Before my wife and I were married she would sign into yahoo chat and no one would ever pop up except her mom or her brother. Now that we are married it seems like when ever she signs in there are a ton of guys sending her messages. I know that these are people she has already had on her friends list and she went thru and deleted them all but I can't help but feel suspicious?
I trust her, but I don't know about them. She has told them that she got married but they still want to give her their number so she can call and they still want to hook up.
2007-10-28 09:22:25 · 17 answers · asked by dcstogner 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, for those that are saying that I have to "put my foot down", My wife is and always has been independent. She likes to talk to her mom, brother and dad on the internet. I know that sounds silly but with the exception of her mom, her brother and dad live in different states. She also has this "nice" thing going on. She tells these other guys that she is married and if they press the issue she deletes them. She says that some of these guys are just friends and from what I have seen of the conversations they are just friendly. If I try to put my foot down with my wife she won't get mad because she thinks I don't trust her, she'll get mad because she thinks I am trying to control her and treat her like a child.
I married an independent woman, I know this and I love her for this. I just can't help but feel this way.
2007-10-28 09:52:38 · update #1
If she told them she was married and they still don't respect that then she should stop talking to them all together. It doesn't sound like she is trying to hide anything from you. From what you are saying it sounds like she lets you see who she is talking to and what is being said.
If you still feel suspicious about it then you should talk to your wife. Maybe she could stop using Yahoo messenger altogether or change her yahoo ID so these people stop messaging her.
2007-10-28 09:26:21 · answer #1 · answered by wildeyes_heart_of_stone 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think it all depends on your view of internet chatting. If it truly bothers you that she converses with these men, even if the discussions are respectful, then she should stop. Just becasue it is the internet doesn't mean that nothing can happen. I am actually marrying a man I met on the internet, connections can happen and the love is real sometimes. The internet can be a big problem in a marriage. So it obvioulsy disturbs you since you went as far as to post it on here. Talk to her and explain how it makes you feel and try to use a lot of I statements versus You statements, it is less accusing and she will not get as defensive. Also when you say you love her use and and not but. example..honey i love you but it hurts me... say honey i love you AND it hurts me. If she still does not stop..get rid of your internet or block the chatrooms and such. Her reaction will tell you what to do next. Lots of Luck you:)
2007-10-28 16:38:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is time that you put your foot down and be the husband here, if she does not like it, then you have a problem with your marriage, if she gets defensive, then she has something to hide. Otherwise, if she did not have anything to hide, then she would not get defensive, now would she????
I have been married for fifteen years and loving it, we have a 10 year old daughter and we monitor her on the computer, and she knows, no chat rooms, plus the computer is in the living room so we can watch her be on the computer.
I made a vow in front of God and my husband and I am staying with those vows. Why do I need a chat room when i have my husband????
Put your foot down, and tell her that you are uncomfortable with this, and you can't and will not tolerate it, yes, the men know she is married, but the reason they keep talking to her is she keeps talking to them when she should be talking to you.
2007-10-28 16:38:17 · answer #3 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would feel just as you do. I would not like it. In fact, I would hate it and be pissed. Even though I know I can trust my husband, I would insist that he stop talking w/ these on-line friends of the opposite sex. Whether that's fair or not, I don't know. But if the tables were turned, I would stop my communications. Tell her how you feel and ask her to stop. If she doesn't have any type of relationship/feelings for these on line guy friends, she shouldn't have a problem with it. In my opinion.
2007-10-28 16:28:10 · answer #4 · answered by MoonPie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You feel what you feel. Can you change how you feel just because you want to? We get feelings like this usually for a reason. I will say that it is possible to have platonic relationships cross gendered. I know. I have many. They will never go anywhere sexually or romantically.
You said she deleted them, but you didn't say that this was at your request or suggestion. Do you feel that she did so to hide something?
BTW, if you really trusted her, it wouldn't matter who she talked to on the internet.
2007-10-28 16:36:53 · answer #5 · answered by bonnieboobabe 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok man it's real simple: Trust your wife! If you are worried about her hooking up with another man it will be 10x more likely to happen. Take it from somebody who knows.
2007-10-28 16:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by Dee-Cee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as she isn't calling them up and running out to hook up with them, I don't see the problem. They are just 'net friends who she had before she was married. I honestly don't think it means anything. If you trust her then follow your instincts.
2007-10-28 16:28:20 · answer #7 · answered by BeLLa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you trust her, you trust her. If you are worried something will happen then you do not trust her. Which is it?
If you don't trust her then your marriage has a huge problem the two of you need to get working on asap...
2007-10-28 16:28:28 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i feel you on that one. my hubby used to have a myspace account followed by a ton of other account. i found somethings that he was saying to these girls. he told me everything was innocent, but would get mad if i brought it up. i used a keylogger and started spying on him and i saw all the crap he was doing when i wasnt around. i gave him the ultimatum and told him that if he doesnt stop with this **** im gone.!! U need to tell her that. she obviously doesnt give a **** what you think. i think you should leave her.. then she will get the sense to think to stop.. but some people never learn.. or you can play her game. thats what i did. then she begins to see that your not on her back anymore then things should change if not .. just leave!!
2007-10-28 17:15:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She deleted them? Sounds like she's trying. It's human nature to be a little jealous, but try to give her the benefit of the doubt.
2007-10-28 16:28:27 · answer #10 · answered by Shubunkin 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋