We have been married for 3 years and it has been good and bad, we have fought more than we have been happy, both of our faults. I am an American he is from Indonesia. Sometimes I feel I could do better, and find someone that I have more in common with, but I LOVE my husband and he gives me what I need in alot of area's....then some ways he isnt what I need at all. We hurt each other and then separate then get back together, and the cycle continues. What do I do....we have been apart for about 2 months and I miss him. But he doesnt trust me and is still hurt from the past. Is there hope?
2007-10-28 11:18:55 · 14 answers · asked by peaceplease07 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not obsessed at all, We both love each other very much, but we are to different to get along for very long.
2007-10-28 11:24:31 · update #1
I dont miss the drama, but I miss the "good" parts of him and the times we were happy. I have to many people trying to meddle in my marriage and that doesnt help. We should have never gotten married, but we did and now I feel obligated to make it work, even if I am not happy.
2007-10-28 11:30:40 · update #2
I have alot of emotional baggage that I know drives him crazy, but he still loves me, how do I heal myself of the past, so I can be a better wife to him. I am so confused and hurt.
2007-10-28 11:34:11 · update #3
should have not gotten married what did you need papers for
2007-10-28 11:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by Annouyed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well don't confuse love with obsession.
Being drawn to him, going crazy without him, pursue then distance all sound like symptoms of obsession to me.
When you're with the right person, there will always be ups and downs, but rarely if ever will you find yourself thinking "Sometimes I feel I could do better, and find someone that I have more in common with".
Being with someone is not about being with someone who's better. It's about an innate connection, feelings of love, trust and support. You learn from them, and they learn from you, but there are also commonalities. You build and grow together.
What you're describing sounds very unhealthy for the both of you. If this has been going on a long time it may be too late to save. If you have never tried seeing a therapist, I would highly recommend that as clearly you both lack the ability to restore your marriage alone. You probably want to see one on your own, and another one as a couple.
If you're not obsessed, then why are you trying to reconcile with someone who hurts you, then separates then gets back together, and the cycle continues?
2007-10-28 18:22:53 · answer #2 · answered by whiskeyman510 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel that when your married you should do your best to make it work. Why doesnt he trust you? Has there been infidelity in the marriage? If so then he is justified and its up to you to prove your love to him. However, if this was before your vows then he has to forget the past and move on. He obviously was right for you or else you wouldnt have said the I do's. Marriage takes work its not all fun and games. Ive been married for 3yrs and weve had our spats. Those spats and trials are what make you realize your love, just from working through those rough times. Dont give up and stop thinking hes not right for you. Love is deeper than anything else. My advice to you is make it work. No one else can make you whole thats your job.
2007-10-28 18:30:11 · answer #3 · answered by moonapaloona 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're from two cultural backgrounds that just arent going to see eye to eye.
Move on.The person you love and decide to spend your life with should also make you happy.
I'm not saying you have to get rid of him completely, but it sounds like you'd be better off as just friends. It'll take some time to get there, and it might be best if you dont see him for awhile, but you deserve someone who's going to make you happy and not cause all this confusion and hurt.
2007-10-28 18:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by MRose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing. I've been with my fiance` for 2 and 1/2 years now and it seems like we fight more than anything, but I love him with all my heart and we have a 10 month old daughter together. I'm trying to work it out with him not just for my daughter, but for myself as well because I feel like he is my soul mate. and if you feel the same way about your husband then you should try and work it out. Love does conquer all, right?
2007-10-28 19:13:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being male and female is enough of a challenge without throwing religion, politics, and race into the mix.
Unless you are willing to do a lot of compromising, I think you would be better off saying goodbye. And next time, find someone more like you.
2007-10-28 18:23:57 · answer #6 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference in love and loving the thought of being in love. You may miss him but do you miss the drama in your life? I hope you don't have children because they don't need to grow up like that.
2007-10-28 18:28:00 · answer #7 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well the only advice i can give you is you both need to talk about what you approve and don't approve of one another, and try to work on those areas in your marriage. if you have to go to marriage counseling but dont give up so soon.
there will always be hard times you have to learn to get through them as a COUPLE that's what marriage is all about.
2007-10-28 18:26:58 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once had the prettiest DOG, in the USAm he loved me, I oved him!! Trouble was, he kept mauling me, I made trips to the ER, for stitches!! I finnnally gave up, got rid of him, no more biting, no more medical$$, I miss him,(not). Just feel better!!
2007-10-28 19:22:26 · answer #9 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only hope you have is if you are prepared to continue to live this way. Otherwise, get out.
2007-10-28 18:23:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can make anyone happy, they can only contribute to your happiness.* Happiness is a do it yourself project.* Only you can make yourself happy.* Another can contribute to your happiness, but can never make you happy in this life.* If he is not contributing to your happiness & making you miserable & unhappy, what is the point of staying in the relationship?* XXX
2007-10-28 18:52:11 · answer #11 · answered by dca2003311@yahoo.com 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋