eration??
He says he can't work but has the same "condition" I do...I work 12 hour shifts, do all the housework and shopping etc......he does one meal a day five days a week.
He gets stroppy if I suggest he does a bit more , or if I say I buy the baccy!!!!
Who's right here???
2007-10-28 11:10:04 · 19 answers · asked by Carol S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we both have fibromyalgia... and yes I know MALE AND FEMALE FEEL PAIN DIFFERRENT gimme a break here...all I am asking is a tidy house!!
2007-10-28 11:31:17 · update #1
I think you already know the answer to this one. He needs a lesson in life.
2007-10-28 11:15:08 · answer #1 · answered by proud walker 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first thing to remember is that this guy is your partner, not your employee. So the only arrangement that needs to apply is one that suits you both.
As the present set-up is upsetting you, it is not acceptable in the long run, so it has to change. The only person who can initiate the change is you.
Get you partner to speak to a disablement adviser who can suggest suitable employment.
Around the home, draw up a rota for chores. Start this off by listing down all the chores, with who is currently doing them. Let him pick enough of the chores until there is an equal number of yours and his names. DO NOT in any circumstances then start doing "his" chores, even if this means going without a meal if he is supposed to shop and cook . Initially there will be some resistance as you are moving him well out of his "comfort zone"
Good luck.
2007-10-29 10:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one who has the money has the control. If you are a woman it goes against the grain if a man is not holding up his end of the deal of being the protector and provider. The woman is the nurturer and the gatherer. Go on strike if you dare and make sure you don't complain because I believe you kind of like having the control. That is why you picked him as a mate.
2007-10-28 18:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by spinster wife 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope. My other half says he doesn't do all that kind of stuff coz he knows i will! it's not that they can't it's can't be bothered. Your partner has got used to you doing everything and now the simplest of things seems a struggle.
That thing about woman deal with pain differently is crap. All people feel pain the same way, some people just cope better! Tell him be a man and to pull his finger out...
2007-10-29 12:04:56 · answer #4 · answered by kate e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make demands and hold him accountable. It doesn't make you a bad person to have expectations! Don't let him make you feel that way.
My husband has been unable to hold down a job for the last year and has plenty of (seemingly reasonable) excuses. I kicked him out of the house, and lo and behold he managed to come up with a job almost overnight.
If you get him to take action sooner rather than later, your marriage might be salvageable. I waited too long, became too angry, lost too much respect for him -- it was too late too little.
Take action or lose your marriage!
2007-10-28 19:30:48 · answer #5 · answered by beck_a413 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the condition? Has it effected him differently than you? Is there any benefit of a doubt you could give him?
Frankly I believe that if one person works outside the home and one does not the one home is entirely responsible for the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.
2007-10-28 18:22:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably feels guilty that he isn't as driven as you are. Instead of getting on his case when he doesn't do what you want, just ASK him if he'll do it. If he feels like it's his choice and he gets positive reinforcement for it, he'll be much more likely to do things around the house. Then he'll show more appreciation for you, because he won't feel like you're telling him he's bad.
A friend of mine convinced her husband that a completely clean house makes her extremely horny. He loves to clean now!
2007-10-28 18:21:03 · answer #7 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you actually married or just shacking up? If you're not married, kick him out as he's being a freeloader. If you are married, get a joint account and stop trying to make everything equal. He does this because you enable him.
2007-10-28 18:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by Leah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Neither one of you are right. He's found an easy way out and you are allowing him to behave like this.
Stop doing. And if he doesn't start doing, kick him to the curb.
And stop expecting gratitude for what you provide. If you provide with a full heart, that's enough. If you provide expecting your behind to be kissed, forget it. Ain't gonna happen.
2007-10-28 18:13:48 · answer #9 · answered by Blue 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
He is taking the mickey - kick his sorry a*s out and he will soon learn that in the real world you have to pay your way! Rather just pay for your self you don't need to support two!
2007-10-28 19:07:49 · answer #10 · answered by sunfunsea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not!!! you need to have THE talk with this dude, do not let him get away with this no longer coz when you do actually lose it, (and believe me you will lose it) he will be looking at you like your an alien,
Definition of Couple is=
A PAIR OF EQUAL AND PARALLEL FORCES.
TO LINK OR JOIN TOGETHER.
2007-10-28 18:43:15 · answer #11 · answered by monkey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋