poem helpp!?

Question

okay. so we have to make implied metaphor poems for english
you know .. how two things are being compared but you dont really say wat they are?

okay.. well im comparing snow with a blanket.

this is what i have so far

falling in the winter
hiding the ground
gently covering you
without making a sound
coating you with heat
during this cold season
and guarding you from defeat


it has to be fifteen lines

help!?

Answer 1

I don't really think you need help because you're doing just fine so far.

But I might suggest that you don't have to pick certain words you might not want to use to make a poem rhyme. Poetry doesn't always have to rhyme to be good poetry. Just focus on what you want to say and stay true to those thoughts.

Answer 2

I'm with Doc Watson here. What you have is good, but just keep at it.

The blanket of snow is not likely to be "heat" in the conventional sense. What if your blanket was "shivering heat" or "cold heat" or even "unconventional heat"?

Next - what else does a blanket do besides "heat" and "hide"? Might it cushion, muffle, decorate? Work those images into your extended metaphor, as well.

Do you want to push the blanket away in the morning to be off to face the day? How will you do that with snow?

I like the images you've started...a very gentle tone in the first lines...I'm not so sure about the "defeat." What defeat does a blanket guard us against? Don't fight too hard to make it "work" as rhyme. In poetry, "messy" is just fine!


Let us know how it turns out.

Answer 3

coming down in winter,
covering the ground.
it slowly falls upon you,
without making any sound.
it chills you when its landing,
you catch it in your mouth.
its almost like a blanket,
that sticks to what it lands on.
The children of the village,
all like to come to play.
making many angels,
upon the thickened sheet.
Some even dare to skate,
on the icy surface thats formed.
but i just stand here listening,
as the snow just keeps drifting.