Does anyone think my 4 year old daughter should have visitation with her dad?

Question

Her dad has a huge history of substance abuse which used to include week long binges on the white stuff before I met him. He currsntly drinks way too much atleast 12 to 18 Bud Ice's per evening, he says he drinks because he is miserable with me, and when i am not around he says he does not drink, I dont believe him though. He decided to cheat on me and left recently he wants to pick up our little girl and have visitation with her over nights now. i do not trust that he is capable of taking care of her. Any advice?

Answer 1

If he's not sober, no.
A child does need a father figure in their life but if he is not clean then she should not be around him, at least not unsupervised.

Answer 2

Based on the other responses that you have received .... I
certainly hope that you "GET" that you SHOULD NOT ALLOW YOUR 4-Year Old ... to be alone with her Dad unless
it is under a court-supervised visitation arrangement.

With that being said ... I am "just" wondering .... Why would
you enter into a sexual relationship with a guy that you KNEW
had a history of substance abuse???

Drug and Alcohol Abuse are very serious. These addictions
are difficult to overcome. You need to learn MORE about
addicts. (I am glad that you AT LEAST understand that he
is lying to you ... about NOT drinking when you aren't around)

People that drink and abuse drugs CAN NOT be trusted with
the welfare of a child .... Especially one as young as YOURS!

Your child's safety and well-being should be your first priority!

Some have said here .... that Children Need Both Parents.

Well .... that is true ..... But that is MOST beneficial (to the child) if BOTH parents are responsible, loving, and caring. And the time for YOU to have thought about that ....SHOULD have been BEFORE you had a baby with a known drug user. So unfortunately .... your child will not get "fathering" from her Dad; maybe the loving and caring "male figure" in your child's life will have to be an uncle or a grandpa.

I don't mean to "dog you out" .... I just want you to learn that
your choices and actions have consequences ... And now,
an innocent child (YOUR 4 year-old) ... has to deal with
those consequences ..... Yes she "should" have a loving
responsible Dad .... But (sadly) that is NOT the case. Don't
jeopardize your child's safety by having her be alone with
her Dad!

Answer 3

For every action there is a reaction. You say he decided to cheat on you recentlly and left, he has a huge drug/ alcohol dependency problem- you have been with him. You have been with him with your daughter... Did he use in front of her, ever mistreat her? Look at the facts. My husbands ex made it quite difficult for him... she made a lot of alegations, the place he had supervised visits at is the same place sex offenders, and child predators go to see their kids. You need to ask yourself if you can work visitation out some way with him, or if you think it will be better or safer for you to have your daughter put in another uncomfortable situation. She will look back and have the memories of.... what... You decide what is best for you and your child.

Answer 4

As a single dad of two boys, I say, if what you're saying is true, he Needs visitation, but only with supervision. If his substance abuse is documented, then you have no trouble having this done through the courts. If not documented, and he is not your husband, then make sure he is not alone with your daughter

Answer 5

You need to have supervised visits only possibly at your house with you there. He doesn't sound like someone I would trust with her and he may even be trying to get her overnight just to impress his newest girl friend. It is good if a child has both parents in their lives but not when one of them is a poor example of how life should be.

Answer 6

first of all thank you for being a caring mother- you are a minority in 2007. I don't know much about him, but I think you are right in being concerned about this. Why is he miserable if you are not with him?? sounds like somebody's looking for excuses. Be civil with him, but tell him his drinking is concerning you and you don't feel comfortable with it around your kids because she,too, deserves better...remember, your #1 job as a mother is your kids' protection and whatever you do to secure that is right. hope all goes well!!

Answer 7

Never, EVER, allow your child to be put in a dangerous situation. Ask the court to allow supervised visitation, until he has proven himself to be responsible, and reliable. Ask for random drug testing too. He needs to earn his visitation privileges. If you suspect he is into drugs, and too much drinking, and you allow your child to go into this situation, anything that happens, is just as much you fault as it is his. Protect the child first and foremost.

Answer 8

I don't think I would leave a four years old with a man, who has a drug and drink abuse. But I would lay down rules with him. If the child mention daddy been drinking for acting funny etc. Report him.

Answer 9

Children deserve to have both parents in their life.

However you need to do whats right to protect your daughter.

I suggest a 'court order'.........for supervised visitation.
If you do not have orders, the he has every right to come and visit, or take her whenever he wants to as he is her father.

Answer 10

you have every reason to be concerned about his ability to care for your child as well as her safety. what if he passes out during one of his binges, or worse what if your daughter gets a hold of his drugs &/or beers?

no, he'd have to visit with her in my presence until i am satisfied that he can absolutely take care of my child, even then that's with reservation. you have to protect her because until he cleans himself up, he isn't father material. he's nothing but a donor.