Have you ever seen anything like this written by real doctors?

Question

These are real doctors reports, sent back to the patients own doctors after their examination at the hospital.The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Excuse me, what are you doing with that pen light?)

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. (Anatomy review time!)

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (An empowered patient.)

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Answer 1

I can see it happening. They can't spell and often pay no attention. I had a goat operated on once that had a testicle that did not drop--it was written up as a partial crypt orchid. Instead of a creptorcit (sp). I was having foot surgery once and had local deadening the nurse said OOPS while the doc was operating on me. Then she ran to the corner of the room and put her head down in her lap to keep from passing out. He gave her a good lecture--I said if she had said ah $hit I would have been outa here. I think instead of taking the joint out of my toe he must have cut it off and had to sew it back on. Ah the med profession. ha!

Answer 2

I have worked in a couple of different hospitals up here and I could not transcribe most of the doctors handwriting so I was constantly asking someone to help me out which was okay, but I hope the person who was reading the same stuff I couldn't got it right.
I had to go for a test where they stick a light down your throat to see what ever and when I checked in for the test I made real sure which end that scope was going in! I ain't stupid and I made sure they knew that. I was given the highest amount of intravenous medicine one could get my size and I felt the whole inspections of my guts and everything and the Doctor is telling me how sorry he was that the pain meds weren't working in a way he somehow thought I could answer with a hose with a light at the end of it. The meds didn't work but I made sure where that thing was going and there was no doubt how many times I told those people there. I don't trust them with words are to much alike!!!
That was a good question. You have been on a roll today. Don't loose that laughter or smile!!

Answer 3

Working for doctors I often saw the reports coming in from specialists.

This one pertained to a teen boy, ":normal blood pressure taken in genitalia"...where they applying the blood pressure cuff these days

From a referring ear nose and throat specialist
Patient complains of right rear pain
, Does this person have a left rear?

Pupils equal reactive to blight and accomodation
Well that urban blight is really contagious

Normal; infant, agpar score 9,
extra digitals on each hand

These are just a few I remember

Answer 4

I went to the Doctors once with heart fibrillations, many years later I was given my old medical notes and saw that the Doctor had originally written, " I saw this patient with Heart tremors and sent him away with a good dose of reassurance".Fifty years later I still get the tremors but am none the worse for wear.

Answer 5

OMG these are so funny!! Where did you get these from, the VA Hospital? Just a bunch of intern jerks work there anyway! I was having an allergic reaction to medication and the stupid intern wanted to give me hormone vaginal creme! He thought it was a hot flash though I told him that my hysterectomy was over 5 years ago and they were 'done'...what a boobok (our word for duma$$)

Answer 6

I know several martial artists that go barefoot, they tend to have very hard soles of their feet. Hard to the point of basically having shoe's on. Its just their way. If anything should jump off, their ready.

Answer 7

After having worked in a hospital for 33 years, I totally believe this whole thing. LOL

Answer 8

What? very good ha ha I just hope I don't see this at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport Cheshire won't b going there if they write about me like this! need to sort their writing skills and diagnosis skills out asap!!!!!

Answer 9

Outstanding, I've seen a few similar blunders only they were tied to the field of Christian ministry... We all err but some just manage to make theirs more memorable don't they?

Answer 10

My insurance company at work pays us $50 for each bizzare thing that we report or for something we were charged for that we know is bogus.That doctor's report would have made me some good money!!