We have 2 boys (14,6) he would never stick with one job,car,women. hHe has cheated many times and we would get back together. After 14 yrs i said no more! My boys should not have this idea this is what marriageis all about. the new gf is o n a schedule every day!! wake up at this time ,brush teeth ,fix hair,go to work,come home eat ,get ready for bed,no drinking no smoking and you cannot deviate from this routine. My reply was "you do not need anotrher mother" he said she is leading him down the right path! What!
i think she would like to change him. I says you love someone through thick and thin. NO ONE can change another person, and i believe you love someone for thier assets and faults. should i have said that?
2007-10-28 14:51:53 · 16 answers · asked by sandi k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like your ex was looking for someone to help him stay organized and she is the type to organize everything including him.
I'm not saying that it will work or that it won't but that he sounds excited about the opportunity to be lead down the right path.
If he is a cheat though and likes to drink and smoke I think that he is just stringing you both along. He appears to have wanted to see you get a reaction (jealousy) and he wants to make good impressions with her so she won't throw him out with the dirty bathwater.
You know him better than me though. Some faults are better not dealt with when they effect you and your kids.
2007-10-28 15:01:40 · answer #1 · answered by Twilight 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but it sounds like ur a jealous ex wife, why? because look what you wrote.. "he has cheated many times and we would get back together. After 14yrs i said no more!" , then a couple lines later u said " I think she would like to change him. I say u love someone through thick and thin." .. U said u love someone through thick and thin yet after 14 years of dealing with infidelity u say YOU threw in the towel. (which i understand) but you contridict your own self by saying u stay together through thick and thin. Yet you didnt. I think if she is good for him, if she does bring out the best in him, why wouldnt u want him to be happy and show your sons a healthy relationship. It seems as though your worried that she will be able to do what you couldnt. (although u were not at fault by any means, its just some people can and some cant) , If she can get him to grow up an act like a man, and have a healthy relationship then why wouldnt u want that for your kids? instead of constantly having a dad that was immature, neglectful, irrepsonsible, etc? I mean at 14 and 6 they still need really good male role models in their life, especially a good role model from their father.. So if she can whip him into shape why wouldnt u want that.. the past is in the past.. what happened happened, but dont let your own emotional turmoil of the fact that for what ever reason maybe he just wasnt ready to grow up, but maybe he is now.. keep him from doing so.. and btw.. the "you do not need another mother" comment.. your right he doesnt, so why is he asking you advice like a child would their mother about rating the new gf?????? u need to start practicing what your preach..
2007-10-28 16:59:59 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably shouldn't be asking you for advice. It seems as if his being happy in this new relationship and being -for a change- an "obedient" husband, has made you feel a bit jealous. At least he's not drinking or smoking, meaning he's leading a much healthier life, which is setting a good example for your boys. Be happy that the father of your children is being "good" now and that he's finally found someone who won't tolerate the irresponsible behavior he had been having for the 14 years that he was with you.
2007-10-28 15:19:01 · answer #3 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the girl runs a tide ship, this loser might just need this? Aren't you lucky you got ride of this loser?
My ex left me 4 weeks ago to go back to his girlfriend after he came back twice. We have been together for 7 years. I hear him telling she can't flush the toilett after using it!! Well she is 27 he is 42 do i need to say more?
He is happy with his trailer trash.
I guess your ex got what he deserved. Yes you said the right thing, he will cheat on her like he did on you, people don't change pattern. I would have told him a lot of other things but you are a nicer person than I.
I am happy you over this meat head and moved on with your life, I wish i could do the same.
/that is good he having problems, he should have tried to be there for you the grass ain't greener on the other side, there ain't any.
/stay sweet.
2007-10-28 15:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by maria s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he looking for an approval? If he loves her because the way she is then so be it. Let just say you don't like this girl friend, the next one and the next one, what would he do? Just turn the table around, what if he doesn't like any one of your boyfriends, would you stop dating that person because he's not approved.
I think you guys should stay out each other business and move on with your life. That's why you're divorced in the first place. The only connection you should have is your two boys with your ex. The rest of it is his business. I wouldn't get involved.
2007-10-28 15:01:06 · answer #5 · answered by Phoenix 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think you should tell him to do what hes gotta do, who cares if thats the right path or not as long as its not affecting the boys, and he's telling you that he thinks its the right path for him..hmm then why even ask, looks to me like this guy is having a hard time moving on and he's very indecisive. Dont fall into this trap break the triangle and just get involved when it only involves the children.
2007-10-28 15:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am truly not trying to see mean here but it seems as though you are jealous.
If he is saying that she it leading him down the right path then be happy for him...be happy that he has a women that can keep him "in line".
Be happy for your children that their father is with some one who cares enough to tell him not to drink and smoke..
Things could be a heck of a lot worse..
2007-10-28 15:08:52 · answer #7 · answered by Heather 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you played the game of love all wrong. Nope, you shouldn't love someone for all their faults, that's a mistaken thinking. Men actually DUN like that! They are actually searching for someone who can change them, control them, make them a better person. They dun just need your unconditional love. They also need structure. That's why he cheated on you, because he simply could get away with it! I think you are still in love with your ex-husband from the way you still try to dissuade him from his gf. I say, get over him and dun play the game wrong again.
2007-10-28 15:17:18 · answer #8 · answered by floozy_niki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends how ex he is, is it a number of years now? If its recent then don't talk to him about it. If its been a while and there's no longer any feelings between you two, then of course he's going to turn to you for advice, you were his wife and he probably trusts your opinion on many things. But if you think he still has feelings for you, don't allow yourself to be roped in. He could trying a new tactic to get your guard down...
2007-10-28 15:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I disagree with you. I think he needs another mother! I mean, if he wants to play house outside the marriage, wants his ex to assist him in decisions of relationships, I think he needs someone making his decisions for him. Shoot girl, he's still an adolescent!
2007-10-28 15:00:45 · answer #10 · answered by delux_version 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋