IS it wrong of me to politely demand my Husband to cut his hair and clean up his outfits?

Question

My husband was in the Military for 20 years and when he retired he wanted to grow out his hair and wear a pony tail just because he can. I said fine do what you want. So he did. He isn't old he is only 46 years old and he now works as an Engineer on the railroad.
Unfortunelly it's been almost 2 years his hair still isn't long enough for a pony tail and it is just thin and stringy and unhealthy looking. And where did the neat person I was attracted to and married go? Now he wears sloppy clothes and scarfs tied around his head or hats. He never puts on aftershave. I like short hair on a Man. I do not like a mans hair falling into my face during sex.
Plus to top it off he has gained about 50 lbs.
It upsets us both (mostly hin) that sex doesn't interest me anymore. And it's not the weight as much as the unkempt look of him. Most of the time he needs to shave. Honest caring advice needed on how to address this problem.

Answer 1

Tell him how sexy you found him to be with short hair. Start there and see how it goes. Throw out his cloths you don't like and replace them with things that you like and know he will wear. Ask him to start going for walks with you at night. I know his work time unless he is on a set run is all over the place so can be hard......good luck

Answer 2

Definitely no demanding, no insulting. Be positive in the way you deal with him if you expect a positive response. I'd try to be a little understanding too though. Retiring from the military he's enjoying the fact that he no longer has to dress, cut his hair, etc. He wouldn't be happy if you start trying to force him back into something he seems happy to get out of. Positive reinforcement goes a lot further than complaining ever will. Maybe someone else you both know could suggest that the two of you go in search of a new "better" style for him, but don't be drastic if you get this opportunity.
Maybe he would cut his hair if he could still wear the scarfs and hats just for convenience's sake. I wouldn't try to put him in a suit or dress clothes either, but why not a nice fitting pair of jeans with a nice tee and loafers?

Answer 3

first of all I really don't think there is any polite way to ""demand that he change his personal appearance. My honest caring advice is for you to go marriage counseling with your husband so you can get this issue out in a moderated forum.
Personally I wouldn't demand my husband make changes in his personal appearance because he is not my child but my husband and a grown man.

added:

for the people who suggest that she throw away his clothes that she doesn't like and replace them with stuff she likes or ask him to play dress up and then take him to the barbers....??? What?
If someone did that to you how would you feel? I know I'd be pissed.
Both of those suggestions show an utter lack of respect for the other person. I don't think that's sound advice for a healthy marriage.
You should be honest with how you feel but its not your decision to dictate his personal style. If you've lost that loving feeling because of the way he now looks perhaps he isn't the right man for you.

Answer 4

In case you husband came home from work and mentioned the equal stuff to you that you just say to your son, how would it make you suppose? If your quality pal called the next day to come and said that she failed to like *your* haircut, and mentioned you wanted to get another type, how would it not make you suppose? It's simply hair. It can be his hair. He has so little manage over his life, when he can sleep, when he can eat, he has to move to college, all fair for you to say is predominant, however rather, is the hair that important? My kids select their haircuts. My oldest son likes it shaved at a 3, all the time. My youngest son likes it lengthy, however simply requested for a easy reduce. Nonetheless, my six yr historic has been growing his hair out for 2 years, and determined he desired a mohawk. So he has a seven inch length full mohawk. And who does it hurt? Simply the sensibilities of individuals who do not even be aware of him, judging him established on his appearance at the grocery.

Answer 5

I would tell him that his unkept demeanor is really turning you off and that you like a man who is well groomed and smells good. That is why you are not interested in sex anymore. Tell him to take a look in the mirror..and remind him that you are judged by your appearance. Also, I would make a deal with him. If he cuts his hair, and grooms himself better, you will have a wild sexy weekend away with him. Also, I would buy him new jeans, nice shirt and a new jacket for Christmas and tell him that you want 2008 to be a New Year where he gives himself a makeover. Tell him, long hair is for rock stars, not 46 year old men.

Answer 6

in case you husband got here residing house from artwork and mentioned an identical stuff to you which you assert on your son, how could it make you sense? in case your maximum suitable buddy called the next day and mentioned that she did no longer like *your* haircut, and mentioned you mandatory to get a diverse type, how could it make you sense? it quite is in basic terms hair. it quite is his hair. He has so little administration over his life, while he can sleep, while he can consume, he has to bypass to college, all truthful which you may declare is important, yet truly, is the hair that important? My young babies %. their haircuts. My oldest son likes it shaved at a three, each and each of the time. My youngest son likes it long, yet in basic terms asked for a sparkling decrease. even with the undeniable fact that, my six 12 months old has been turning out to be his hair out for 2 years, and desperate he needed a mohawk. So he has a seven inch length finished mohawk. And who does it injury? in basic terms the sensibilities of people who do no longer even understand him, judging him in line together with his visual charm on the grocery.

Answer 7

I hate to be in your shoes right now,how do you tell the one you love just how bad he looks without hurting his feeling.Sorry but i don't think you can tell him without it hurting him. Just be careful in how you do it because there are a lot of women out there that like that look. Hell i like that look but my husband is clean cut and i hate when he gets his hair cut.

You could say to him that one of your old friends saw him the other day and said how bad he looked is he sick or something, first he will want to know who this friend of yours is. You can say it's a old friend i haven't seen sense our wedding she remembers what you use to look like. Lets hope he ask you what does she mean by looking bad that's your cue to talk.

Answer 8

You can approach him and say, "honey, I love you, and I was wondering if I can play dress up with you?" Then you can take him to a barber shop, buy him a new suit or outfit and take him out to a romantic dinner. Try something different when it comes to sex. Make jello in the tub, or fill it with whipped cream. Then invite him to take a 'taste' drive with you. :) Get some candles and some rose peddals and throw the peddals all over the house leaving a trail to the bathroom, and bedroom. Have candles lit, and soft music playing. Have some champagne and strawberries with some chocolate sauce and or whipped cream to dip them in. YUM-O!
This is one way you can address this and it will also be a new way to rekindle that sex drive etc. Hope this helps you. Best wishes. :-)

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the wedding vowes are "for better for worse" not "for in shape and clean cut".