Contraception issues? A woman's opinion please?

Question

Ok, well two questions really. Firstly, I am 18, and have been going out with my boyfriend for a year. My Mum has just found out that for the past couple of months we have been sleeping together. I didnt tell her straight away, which looking back, I realise I should have been honest, but she doesnt approve of anything like this. Now she is very disappointed in me, and makes me feel cheap. How can I show her that I didnt take my decision lightly, and that I do love my boyfriend? I dont regret my decision, but wish I could help her understand me.

Secondly, Im now obviously going to have to go on the pill. We have been very careful, but I dont want to risk pregnancy. But im a little worried, that like my Mum, the doctor might also judge me? Has anyone my age experienced this?

Any help, advice etc would be great. Thanks.

Answer 1

I experienced the EXACT same thing. I was 18 when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend whom I had been with for 8 months. My mom found out a month later. She seemed so betrayed and I explained to her that I had to make the decision on my own to be ready and to go through with sex. I told her that I took to heart everything she had ever told me about sex but as MY OWN WOMAN this was something I had to do without her but that I did plan on telling her in the near future. She forgave me and we moved on.

I went to planned parenthood for birth control and was sooo nervous of getting 'looks' and being talked about after I left. The nurses there were really courteous, informative and overall made me feel at ease. If you see a doctor and he makes you feel uncomfortable..SWITCH doctors. There ARE doctors out there who won't judge and will make you feel at ease with discussing birth control options. Good luck!!

Answer 2

Hi Honey, sorry to hear that you're mum is making you feel down about this. Firstly, your 18 there is no reason why you should have told her, its your PRIVATE life. you are your own person now. Also, you have been going out with this guy for a year - you obviously thought long and hard about the decision to have sex, and there is no reason why you shouldn't!!!! Even if you didn't really care about him, which I'm sure you do, having sex is still absolutely fine as long as your not hurting anyone else and taking precautions - like I say, its your private life.
The doctor is definitely NOT going to judge you. There are girls that go on the pill from a very early age for a number of reasons - he will just check a few things like blood pressure and have a chat about the best type of pill for you - it will probably even make you feel less guilty as you will realise you're totally normal. good luck. peacex

Answer 3

It is very important that you protect yourself from an unwanted pregnancy so you need to go to your doctor and get the pill ASAP. I assume you have been using condoms up to now? They work fine if you are careful, but obviously the pill will give you more protection. If you have not been using any protection you need to start doing so right away.

I think you are being very responsible and your doctor has no right to judge you. Remember that parents are always going to have a different take on things to a professional who is doing their job. Your mum probably still sees you as her little girl, and the fact that you are having sex is someone she may feel a bit uncomfortable with - in fact it sounds like sex is something that is hard to talk about in your family. You're not alone in this! Your mum may never feel comfortable at the thought of her little girl becoming a woman but you do need to protect yourself. Make sure you get the pill it is your right.

Answer 4

I have been in this situation, I am now 19 and my mom was also very disappointed when finding out that I was sexually active. I would say that you should def go on the pill plus use condoms to be even more careful and prevent STI's and pregnancy. I have never heard of a doctor judging anyone for asking for contraception, if anything you would seem more intelligent and responsible for seeking it. Good luck with everything, and don't worry, your mom will eventually give you the same trust and respect as always.

Answer 5

Ok i think you need to sit down and talk with your mum, start by apologizing for not talking to her sooner (an apology always starts things off on a better note).

Using a contraceptive is a much more responsible option and shows that you have been thinking things through, explain this to your mum, if you can talk to her like an adult then she may come round but give her time and space mums are protective and only want the best for their children.

Remember if you get angry or upset when talking to her you will only prove to her that you are not ready for the responsibility of and adult relationship. You are 18 and in my books old enough to be responsible but as a mum i understand her concerns.

Be careful and good luck.

Answer 6

Your doctor shouldnt judge you, He should have your welfare at heart and do what is best for you. which is, if you intend to have a sex life, is make sure you know all about contraception and choose the right one.
Your mum is a bit harder. All you can do is apologise, and tell her you arent a tart because you decided to sleep with the man you love. Dont feel bad about doing it if youre sure you want to cos it will take all the joy out of it.
Im not 18 any more, but when I was, my doctor wasnt going to let me go on the pill because he disapproved of sex before marriage and I wasnt planning marriage any time soon!
Im also the mum of a young lady and although I know its a bit stupid I was a bit upset when she slept with her boyfriend. But only because it meant she was really a grown woman and not my baby any more. (Although she will always be 'my baby')

Answer 7

You are in the law's eyes an adult so you are free to sleep with whomever you please, and you don't have to ask your mum's permission. That said however, if your mum disaproves you shouldn't flaunt it in her face. you've not said why she disaproves. I think you sound like a very mature young woman and you didn't lose your virginity lightly so I think you should be congratulated on that.

The doctor will not judge you and would rather give you contraception than deal with an unwanted pregnancy and all the problems that might arise from that. It is not a doctors job to judge his/her patients but to offer impartial advice.

Answer 8

Haven't experienced your situation exactly, but most importantly your mom needs to support you and not make you feel like a tramp. You're 18 even more importantly which means your an adult and you can sleep with Joe, Billy, Allen, Greg...whoever and she really has no say. Uhm...as far as the doctor goes...if he's quick to judge you...then he's obviously the wrong doctor. I'm sure he or she will support you even if your mom doesn't. Good luck with that babe!

Answer 9

Your 18!
The doctor wont judge you because you have been legal to have sex for 2 years!
I would talk to your mother, i mean your legally an adult now, so she cant stop you from doing anything technically.
And the pill is probably best but use condoms too because the pill can stop working for a number of reasons and you wont even know it. Thats how i was concieved =D

Answer 10

Everyone has a different opinion when it comes to sex. im sure your mum will be fine, shes proberly just worrying about where it may lead - as your still so young.

it is really important to get your contraception sorted out if you dont want to become pregnant. Doctors will not judge, your over the age of concent and are taking responsability.