how can you deal with verbal abuse?

Question

how do i deal with this verbal abuse? with 2 children in the house I cant just leave i have responsibilties with the house and everything. do i just stay and try to avoid him? my kids see this they have no respect for him. when he is home he plays and fights with them like they are his brothers and sisters. and im the one who has to discipline and make sure homework is done and feel bad we dont get much time for fun time. a milk commercial came on the other day and it showed the mom running outside with the kids and my son says if mom drinks more milk she will go outside and run with us. its so depressing getting called names everyday. the house i grew up in this would never happen....he obviously grew up with his family thinking this is ok.....he totally disrespects his mother like this too!

Answer 1

I had a marriage like that too and unfortunately I ended up having to leave the guy. I wish I had a great solution for you, but you're the only one who knows what's best. I think though that to keep him from really getting you down it helps to really think about what he's saying and what you think about it. For example, if he says you're a bad mom, then think about how you actually are doing as a mom. Once in a while you'll find something that you need to work on, but most of the time you'll realize "hey, no, I get my kids ready for school, I feed them, I speak kindly to them, I help them when they need it... etc." And in that way, you'll break down the things he says to you and build up your confidence in yourself. And who knows, if he sees that you aren't buying into the garbage he says about you, he just might give up.

You can't make your husband love or respect you, but you can love and respect yourself. And your kids will recognize that more and more as they get older and be glad they had you for an example.

I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 2

You're not going to change him, so change yourself. You MAKE time to go out & do things with those children, & leave the old crab wherever he's at; ignore him & become more envolved with the children & stop dwelling on him. He may slowly start coming back around, but give him some time. In the meantime, give the children more time with you, doing things that they like. It will even make you feel more positive; then get a new hair-do, & fix up a littlte, & cook something special, once a week. Basically, you begin being your own person more. If nothing works, once the children are gone, swap him in for a new model.

Answer 3

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Staying for the children is never a good idea! If you've tried counseling or he is unwilling to try it, and it still doesn't work, get OUT. The children will be much happier (you said yourself) with just being around YOU. So the only reason to stay is financially. But there are shelters and programs to help women out in this situation. Take your kids and LEAVE HIS SORRY BUTT!

Answer 4

YOU can leave, you have the right to choose. You are exposing your children to inappropriate behavior that they will think is appropriate when they are adults. Verbal abuse is not love, it is not a healthy and nurturing environment for kids. Either your husband will want to treat you as a loving wife by seeking counseling to learn how to love and respect you or you guys need to call it quits. This is more harmful to your kids than you can imagine.

Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Answer 5

Sit him down and explain to him how this hurts you. Explain to him how this will make the kids think less of him as well as you. If a stranger called you names he would be upset. Why should you take abuse from him that you wouldn't take from a stranger? This form of abuse is real and really does hurt you. Check out counseling for the both of you and if he refuses to change, it's better to leave him and take the kids because this is setting them an example that will hurt them the rest of their lives. I've been there and he had me convinced that I was worthless. He's gone and life is the best it has ever been. E me if you want to talk, [e-mail]

Answer 6

Why would you marry someone that has no respect for their mother that would show you about his personality. you have kids and they don't respect their father either, i don't get this at all you claim that you get verbally abused by your husband, you cant leave because you have responsibilities to the house what about your children and yourself do you not have any commom sense at all. If you want to stay the choice is yours not mines.

good luck

Answer 7

As a mother, it is your duty and responsibility to protect ur kids. They have no voice in your choice of a husband. Therefore you need to protect the, which you are failing at doing. What they see and hear on a daily basis in ur houshold, is molding them to be the very same way. It is changing who they are or are supposed to be. I would leave, I would stay in a shelter with my kids if I had to, i would get them out of the environment period. I don't care if I had to get a restraining order on him, get him out of the home, or if I had to leave, but I would be damned if ANYONE would verbally abuse me, especially in front of my kids period. Because you continue to stay and let this happen in front of your kids, with what ever ur excuse is for staying, it makes you just a guilty as him the abuser. I don't feel sorry for you, you aren't protecting ur kids. You got them into this, you get them out. No not easy to do, very hard to do, but these are ur kids and you need to protect them like a mother wolf protects her cubs. Stop playing the victim roll here, you aren't the victim ur kids are!!!!!

Answer 8

You give him no attention when he is misbehaving. You take the nearest exit and you don't look at him, don't respond to his insults, don't talk to him, don't do anything for him. Only give him attention when he is being good.

I learned this in a parenting class, it works on adults too.

You don't have to run with your children to be a good mom. You should not feel guilty for doing the right and responsible things for them.

Answer 9

U DIDNT SAY IF UR MARRIED OR NOT, UNLESS I MISSED THAT, BUT IF UR NOT THEN START SAVING MONEY. UR "GET-A-WAY" STASH. IF THINGS CONTINUE 2 GET BAD, THEN LEAVE. I know u saidu have responsiblities w/the house, so if ur not married then call the cops, if married then put him out. Stand up to him, show him ur not scared of him and wont take his verbal abuse n e more. Good luck!!

Answer 10

Carry on doing what you do with your kids. They will grow up knowing who you are and who he is, without you having to say anything. Your kids will not follow the suite of your husband they will give you the love you deserve. Grow strong within the love of your kids and don`t put up with this verbal abuse yourself, answer him back and tell him what you think. Your kids will still love you - even if he doesn`t. (They`re all that matter)