My husband moved out very unexpectedly two weeks ago. My son spent his first day with him yesterday. He had a very restless night and is now saying he would like to live with his dad. (followed by I will take all my toys and clothes - but leave a few here for when I visit you) Do I take this seriously, and ask his father or wait and see in a few days??? Help my mind is very confused. Background - I have been the stay at home mum and am now studying, my husband leaving after 8 years because he said we should have not had children - and could we get back together in 10 years... to which I replied it would seem a little unfair to the kids having to explain whilst he hadn't been here for their upbringing we were now getting back together. He has a good job (teacher), drinks too much alchohol (previously he went to AA many years) and now is saying he has mental illness!! What to do.....Sorry if this is not coherent
2007-10-28 10:53:59 · 12 answers · asked by hakea73 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you keep your son with you, when he get's older and feels he wants 2 move w/his dad then that'll be different. your son is entirely 2 young 2 have 2 go thru. his fathers issues (alcohol and mental illness). spend more time with him, he just feeling that way b/c of all the fun they had that one day and he misses him. but whatever you do KEEP YOUR SON!!!
2007-10-28 12:01:15 · answer #1 · answered by puffy2step 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well........your 4 year old doesn't know what is best for him. YOU DO. He doesn't have a choice in the matter. I would be collecting evidence against him. Such as him saying he has a mental illness on a recording. I know you must have been stabbed in the heart with that comment. I just kissed my sons goodbye as they rode off with their father. If your husband didn't want children, why does he want your son? Just try to get everything in writing (if you are in the house, find and save all financial and medical documents and keep them in a safe place. You will need them . Kids say a lot of things and he was probably coached into that. Just keep your cool and love your child. GOOD LUCK!
2007-10-28 18:24:38 · answer #2 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has been tough on you with your husband leaving and now your 4 yr old wants dad, so your demeanor is very understandable here and no need to apologize to us. Even though a 4 yr old is beginning to understand somewhat his surroundings, he is not old enough to really make this kind of decision and anyway with dads own admission of mental illness and alcoholism, the legal system would rather he stay with you for now. Your husband should not be teaching either if he thinks hes this bad, but thats another story. You are going to have to ask dad for money to live on and raise his son whether he likes it or not because the courts will and he wont like the amount set by the Judge. So whether or not he likes it or agrees to it, he is the father of his son and now will have to take financal resonsibility for him. Good luck to you and your son
2007-10-28 18:17:38 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is painfully apparent that your husband wouldn't be a very good parent. Even if he agreed to have his son live with him, which I doubt. I think your 4 year old just misses his daddy. He doesn't realize what living with him would entail. In his 4 year old mind, he wants to live with his daddy, but you would be there too. He doesn't quite get that you will be living apart yet. It is still new. I would just ask him why he wants to live with his dad. No way would I let him under the circumstances you describe. As you said, this was his first visit after not seeing him for two weeks.
2007-10-28 18:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, because drinks too much, goes to AA, and is now mentally ill!!!!! Start quietly collecting proof of these things. Find out where he goes to AA and any mental illness treatment - you may need it for court later.
He may be manipulating your son to say these things. Kids that young usually want Mommy.
2007-10-28 18:06:17 · answer #5 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you even consider giving your son to his dad who doesn't even want him in the first place? Of course he'd like to live with his dad. His dad probably had to take him for a Happy Meal for every meal while he was there and it was all fun and games. You're the only adult in this mess so act like one and step up to your 4 year old and tell him he's going to be living with you but staying with dad every now and then. Then go file for divorce and petition for sole custody. Once you get that all straightened out, get yourself into therapy and get on with your life...without him!!
2007-10-28 18:01:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband that the child wants to move in with him and if he says it OK let the child move in give him a week and he will want to come back to you , the child is just confused at the moment as he don't understand whats happening, for your husband cut your losses with him and start moving on with your own life you have feelings to but he cant and you shouldn't let him walk in and out of your life, good luck
2007-10-28 18:22:49 · answer #7 · answered by sourmoments 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if the man is in the shape you claim he is or what he claims he is i would not even let the kid visit him . if he has a mental problem then he has no business with the child.and if he's an alcolholic it wouldn't be a good idea to allow the kid to spend any time with him either.he is probably trying to get the kid to stay with him so you don't sock him with child support.
2007-10-28 18:03:47 · answer #8 · answered by morningstar6707 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he really wants to, why not let him? Give him a few days or a couple of weeks and see if he still feels the same. He may have been coached.
2007-10-28 17:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I'd be telling him like hell you will. When you're 18, feel free to live with whoever you want but until then, you will live with me.
2007-10-28 18:10:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋