How to let go of the anger that I have due to a separation?

Question

I am recently separated, when I see my wife I get really upset. I don't want too I want to be excited, but I get mad and sad about our family being broken up, can anyone help me work through this?

Answer 1

your upset because u feel out of control, and unhappy due to the separation. u need to make some changes in yourself if u expect to get back with her. show her a different side of u. u need to seek some therapy so u can deal with your hurt. your hurt and hurting people tend to hurt others.

Answer 2

Thing is you still love her . There really isn't any way for you to stop getting mad. The best thing i can say is give it time and i know that's not much help at all but that all you can do . Just try to hold your cool . I went through what your going through twice and felt like you do . I just couldn't and still cant figure it out how people can be so heart less but it happens to the best of us .

I'm going to tell you the truth . The first time i hung on and hung on hoping that every thing would straiten out for over a year i did nothing but hurt . The second time i started out hurting even more then the first thinking it was all me . That lasted for about a month of moping and thinking of her . then i thought well i did this once why am i torturing my self so . Don't think I'm a creep or anything but i had to stop those feelings one way or another so i got me a little money together hit the bar found me two well lets just say therapist woman went to the motel for two days of complete ecstasy .

After that things got allot better for me . I'm not telling you to do that just telling you what was good for me may be good for another.

Answer 3

It takes time to get over or through a separation. Do you have hopes of a reconcilliation?

You have lost what was suppose to be the love of your life, maybe even a family. It is normal to take this very hard and for a very long time. Each time we see them while we are separated we can't help but wonder what can I do to make it right, to make them want me to come back. It is very sad and hurtful when you can't just fix things.

I can only tell you that she probably feels the same way. If you don't get back together and you divorce then the pain will lessen with time but will probably never completely go away.

Good Luck

Answer 4

I think you should talk to your wife. Explain to her that you are trying to maintain some composure when you see her and the kids, but you are unhappy because your family is being broken up. Ask her if she is interested and willing to participate in marriage counseling sessions. Sometimes, we go through stuff that is unexplainably difficult love is number one on this list. Once you have it don't let it go. I believe that marriage is a one time thing... if ya'll both give it your all you can be together, and if you give it your all and for some reason it just doesn't work you will actually remain loving friends just because ya'll both put effort into it. Good luck... Pray about it.

Answer 5

What your feeling is normal and happens way too often. That doesnt help you much but with every passing day the pain will ease. Whay you need to do is concentrate on what the problem is that caused the seperation and work on crrecting it before the seperation becomes a divorce and then itll really hurt. Good luck

Answer 6

Well, I know how you feel. I sometimes still get angry when I think about my ex-hb breaking up our marriage with his sexual addictions and other things, but really, what good does it do?

Anger only gives control to the one to whom the anger is directed. Really true. When you spend so much time on anger, that person is in essence controlling how you feel. Do you want to give her that much control over you or do you want to be happy and free of anger to feel love and happiness again?

I am not saying those feelings don't pop up, because they do. I still get a little snippy with him, I am human. But I don't let it control me...heck no!! He controlled me for 15 years, and now I have a chance to be happy, and I am not going to give that up to be angry at a situation I can't change anyway.

Spend time on things you can control, like how much time you spend with your kids, how much money you make, your weight, etc... and give up what you can't control.

I know it is easier said than done, but trust me, the longer you carry around the anger the harder it will be to be happy.

I used to dwell on the fact that he chose to be a jerk and destroy our home, or that he isn't paying child support, or that he can't keep a decent job for more than 3 months, but then I realized that I was having wt. issues, my house was a mess, and I was always yelling at my kids. I changed the way I felt about him, and my whole outlook on life changed as well.

I recently joined a gym with the kids, now I have a happy home. I still lose my temper, but I don't yell at them all the time and they aren't as stressed either.

Answer 7

Time will heal. You should go to therapy, I did and it helped. I was angry at my ex husband for over 8 years and was mad at every man that crossed my path. I realized one day that friends and family are there for a short time, sometimes a long time, maybe forever, but the time we were together is the time we were suppose to be together and not one day longer so if you want to stay angry its for no reason anymore, forgive and go on

Answer 8

I give this answer a lot and it really works. Stand in front of the mirror and tell your wife what and how you feel let it all out. I start in front of the mirror and end up walking all over the house and talking and ranting and just let it all out.And u will feel much better afterwords.

Answer 9

Only time will heal that wound.... Ive been there. and trust me it does get easier... you just need to focus on yourself.. keep yourself busy, let your friends and family help you through it but for now just be patient... sooner than you think you will find that you wont feel the way you do right now.. give yourself a break you are only human...
good luck

Answer 10

You know having read all the other answers/posts all I am gonna say is this all you guys who posted before me have covered it ...Some great advice and really good answers there really are some great people in this world you guys are really nice, I know how this guy feels..