I'm a hair away from doing something really bad to my husband....?

Question

He pushes me to the limit and once I snap and start going off and going all crazy, he tells me htat he was just playing. The latest fight was maybe 30 minutes ago when I asked him to take me to the store. As we pulled up to the parking lot, he told me he was annoyed. So I told him not to be because I hadn't done anything to him. I told him that Iif I hadn't done anything to him that it wasn't fair for him to act up with me. To this he responded that I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIM!! That set me off!!!! I started yelling and we came home instead. I told him I don't have to put up with his bulls**t. Never even made it off the car. Was I right or is it my responsibility as his wife to put up with his bulls**t?

I remained silent after he told me that I had to put up with him, I thought this would give him a chance to tell me that he was only playing, but he didnt and that's when I got mad. It seems like everytime he has to go anywhere with me, he gets annoyed. But Im supposed to behave at his moms house, be nice and agree to every stupidity they say. I do it just so he wont complain but when we go anywhere together he always ends up feeling "annoyed".

Answer 1

Why didn't you take yourself to the store? No you don't have to put up with him. It takes two to argue, so stop your side of the conflict.

Best way to change him, is to change what you are doing. Start treating him like you want to be treated, no matter what he is doing. Be kind, caring, giving, tolerant, patient, selfless, understanding, slow to anger and quick to forgive.


Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in the Holy Bible and find out what love is, then start loving him the way God intends for you too.

Also ignore bad behavior. Don't look at him, don't talk to him, nothing. Exit when bad behavior begins. Don't give him any attention unless he is being good.

I learned that in a parenting class it works very well on adults. It's worth a try.

Answer 2

Wow, you two need to chill. Think about what a trivial thing the fight was over. It's not like your story was about him coming home drunk with lipstick all over his face and he's blown the house payment on hookers. Put it in perspective. Sounds like you two are going off over little things. Hardly worth destroying a marriage over.

I'd recommend some family counseling. You two need to learn how to fight "fair" and also learn to be willing to listen to each others' grips without going off. You know what? That takes hard and sincere effort from both of you. But, please do it.

In answer to your other question: taking his bulls**T? Hey, living with someone isn't always easy. If you aren't willing to accept certain things about him that's not going to fly, girl and that goes for him as well. Remember, he's not a break-in robber, he's your husband.

Hold up on having kids until you can learn to live with each other better. No need to bring kids into all of that. Marriage needs to be about building a life together and sheltering each other from the problems of the world.

One last thing: Stop these thoughts about "doing something to him". That's crazy talk. Don't go into the land of domestic violence. Get some help. Do that.

Good luck. I hope you two work it out.

Answer 3

Uh, not enough information here really but on what was given, I'd say no, you don't have to put up with his bs. I don't understand, though, you say he was annoyed, I must assume by you, but, you know, he can be annoyed, that's okay. And then I don't know how he acted up? Just the state of feeling annoyed is nothing. You just sit there and feel annoyed. When that feeling becomes an action, then you are acting out your feeling in some way, could be appropriate or inappropriate. I don't know because you don't say. His merely saying, in a calm voice, that you have to put up with him doesn't seem to be a statement that would draw violence. So, you see, I don't understand why on the face of it you have such a strong reaction to his words.

Don't hurt him if you are feeling violent toward him, just leave.

Answer 4

Fights are inevitable when you are married, but the key is how to fight constructively. For someone to fight or explode on the other for no reason, tells me there is something wrong in the communication of the relationship. Try to get him to open up, but only do it when he is in a good mood. If he doesn't want to try and explain what could be bothering him in his life, then you may have to be a little drastic and give him a choice of divorce or therapy. It does sound like there is more below the surface that is causing the trouble, not just little things you do to set him off.

Answer 5

I have never heard of such senseless, stupid anger in my life. Are you 10 year olds? In your story it sounds like you have no reason for a fight what so ever other than just one of you decides out of the blue to start one and the other jumps in. The two of you need some serious anger management &/or marriage counseling help. In the meantime just STOP RISING TO THE BAIT! He is playing you and for some sick reason just likes pulling your chain and seeing you blow up. When you go off the deap end that's giving him just what he wants ---It Won't Help or Cure Anything!

Answer 6

Need more love in that relationship. From what I understand it seems you two may need to remember that marriage is something that takes a lot of patience, love, and work. Perhaps remembering why you fell in love with each other in the first place may put things into perspective. Talk to him about how it makes you feel when he says those things and hash it out together, talking about it, without raising your voices. Reason with each other about your thoughts and feelings, and what you expect. You did after all marry each other, it is definitely worth being completely honest to one another.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are giving him plenty of your own BS, yet you see yourself as always being in the right and not.

BTW Take some anger management classes so that you can learn people don't make us angry or annoyed, we choose to respond to them with anger or annoyance.

Edit: So he feels annoyed. Apparently when you do something you don't want to then you feel annoyed as well. All you are saying that is different between you and your husband is that he expresses his annoyance sooner with you than you do with him. And also apparently, he waits to express his annoyance as you do, it's just that he doesn't usually wait until the thing which he finds annoying has been completed. You usually wait until it's over to express your annoyance. So you are both guilty of the same thing, it's just your timing is different.

Answer 8

the responsibility of the wife is NOT to put up with every piece of garbage the husband throws at her. love is about sacrifice and compromise. both of you need to get it together and submit to each other before the Lord (if that's your thing) but still submission is the key. it doesn't mean that one constantly humbles while the other gets to rant. read ephesians 5:21-33 for more examples of how it should be. good luck.

Answer 9

You two don't sound like a good match at all and if bickering is all you do I suggest counseling or an attorney.

Why waste each other's time when all you are is pissy to one another? Neither of you sounds very pleasant to be around...

Answer 10

Instead of looking at it as putting up with his shite....how bout getting to the real source of the problems? With what was he annoyed? Why did his annoyance set you off?
One thing to consider...when he said he was annoyed...would "Why are you annoyed and what can we do to fix it?" have been more productive than what happened?