time might slow down her war path

Answer 8

I commend you on maintaining your cool. Clearly the new wife is threatened by you. Keep in mind her lashing out is out of pain. While it does not excuse the behavior, perhaps it will help you deal with it better. I would suggest you continue to maintain the class and composure you have, but I would block her e-mail. If you don't know what's coming in, you won't be tempted to respond negatively.

Answer 9

block her emails so she can't send them to you,change your phone number,but only give it to your son's,speak to your ex husband about her,surely there's something he can say/do in respect for you? whatever you do,don't go to the same level as her,obviously she has some problems with you and trying to run you down she is only trying to make herself feel better,you're better than this and she knows it,so keep up your good work!!

Answer 10

First, block her email. Second tell your ex husband that you only discuss "your business" when involves your children with him, not his new wife. She has no business even talking to you.

I wouldn't let this woman stressing me out. Let her know how you feel and tell her to get lost. As long as your children are happy with your parenting, you don't need this woman for her approval. I would ignore her from now on. Remember, she's nothing but a stranger. She's not related to you or your kids.

Step mothers are evil. I don't have one but my mom did. She was so evil to the point that my grandfather took my mom away and when my mom got married, he took off too.