My bf assured me he was ready to be in a relationship even though he was winding down a 2 yr divorce. everything was great up until 2 weeks before his final court date. he reassured me he had a lot to deal with and would be back to normal after it was over. it was over last week and when we saw each other a few days later, we broke up. he said his head isn't on straight right now and he was so confused about his future. he wanted to take a step back from our relationship to just casually dating. I was devasted and told him i can't do that. either he wanted to be with me or not. he said he can't deal with the pressure of a relationship right now and wants to do things for himself for awhile. it was a very respectful and mature conversation. when i left i took my stuff and he was concerned i'd never call i said i didn't know. he grabbed me and kissed me, he even had tears in his eyes, as so did i...but i just walked away. what are the chances he'll come back and how long?
2007-10-28 12:29:09 · 12 answers · asked by Jax 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like he is just being really honest with you ..... take it from one that is divorced.... even though you know its over and has been for a while when the final papers come in it throws you for a loop.... my advise is to just give him some time to wrap his head around things.... it seems like he still wants to keep you in his life, he just really does need to have this time alone to get his head straight.... i know that doesnt seem fair to you and it doesnt make it hurt any less. but maybe time away will make him realize that he does want you in his life.... give him his space but dont lose yourself in this either.... be supportive but dont let him walk all over you either.... start focusing on you, your friends, work etc and if he really does love you he will see that, keeping the lines of communication open will make it a whole lot easier at some point in time you both decide to give your relationship another try... just dont put your life on hold.... only you know what is in your heart and only you can decide whether you can wait or not... either way you will be fine and will find someone who truly wants to be with you....
I wish you the best
2007-10-28 13:24:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think anyone can predict if or when he might come back. I am sure this is hard for both of you. I am not sure how you two met, how long after he separated, etc., but that is critical. Divorce is tough, even if it is something the person knows is best or even WANTED. Lots of personal feelings come up and he may be looking at himself, the role he played in the divorce, how different people bring different things out in him, etc. Sounds like he needs space for good reasons....as hurtful and scary as this might be for you. But better he do this while you are apart than 5 years down the road when the 2 of you are married and he is still struggling with finding who he is. Does this mean he doesn't love you - highly doubtful. I am sure his feelings were/are genuine. If not, why would he engage in a mature conversation with you about it?
2007-10-28 19:44:02 · answer #2 · answered by Green Eyed Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry Jax, but you may never hear from him again. It's a very emotional thing to go through...divorce...especially if the divorce wasn't initiated by him. You have to realize he was rejected by her and now he's being rejected by you and you forced him to choose an ultimatum of being with you or not. He was probably truthful telling you he had a lot to deal with ,but you forced his hand. I'm sure there are a lot of emotions going through his head right now but he has to look after himself first and get it together or he's no good to anyone else. He needs some space right now to pull himself together. It's difficult for someone else to understand unless you've been there yourself. But, having said all that, it may be in your favour that at least the two of you handled it in a civil matter. That may help.
2007-10-28 20:15:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went thru something a little similar. My ex wasn't married. He broke up with me 1 yr. and 8 mos. ago and he still shows up about every 2 to 3 weeks propositioning me, but not for a relationship. I keep saying no and he keeps coming back. I don't think that he thought that I would accept the break up so easily. I didn't cry. I didn't call him after. It seems he's been doing more of late to find ways to have reasons to be around me. Long story but the gist is this.... Hold out for what you know you're worth and what you know you desserve and don't hesitate to let go of people that don't want to live up to that for whatever reason. That's their problem, not yours.
2007-10-28 19:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by bonnieboobabe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you were a rebound relationship. That's what you get when you get into a relationship with a guy that is still attached to his old one.
The bad news is that he probably will never come back..IF and that is a big IF he does come back, no one here can give you a time frame. It is up to him.
Give him space.
Divorce is like a death. It hurts, and you go through all the grief stages as if someone had died. I know I have been divorced 2 years now and I have gone through all the grief stages myself. When he is done greiving he will decide if he wants you back or if he wants a clean slate with no attachment to his previous life or feelings.
2007-10-28 19:45:05 · answer #5 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he wasn't as ready for a relationship as he thought he was. He might never come back. Take some time to yourself and figure out what you really want in a relationship and move on.
2007-10-28 19:34:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
got to give this one to the lad he has just come out of a marriage that's broke down for one reason or another you really need to give this man his space and let him sort him self out he certainly not ready to commit to a full term one would u be after u had just come out of a sticky situation he is treading carefully and i do not blame him look at this from his point of view>>>
2007-10-28 19:56:04 · answer #7 · answered by Dianne E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds as if he is wanting to give his marriage another chance,and make sure a divorce is what he really wants in life. sometimes this happens right before a divorce is final.
2007-10-28 19:36:53 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some poeple take years to get over a divorce. Sounds like you're a rebound.
2007-10-28 19:36:21 · answer #9 · answered by Leah 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
a final divorce can take its toll.. he was putting an end to something that probably ended badly.. you should give him sometime.. i think he probably is really confused right now..
2007-10-28 19:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by wenwen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋