Is my husband having an affair?

Question

I've been married to my husband for nearly a year. He's 43 and I'm 52. He has 3 children that I have helped him take care of for over 3 years.

His job is located 2 and a half hours away from our home, in a different town. He works 12 hour shifts, so if you calculate the drive to and from work and atleast an hour for dinner or whatever, he gets less than 5 hours of sleep before each shift. Recently, he's been spending days at a time there, staying with friends and now the company he works for has given him a motel room for free. So, he's spending even less time at home.

When he does come home, he only spends time with the kids. We have not had sex in over a month. I try to touch him and he shrugs me away. He has come home with bruises and marks on his shoulders and chest.

He's been working there for a year and only started wanting to stay there in August. It feels as though he finds more and more reasons to stay there.

Is this an affair? Or is he just tired?

Answer 1

How can you even ask us that my god women you know he is having sex with someone else. By him shrugging you off says it right there. He is away from you and when he does come home what is the first thing a man wants,you got it :sex: if he isn't giving it to you he is giving it to someone else. At 43 he is still a young man and is very sexual active. I would be very worried if i were you. Do you have any money put away for a rainy day if not then i would if i were you.
My husband is younger then i am so i know how insecure you can get. If you really want to know if he is cheating on you all you do is go to where he is sleeping and surprise him you will get your answer but are you sure you want to know ?

Answer 2

There is circumstanial evidence to suggest that he MAY be having an affair, but what you have talked about is far from proof.

Long commutes take their toll on any relationship, and yours is now becoming a distance relationship. There was a Canadian study on husbands working out of town. More often than not, and I forget the exact percentage, the families decide that the extra money isn't worth it and the distance worker takes a lesser-paid job nearer home.

You haven't mentioned if you have brought any children to the marriage, so I don't know if this is a blended family.

I'm a married guy myself, and I believe that staying away from a wife for days at a time (if required for work) is bad enough, but when kids are at home it is a NON-OPTION.

You might want to ask him about moving closer to the job to be together as a family, or him taking a lesser-paid job near your home. Commuting costs add up like crazy, and very few people realize the actual cost of running a car. They would be horrified if they did so.

I think it's fair enough to ask him about the bruises and the marks.

Good luck. Please make sure that you are ready for the truth, if your suspicions turn out to be the case.

Answer 3

You know... with this one it's hard to say...

On the one hand... if his job is so far away... I would say that he is probably right in sleeping at a friend's house or an hotel room there, not sure if I would quite believe a company to pay for that... but going with this route... I say that it's perfectally believeable.... Though, I would wonder why he hasn't mentioned anything about wanting to move... I consider a half an hour drive a day the max that I would ever want to do (and an hour train ride as an alternate distance) if I were ever to do something like that... anythign more and it's just a waste of time....

The sex worreis me if it was constant before.... Yes not having sex for a while is a sign that he's either cheating or just becomming distant to the relatioship...

Brusies and maks on his shoulders and chest worry me, but not because of a relationship... If he had hicke's on his neck that'd be one thing... but you said more like bruises... Unless he's into getting tied up and sort... and you know this... I'd be worried if it wasn't something else that he was doing and got into a fight from a bad deal... Granted, a shiner would be a better mark... but I'd done some rough sex, and never been marked that way....

My honest thought from what you said is that he's probably just tired... I would just ask him about the bruises... see what he says... and at 43... he may just be down for the count (naturally) in the sex department..

Answer 4

You know your husband better than anyone. I can tell you that being tired like that might make him less interested in sex but not for a whole month. If you really wanna know for sure go find out for yourself. Find a babysitter and take a 2 1/2 hr drive to your husbands location and find out for sure before you go ac using him of anything. Also check cell phone records on phone bill. See if there are some unusual numbers on there. Good luck and I do hope that he is just tired but do be sure before you accuse

Answer 5

well, hun i know what you are going through. The same thing is actaully happening between my husband and myself. He works an hour and half away from my house, but only 5 minuts from his grandmothers house. NOw i know he isnt cheating on me, but it feels like it, he stays there monday-thursday because those are the days I work and thenon the weekends we are together. I do not know why he would have marks and bruises on his chest unless he was cheating but i think you should sit him down and ask him what the hell is going on. I mean, yall are married, yall should at least be spending some time together. Good luck hun!

Answer 6

You don't get bruises and marks on his body from being tired. It sounds as if he is having an affair.

So, what do you want to do? Do you love him enough to forgive him and continue with your marriage? If this is the case then I recommend moving close to his job where he is home every night and just has a 10 minute commute each way

If you can't accept and forgive his affair then leave him now and get on with your life. You still have time to find the right person who will treat you with love and respect.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Ask him. Point out all the things you've mentioned to us here. But, before you ask him, have a plan for yourself. What will you do if he is having an affair? Even if he isn't, are you going to talk to him about the disconnect between the two of you?

Communication and trust are the foundation of any marriage. Talk to him; regardless of the outcome, ask him if he'll make the time to go see a marriage counselor. If he doesn't, you go yourself to find ways to deal with this situation. Good luck!

Answer 8

More than likely he is being unfaithful....
I had a former co-worker who was in a similar situation. He was far from home and working, working, working, while his wife was getting more resentful of his time spent away. To make a long, complicated story short, I was in an unhappy situation and the nights he spent at a hotel were with me. I am not proud of what I did, but ...there is your answer from someone who had complicity in an affair.

Answer 9

Well it could be either.

But seriously living that far away from his job is ridiculous, and yes he would be EXHAUSTED!!!!

Before I moved in with my partner, he lived 2 1/2 hours away, and we only saw each other on weekends........It was very tiring for him to drive to me every weekend after working all week. We did this for 2 years and then moved in together as it was just 'too much' to keep going that way.
And your husband was doing this EVERY day!!!

You should seriously consider re-locating to be
closer to his job, and to get back some kind of family life.

Answer 10

On the question of him having an affair, I'm really not sure.

But, I will say that he is in the perfect situation to be tempted by another woman. Spending that much time away from his family, will tempt ANY man.

I don't know your living situation, but the best thing for you and your family to do is to either move where he is working or move closer. Or maybe for him to work closer to home.

The distance will only continue to pull you further apart.
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~And also I don't know your faith, but I would definitely pray about it.~