He always says he loves his kids more than me and that I love him more than he loves me.
He is my first priority. I've asked him why he always says this and tell him it hurts me. He just says I can't get mad at him for telling the truth.
Why does he do this???? Should I move to another country and give up my life for a man that feels this way about me?
2007-10-28 12:41:17 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nononmous ....
No, I would never ask he always just says it. And, more hurtful than the kid thing is that he always says I love him more than he loves me. BTW... are you married?
2007-10-28 12:59:13 · update #1
MN Lady... no marriage was his idea and of course I didn't know that I loved him more than he loved me. It wasn't that way in the beginging at all.
2007-10-28 13:00:44 · update #2
Yes, his kids are from another marriage
2007-10-28 13:10:40 · update #3
As far as I'm concern, that's emotional abuse.
If he is driving you away, it's possible that he wants out but don't know how to say it. Ask him outright if a divorce is what he wants.
2007-10-29 08:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by cherie 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sit down and have a serious private talk with him. Tell him that you understand that his kids are the major priority in his life and you respect how important they are to him. But additionally, you are well aware of this fact as well as the fact that he feels that you love him more than he loves you. Tell him that quantifying the love in your relationships simply doesn't interest you and that as long of the two of you love each other, you are happy. Continually restating that you are a secondary priority in his life and not recieving as much love in this relationship as he is is both uneccesary and hurtful to you, so you would appreciate it if he did not bring it up anymore. If he can agree to this, just try to put the whole thing out of your mind and be content that he does love you and is respecting your wishes. If he insists on telling you that you are less loved than his kids and himself, you may want to seek counseling, because he is really not showing concern for your feelings.
2007-10-28 13:11:14 · answer #2 · answered by Demon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
UHHHH? I sit here staring at the blinking cursor...not sure what to say to you. Let me snap out of my SHOCK first and....ok....now I can give my input....
What the heck???
As someone with kids, I can understand that kids take a different priority/position in my life as they are still dependent on me and young. My intimate relationship is not the same of course, but does not by any means mean it is NOT a priority. Making sure my relationship with my man is OK helps me feel more connected, rejuvenated and thus, MORE AVAILABLE to the kids.
Why is he saying this? I have a couple thoughts, but....is this a pattern? Does he say things that seem to upset you alot? Does he blow off your feelings and just justify them by saying "hey, you can't be mad at me for telling the truth." Well, true, you can't be mad for him telling the truth, but you can be mad, resentful and CONCERNED ABOUT THE MARRIAGE because of his delivery, his lack initiative to make things better, etc.
I might ask him some serious questions:
1. why are you here?
2. what importance do I have in your life?
3. what does it mean that YOu love him more? what makes him think that? Does that make him feel like he is the better "catch?" Kinda narcissitic if you ask me.
Bottom line? Move to another country? no. Move in a direction to get to the bottom of why he is so hurtful - yes. If he is not willing to do that, then MOVE ON!
2007-10-28 12:53:02 · answer #3 · answered by Green Eyed Girl 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sorry but kids should always be your first and most importantb love. They are apart of you, you made them, and the way you bring them up decides the type of people they become. You guys are grown ups and can get divorces but kids need love and attention and it is the most unconditional love out there.
Now he is wrong to say that you love him more than he loves you. He should want to prove that his love for you is infinite. You should talk to him about that, but you should be able to understand that being the 2nd love in his life behind his kids isnt a bad thing at all
2007-10-28 12:56:23 · answer #4 · answered by Mark J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has always been honest with you then you had to know what he thought before you married him. Why did you marry him if he felt that way? Did he marry because you wanted him to?
My husband told me in the beginning that I was not the love of his live, a former girlfriend was and she had turned down his marriage proposal. I accepted that but I loved him so much that I did not care. I was raised in the church and never felt comfortable living together so he finally agreed to marry just because I wanted to.
He never kept telling me that but I always knew that I was second choice. He had kids from a previous marriage and I came behind them as well.
If you went into the relationship knowing how he felt then just love him and go on with the relationship. We have been together 8 years now and we have a good life.
If you are not willing to accept his attitude, and had hoped to change him, then I recomend you leave him and find someone that you can be the love of their life.
Good Luck
2007-10-28 12:48:16 · answer #5 · answered by mn lady 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You married a man with kids, you knew that they were #1. Stop complaining.
He isn't saying he doesn't love you. He is saying that his kids are his life.
He loves you, take it for what it is. You love him, and so I don't really understand what your problem is. Stop telling him you are hurt by him and start being a great supportive wife to him. husbands dont' like whiney little wives. They want strong women who know who they are and who aren't threatened or jealous of other relatiohships.
Do you want to be "Right" or married? You can't have both.
Jealousy or love? It is your choice.
2007-10-28 13:04:17 · answer #6 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have children yet. But lets think about his comment. People get married and divorced all the time, but whats the one thing that they fight over is their children. So yeah he probably does love them more but there is no reason to profess it to you. That is mean. Who will be there when those kids grow up and possibly leave him alone. YOU
2007-10-28 13:01:10 · answer #7 · answered by cjc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should love his children differently then you, not more, not less, it's a totally different kind of love. This would make me feel insecure, and not loved enough...you need to move on....find someone who will love you just as much or more then you will love him. You don't have to move to another country or give up your life, just give up his life.
2007-10-28 13:00:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes people don't realize just how much someone really means to them until they're gone. Maybe you need to get away for a little while. He might come to realize he's a very lucky man. I believe in honesty but he's being brutal in how he treats you. You are worth more than that. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Do not accept less than that. good luck.
2007-10-28 12:50:15 · answer #9 · answered by llnlln56 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i think it is not love you have there it is a man that maybe cheating on you and thinking of someone else that is important in his life other than you. everyone that is dating or has a special someone in thier life, thier number 1 is their spouse or b/g friend. i think you were at one piont his number one but no more. he either has been cheating with someone or is thinking about someone. sorry I know it hurts but I think you need to move on and foeget about this guy. why stay with someone who knows they make you feel bad by telling you something and doesnt even care. he is hurting you and he is saying the worst thing ever, you are NOT his #1. that sucks. leave him and dont look back. good luck.
2007-10-28 12:49:54 · answer #10 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow, not good. Are they your kids too or just his? You are his wife you should be first in his life. That is just wrong. You can't have a loving relationship if everything else in more important...sorry
It's just going to be you and him when the kids move out then what?
2007-10-28 12:45:51 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋