Want To Commit On This Poem Before I Toss It In The Trash?

Question

(It’s just something I had to write to get out of my system. The problem is that I, too, am a hypocrite of sorts and am doing what these people shouldn’t be doing by writing this. My bad!)

On Judgement Day

when the masses from each land kneeled to pray
they were puzzled when most were turned away.
In anger they asked their God the reasons why?
“Let me count the ways,” was their God’s reply

on Judgement Day.

“You’ve twisted My words to suit your own needs,
to let you wage wars and embrace your greed.
To live in more comfort you rape the land,
while the demise of your Earth is at hand.

You support leaders who claim they believe ---
they steal from the poor and you they deceive.
You build great temples you claim in My name
as your neighbors starve and you pass the blame.

What part of ‘Judge not’ don’t you understand,
as you smugly condemn your fellow man?
Turning your back on sisters and brothers ---
you think your sins are lessor than others?

(Cont.)

(Cont.)

Rejecting My children with other views,
you claim that I love you and only you.
While hypocrisy seems to become you
can’t you see I’ve got better things to do

on Judgement Day?

So don’t call Me.
I’ll just have My people call your people
next Judgement Day.”

Dragonfly, although it may be a poor effort, each line is still exactly metered, with matching poetic feet.

(What is wrong with it, the paradox here, is that I am doing what I accuse these people of doing and I'm far from being a God. It's sort of like guilt by creation.)

Artflo, there have been wars for thousands of years. Whatever this poem is about is not Iran. We have been looking for excuses to wage war in God's name forever.

I think I solved the problem by including myself as one of the masses and changing the tense of the first verse:changing the words 'they' to 'we' and 'their' to 'our.'

It is almost impossible to select a 'best' answer from so many wonderful replies. It's too bad Yahoo does not allow for more than one best answer. So please don't be offended if your sincere reply wasn't picked.

Answer 1

Doc, you came from your HEART, where flows the truth. I understand your frustration in dealing with the smug and self-righteous. And as you point out in the "confession" booth of paradox (where I will join you--mea culpa), I, too, very often judge those who so easily judge me and others. My hope is to close down the "judging" gene in me and open my compassionate heart to include all created beings, regardless of illusionary "differences." I send you a hug and envision ALL others held in our embrace. I liked your poem (am an amateur poet myself) and encourage you to continue expressing (pressing out the bad and good wine from within). Blessings to thee and to all. I am Sirius


P.S. I never read others comments until I've made my own (don't want to be influenced). Just read Neophyte's answer & couldn't agree more. He's a peach. YES!!! Do NOT throw out this poem. Add it to your portfolio and look back one day to measure your own growth and the growing "light" in the world. Still Sirius

P.P.S I just went back to vote your question as "interesting" and a star was taken away. So sorry. Guess I don't know how it works. Less and less Sirius

P.P.P.S. Somehow I was able to reinstate that star. I'm new at all of this. Please be patient. More and more Sirius

Answer 2

I like that you saw the guilt by creation, as you put it. I was thinking something along those lines as I read it, but it was more like, "Oh, look, someone else preaching."
It is a very difficult subject. Everyone but martyrs is complicit in some way. I think it would be interesting if you took more of the responsibility, or looked at small guilty actions, instead of lots and lots of big-picture stuff. Maybe about the ways good people do choose evil, to get along, because everything else is much harder, because it's impossible to live a blameless life. . . Human frailty and all that. Less fussing, more of a study.
Just my thoughts. Keep working on it until you're satisfied.

Answer 3

Starts off Okay, but I feel you Lose Ideas Towards the End and Write Anything:
Furthermore, I Don't Like Poems Which Speak For God. He Will Speak And Judge From the Book Of Life -- The Bible.
You Have What it Takes To Write Poetry, Though!

Answer 4

O.K. Doc if you are going to trash this then I want it.

Your poem sums up my feelings about people being judgemental, intolerant towards one another and unloving.
This was not Gods word nor his intention.

I find that too many people use their version of God for their own bidding, for things that are selfish, shallow and hate full.

Which ever name you know him by he would not agree to the often misused, misguided and commonly crafted invention with intent to use him for their own personal needs.
Humanity has used him for centuries under these very false guises and pretences as which you so accurately describe in your poem.

If you are able to touch one person then you have touched a piece of humanity. Said by ME.

So is your poem still "Trash" to you??
Your poetry has touched me through your gift and ability to use words and wording as I feel them but can not convey.

Answer 5

Hi Doc, I think it flows perfectly. I don't think you should let your perceived guilt make you trash it, it's as good as anything else I have seen of your writing. I know it appears judgmental to you, but I have a little different perspective (don't I always**). It is impossible to not see the errors of others, that is not judgment, neither is using creativity to make a social commentary. The judgment is not in being aware of our brothers errors of thought, but rather in placing judgment about their reality or ultimate worth based on their errors & misconceptions. I think the poem , if it wakes just one, has served it's purpose. Thanks
(((HUG)))

Answer 6

I was hoping not to tell you to trash it - but I hope you do...

since you seem to be talking about Iraq - the president relies on trained intelligence analysts to inform him. Those people are trying to understand what the big picture is with very little information, so you just have to trust the people to do their jobs. You and I dont' have access to this information and we dont' really know what's happening. You can't really draw any conclusions. I don't like the war either, but then I don't know everything going on, and neither do you. it's a hard place to be. I certainly understand the liberal perspective, and that's my perspective also, but I understand there's more involved than any of us will know about.

I don't think it's about oil. I think it's about strategic location. but it's a scary thing to think they could have attacked the wrong country..
I think that's a possibility.

enjoy

Answer 7

Dont you dare throw that out! Its really good!!! I love it!!! Never throw out for thoughts. Even if you feel hipocriticly about it, it was still your thoughts at one point, and once you throw it out you will never get it back!
DONT THROW IT OUT!
Jeez, if you do, i'll write it down and steal it as my own!!! Just kidding, I would never do that.
I write poetry too, so i know how important it is.
No one else has the thoughts that you do, so no one else can ever write what you wrote.

Answer 8

Though I can realize the angst of you against Christian fanatics,I like it.Believe it or not,youve grabbed the essence of man,and his thought. I'm sure that there is a part of the soul in people that this reflects very well.Now you might understand why lightning hasnt struck you(or me)Because of unconditional love.

Answer 9

Wow, I thought this was simply amazin' hon, a valiant effort and one that's truly passed. Such a d33p topic, one dares to confront although my views on G*d are very weak at the present, you leave me to ponder alone *^_^*

Keep up this wonderful work my friend, you pose a grand talent *^_^*

All the Very Best, Shad @)~>~

Answer 10

I like it and I don't say that easily.

You could put pictures with it and make it into a little movie/powerpoint.

It would look great with some music and background.