Ok this is what happened . I went one day to his office and she was there , That was the first time i met her, and I get mad because he never told me they are talking ....bla..bla...I just...got jealous! So he decided to never tell me they were taking. He said she is his best friend.they met since high school One day i found out they went out for lunch ( He never told me) I found out e-mails saying: I hope you have a nice day.....bla..bla..bla...nothing ( he never told me)..... She saying i had a good time yesterday, he claims they were at his office taking and that was it.....I don't know what to do. I know he loves me , but I can't trust him. I'm thinking all the time what he is doing!! who is taking with!!!!...It's my fault? He said He never told me this because I'm jealous.
thanks
2007-10-28 12:57:44 · 15 answers · asked by NELP G 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think rascal_f (the first answerer) is half the rascal he pretends to be. He's right. Married people cannot have opposite-gender best friends. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend. Having another one is a diverson from where your emotions are supposed to be.
There are two ways for your husband to learn that--the hard way or the easy way. Intense friendships never remain as friendships--sooner or later one party kicks it up a notch. Either your husband will break his friend's heart, or she will break his, and yours will be broken in any case.
Put your foot down. Ask why you were not included in the lunch, or his friend's husband (if she even has one).
Your husband may well believe he is being innocent, and so far that may well be the case. You need to be a lot smarter than your husband, and he needs to get out before the worst befalls.
Show him these answers, and invite him to email me if he wants.
2007-10-28 13:22:57 · answer #1 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is a line you cross when you are married... and if he is spending time with her alone then he has definately crossed the line.... it doesnt mean they cant remain friends it just means that you need to be included and if they are just truly friends then they should not have a problem with that.... just think of how your husband would feel if you all of a sudden started seeing some guy...of course just friends right.... see it just does not work in a marriage..... you need to let him know you dont like it.... and it isnt about trusting him or being jealous ... it is just common decency and respect for your marriage... if he truly loves you and nothing is going on he should understand .... if not I guess you need to decide if it is time to move on..... you are supposed to be the one he talks to and confides in not this other girl....
good luck
2007-10-28 13:53:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
one subject to appreciate approximately "separations", they are actually not likely meant to permit issues to get resolved. All a separation shows is that one or the two events are UNWILLING to overtly communicate issues interior the marriage! interior the traditional human reaction of "combat" or "flight", your husband has chosen FLIGHT. it is by using the fact he's unwilling to detect determination with you on your subjects. usually, it is because of the fact the guy is merely too immature to have any significant dialogue with the spouse approximately stuff. He would not additionally be attentive to the thank you to do intimate dialogue or he's responsible of something and is working removed from being found out. the two way, separation solves no longer something because of the fact it BREAKS the bond of intimacy that mature, married communique demands! once you the two confirm to come again mutually, the comparable situation(s) would be good there waiting so which you will come again into and discover determination! Why no longer stay mutually and discover determination now? it is the grownup subject to do. ahhhh.......your husband won't be able to try this because of the fact he continues to be a baby! Redraw the obstacles with him in this separation time so he knows precisely what you elect in this MARRIAGE! "obstacles" by using Cloud / Townsend His needs - Her needs by using W. Harley
2016-11-09 19:11:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both should be able to have friends of your own, but at some point, there should be contact with each other's friend, as in getting together for dinner, picnic, whatever. He shouldn't keep this from you. If it really is innocent, and I know that's hard to grasp these days, then he should come clean and try to get his "friend" to be friends with you too if he's gonna keep in contact. Truthfully, I'd feel like you do. You 2 really need to talk it out now before it blows up into something really big.
2007-10-28 13:18:06 · answer #4 · answered by Kelly773 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm... yeah... Id honestly say that your over reacting to something that probably is innocent... And it actually kinda sound slike your following him in a way... You know, there is such a thing as having friends of the opposite sex desipte the stupidity of some... and there is such a thing as not thinking it was a big deal for him to go out with an old high school friend, as if when you go out with the girls, do you tell him everything that you did (if you do, I'd be suprised)...
And I'd say that even if he thought about telling you... I'd say he wouldn't and shouldn't as you would overreact as you are doing now...
Going to lunch and talking is not a big deal.... looking at someone else's e-mail account is a big deal... and and actually worse than going out for lunch and not telling you in my opinion...
2007-10-28 13:17:21 · answer #5 · answered by Rob D 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its actually tricky, one do you trust him? why is he so closed mouth about it? if she was a BF then she would insisted on meeting you, considering ya'll are married, and being female, well respect issue that she should realize unles she's after him herself. if they had known each other since HS then why are you just now finding out.
i honestly think a guy adn girl can be just friends, but once they get married, if they arent friends to the others significant other, then the BF has to choose, married life, or friends.. it sucks. used to be BF with my ex (yes actually dated him, then was friends) then i met my now husband. rarely do i talk with him any more and i only talk with him when hubby is around and if i do email i let him see it to show its harmless. yes it sounds like i have to check in, but its the whole respect and love thing.
its not your fault at all, its his for not being honest.
GL and my prayers to you
2007-10-28 13:22:49 · answer #6 · answered by peanutran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think you have every right to be jealous how would he feel if it were you going for lunch with yr best fiend and he happens to be male and you were getting e mails from a man every other day he is trying to blame you when he knows he is at fault
2007-10-28 13:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by Dianne E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you cant tell your spouse about it .........then you shouldnt be doing it.
The point is, he knows it upsets you and you become jelous, and yet he continues to do it ....and thats just not on!
I would become this other womans 'best friend'.....yep i would push my way in, and tell hubby that you want to be included etc etc. I would call the women or email her, for a 'friendly' chat, tell her that you want to get to know her etc
You know what they say...keep your friends close ....but your enemies closer!!!
2007-10-28 13:38:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to come clean with you, when you are married, there's no such thing as only my/your best friends.
There's a wise saying; don't do bad things that appear to be good or good things that appear to be bad.
2007-10-28 13:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen....ur not being paranoid..ur reactions are normal and justified....hes a married man...he should not have a female best friend....tas a lot of BS...u need to set some rules for him and he must obey them...he must love and respect u...u are his wife...put ur foot down....he need some good whipping!!!
2007-10-28 16:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by Sony 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋